Blurring Gender Lines
Blurring Gender Lines

"When I was in middle school I ran for student body Vice President. I wasn't ambitious enough to run for President, I figured the Vice President would be easy and they wouldn't have to do much, and I was probably right. Anyway, right before people voted all the candidates had to make a speech in front of the student body. In my mind, I had a great angle for my speech: all the people running for President were girls, my opponent was a girl, and I felt that the student body should be represented by members of both sexes in the interest of equality. Of course, more than twenty years later I can phrase it like that, but my eleven or twelve year old self stood up and concluded that 'when boys and girls get together, good things happen.' That sh-t followed me into college halfway across the country. I bumped into a freshman who had gone to my middle school and she remembered my speech" (Source).

That's One Way to Silence the Room
That's One Way to Silence the Room

"Our kindergarten classroom had a private individual bathroom. I guess I was really distracted and didn't notice I had not closed the door to the bathroom. I basically started taking a sh-t with the entire class watching me. Everyone was silent" (Source).

Humiliated by Love
Humiliated by Love

"Sixth grade. I had a crush on this girl. It was my first crush. She was a cheerleader, cute, smart, funny. I was in love. Sadly it was not reciprocated. I used to write her love letters and slip them into her locker. One day this kid (Who was pretty much my nemesis since elementary school,) saw me put the note in and after i walked away, he fished it out with a paper clip. Later he proceeded to read it to most of the sixth grade class before an assembly. I was absolutely humiliated. For about two days, till everyone forgot about it. That's also the story of how I got into my first fight. For everyone interested, I did win the fight" (Source).

I Should Probably Clean Up my Inbox
I Should Probably Clean Up my Inbox

"I went to give a presentation and opened my powerpoint file from my email and while searching for it, whole class saw my mails, which included messages from pornhub.com :D" (Source).

I Don't Know How It Got Wet
I Don't Know How It Got Wet

"In first grade I had to sit down to take a spelling test and I was kind of thirsty. I went to the water fountain and, with first grade logic, filled my cheeks with water thinking that I could savor it for the whole test. I figured that I could swallow little sips of water throughout the test and be nice and hydrated throughout. This plan backfired when about five minutes passed and my cheeks gave way, leading me to spit all of the water straight onto my desk and test. So now theres water everywhere and my test is ruined and my teacher walks over and says 'why is your desk all wet?' My only response was 'I don't know.' No one asked me any more questions after that" (Source).

She Back, Back, Backed It Up Too Far
She Back, Back, Backed It Up Too Far

"At the holiday dance my junior year, I was dancing with my group of friends. The song 'Get Low' by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boyz started to play. I got really into the song and the part where they go, 'back back back it up', I backed it up (I wasn't twerking, I was just pushing my tush backwards). But I backed it up so much that my a-- hit the crotch of one of the male teachers that was chaperoning. One of my friends gave me a warning, but it was too late. I looked back at him, apologized and walked away. It was so awkward" (Source).

And Now for my Encore
And Now for my Encore

"My sophomore year I was performing in a Shakespearian Monologue competition that was being held at a college near my high school. We got to the theater and we had a bit of time outside to rehearse, mingle, etc. and I snuck off on my own to get a little rehearsal time in without the other competitors seeing what I was doing. I went behind a building and began practicing my monologue (Iago's 'What's he then that says I play the villain?' speech from Othello). While i was practicing, I saw a window with a reflective surface. It was a Sunday and the campus was pretty barren, so I decided to use it so I could see what I looked like while performing. For those of you that don't know, this speech is a particularly heinous speech in which Iago reveals his plot to turn Othello against his wife (which ultimately leads to her murder). I made sure to find my most villainous voice and my the most wretched faces I could to be believable. Once I had finished and was satisfied with my work, I turned to walk away. I heard a large applause coming from inside the window as I left.
Basically, I accidentally performed Shakespeare for a random college class. And yes I did win (Source).

I Almost Died of Embarrassment
I Almost Died of Embarrassment

"Year 11, morning class. The teacher got a call and left the classroom. She came back hysterical. The problem was I couldn't discern if she was laughing hysterically or sobbing hysterically. 'Jeez, don't die!' I quipped. It then became apparent that she had been indeed sobbing. Turns out her mother had died during an operation. This was quite possibly the worst day of school in the entire twelve years. I don't think the teacher heard what I said, or maybe she knew better than to call me out" (Source).

The Case of Mistaken Identity
The Case of Mistaken Identity

"At a swim meet, my friend had just won his race and he broke his personal record. 15-20 minutes after his race, I saw him from the back and walked over. I then hugged him from behind and squealed about how well he did. I remember wondering why he was talking to people from the other school. I let go and he turned around. It wasn't him. I stammered something about how I thought he was someone else and walked away in shame" (Source).

Look at Those Sinful Underwear
Look at Those Sinful Underwear

"I went to a religious private high school, and I was the awkward kid. We had a restrictive dress code, so sometimes you bought things that didn't fit to make sure they were long enough. I had this enormous wrap around skirt and I had to tie it around me twice because the string was so long. After lunch everyone was walking up the stairs, when suddenly my skirt dropped showing off my bright red leopard underwear. Because my skirt was so big I didn't even realize this until I took the next step, tripping and falling flat on my face. Everyone laughed at me, obviously, cue dramatic scene where I run to the bathroom, falling multiple times, trying to wrap myself in this giant flag of fabric, which would not cooperate in the slightest. After emerging from the bathroom an hour later, I had to go to the principal because of my sinful underwear. Guys would growl at me for the rest of the year. Turns out some asshole thought the dangling strings to my skirt were too tempting to ignore. We're married now" (Source).

Work It, Girl!
Work It, Girl!

"I was the only guy in my 7th grade english class, so all the class activities were pretty girl-centric. One such activity was a fashion show where we were supposed to bring music to play as we walked the imaginary runway. Now I didn't bring music, because I didn't give a sh-t, why would I? So I tell the teacher I didn't bring any music and she says, 'I think I've got something for you.' As I stood at the end of the aisle getting ready to make my walk she turns on YMCA by the village people. Now what I wanted to do was ask her, "What the f--k are you trying to say!?' But what I ended up doing was hanging my head in shame and walking the imaginary runway" (Source).

So No First Date Then?
So No First Date Then?

"Sophomore year of high school. Asking a girl out and while I was talking to her my tongue must have moved just the right way and drops of saliva shot out and hit her in the face. (I believe this is called gleeking). Awkward silence ensued followed by no first date... Yay awkward me!" (Source).

I Must Be in the Wrong Class
I Must Be in the Wrong Class

"In college. I am a little forgetful and don't remember people in a large classroom unless I engage with them. So one day I am late to class and I walk in frazzled and don't recognize anyone and say I think I'm in the wrong classroom. My class laughs and says no you're not just sit down. I was quite embarrassed" (Source).

Please Put Your Bra Back On
Please Put Your Bra Back On

"This was the most awkward situation I was ever a part of during high school. I was heading to my locker during my spare block after lunch to grab a Pop-Tart out of my locker when I see this girl from another high school in the hallway. She used to go to our school but she got expelled for showing up to class drunk. Anyways I see her in the hall way and I walk up to her to say hey. Before I can even utter a word she runs right at me and jumps on me giving me a massive bear hug. As she's hugging me I can smell the Whiskey on her breath. She let's go of me and I ask her what she's doing here and she said she was here to see a substitute teacher. Let's call him Mr. Williams. She had heard he was going to be teaching here today and she needed to speak with him. I'm bored during my spare so I decide I'll help her find Mr. Williams. I didn't ask why she needed to see him, I wish I had though or else I wouldn't have helped her find him. Anyway, we go classroom to classroom looking for him and we must have searched seven or eight before we found him. When she walked into that classroom he looked like he had seen a ghost. I have never seen a man look as scared as he did in my entire life. She get's right into the middle of the classroom and in her inebriated state she blurts out that she's pregnant and that Mr. Williams is the father. She goes off on this huge rant yelling at the guy out about how he hasn't returned her phone calls or texts since the last time they had sex at his place. She asks him why he hasn't returned his phone calls. He is just standing there in a state of shock unable to put a coherent sentence together. Then she begins to cry and asks him if it's because she isn't attractive enough for him and before he can even reply she lifts up her shirt and takes it off and throws it at him, then she takes off her bra and throws it at him and yells 'HOW CAN YOU NOT WANT THIS BODY? I'M THE SEXIEST WOMAN YOU'LL EVER F--K.' Once she yelled that I just got the hell out of there, I didn't want to be around when the Principal or any other teachers showed up" (Source).

We Met at a Family Reunion
We Met at a Family Reunion

"I'm from Kentucky, and in high school I was a football player. I s--ked at it and was constantly made fun of because I was terrible at it and Type I diabetic (have been since 17 months). Anyways, up until that point, I had never been kissed by a girl, was too intimidated by it all to ever pursue anything and was not at the point to where I knew how to properly talk a big game. So, one day in my sophomore year, we were having a small dinner before an away game, so we would have some food on our stomachs and not starve. I was sitting at a table with some of the more popular players because a couple of them were semi-nice to me and generally kept everyone from picking on me too much. So, as I'm sitting there, they're all talking about the girls they've f--ked when one of the guys at the table looks at me and says 'have you even kissed a girl before?' Great. Now I have to think of something on the fly. 'Of course I have, dumba--.' Smooth, man. Real smooth. 'Oh really? Who was she?' F--k. My. Life. I'm terrible at lies like this. Need me to tell you why I didn't hand something in? I can do that in the span of a few seconds. Need me to make up a story about some imaginary girl I f--ked? Nope. Can't do it. I freeze up. 'You wouldn't know her. She's not from around here.' Yep, that classic argument. It's irrefutable, perfect, right guys? Guys? 'Where'd you meet her then?' Great. I have no life, don't ever go out, where could I possibly meet a girl who would make out with me? 'I met her at........... a family reunion.' Yep. Family reunion. That's apparently the only thing I could come up with. Not a summer camp, not on a vacation, no. Had to be a family reunion. In 'We f--k cousins' Kentucky. From that day forward, I was known as the guy who made out with his cousin. It died down a bit after that year, but it still stuck with me, popping up every now and then. F--k high school" (Source).

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