Bosses are known to be hard
“My Boss And His Coworkers Used To Play A Game…”
"Don't stick any body parts into the fryers. My boss told me that he and his coworkers used to play a game where they would try to pick the most fries out of the fryer as possible within a certain time limit."
“Measure Feet And Nothing Else…”
"(Shoe store) 'The foot measuring device is for measuring feet and nothing else.' Or something to that effect…"
“Apparently When Asked To Stop [Bringing Tupperware] They Became Belligerent…”
"No bringing Tupperware to corporate events to load up with food and bring home. People have done this without even attending the event (party or meeting). Apparently when asked to stop they became belligerent and aggressive. So the company's lead council sent out an email."
“You Must Perform The Choreography You Were Taught…”
"In my preprofessional/semiprofessional dance program: 'When onstage, you must perform the choreography you were taught, not the choreography you made up on your own.'"
Imagine Dropping One While Standing Next To Someone At The Urinal…
"In med school we were explicitly told not to steal the penises from the cadavers and take them home to use them for pranking people."
“Absolutely No Razor Scooters On The Treadmills…”
"Not at work, but in the dorm I stayed in sophomore year there was a sign in the gym which read 'No razor scooters on the treadmills.'"
“Do Not Mop The Floor…”
"Do not mop the floor of the walk in freezer."
“Now We Have A ‘No Fly Zone…”
"Okay, this is a really weird rule and I'll explain why we have it. 'No flying helicopters over the wall to the business next door.' We have a couple RC helicopters that we fly around when we get stressed. We share a building with another business and there is an incomplete wall dividing us. I don't know who did this, but someone decided to fly one of the helicopters over the wall to surprise the other business. Well, they didn't have x-ray vision and managed to fly it into someone's face and nearly took their eye out. Now we have a 'no fly zone.'"
“The Animal In Question Was A Squirrel…”
"The Albion College student handbook (circa 2008-2010) included a rule banning the practice of skinning and tanning hides in the dorms. The animal in question was a squirrel."
“No One Is To Climb Into The Trash…”
"'No one is to climb into the trash compactor.' The last guy that did got dead."
“A Sign A IKEA Said…”
If you walk past a toilet at IKEA, you'll notice there are signs that say, "Toilets presented here are for decoration."
“Take Off Your Vest And Name Tag First…”
"For god's sake, if you must have sex in the parking lot, please take off your vest and name tag first" —the manager
“The Lowest. Possible. Height….”
"No sitting in your chair at the lowest possible height."
“Don’t Forget To Ring In ‘NO SAUCE…'”
After multiple water-logged steaks, our boss drafted this hard rule: "If a customer orders a $40 steak with no sauce, don't forget to ring in 'NO SAUCE.' If you forget to ring in 'NO SAUCE' don't take the steak back and rinse it under a faucet. Do not return a cold/freshly rinsed/$40 steak to your customer. When the customer complains about their cold $40 steak, don't tell said customer that you just rinsed it off."
“No Taking Pictures Of The Money…”
"At the bank I worked in we had a rule of 'no taking pictures of the money and putting it on Instagram.'"
“If You Know 100% For Sure That It Is Absolutely French…”
"In closed captioning, if someone starts speaking another language, only put in (Speaking French) or whatever if you know 100% for sure that it is absolutely French. Otherwise, just put (Speaking other language) I know that's 'cause someone mixed up Spanish and Italian and someone complained to the network."
“NO ONE Was Allowed To Wear Blue Jeans Ever Again…”
"I work at a bookstore. We have no dress code other than, 'no blue jeans.' I never really questioned it—I assumed it was because jeans could seem too casual. One day my coworker told me the reason for the rule was because there was a guy who used to work there who wore the same blue jeans every single day to work and he never washed them. My boss would tell him over and over again to wash his damn pants as they were becoming dirty and smelly, but he never did. Eventually my boss just created the rule that NO ONE was allowed to wear blue jeans ever again."
“‘Unauthorized entry to ceiling not permitted…'”
"Not while I was at work, but while I was in hospital being wheeled on a bed whilst heavily sedated out of surgery I noticed signs hanging from the ceiling about every 10 meters saying 'Unauthorized entry to ceiling not permitted.'"
“No dancing with the children…”
"'No dancing with the children.' We had an over enthusiastic teacher. She was taking swing dancing classes. She took a kid and was swinging him all around, had him roll down her back, basically flopping him around like a ragdoll. Oh, until she dropped him. Yeah, good move there."
“The Security Guard Went Psycho…”
"Do not bring machetes or BB rifles on property. Security guard went psycho a few overnight shifts. Cut down several trees, pot-marked the interior of the guard shack (top to bottom), sliced up several feet of metal exterior siding on multiple buildings. Also shot at crows while trucks were entering the front gate. No one wants to see a rifle barrel protruding from the very building where they must check in. Took them nearly two years to fire him."
“A Coworker Had A Heart Attack From The Scare…”
"Used to work at a crematorium, the rule 'No hiding in the cremation containers (caskets)' Basically done to scare people by hiding in said box, and scaring the shit out of someone. These antics came to a screeching halt when a coworker had a heart attack from the scare."
Now, The siren Has To Blare Even During Performances…
"I work at a university school of music. Our concert hall has an orchestra pit lift built into the stage, for both opera purposes, and for access to a storage area underneath. We're not allowed to use it without a deafening siren anymore — because someone fell into the giant pit. Now, the siren has to blare even during performances, and is now obviously useless as an actual orchestra pit."