Going to the emergency is bad enough, but not for these people who landed themselves in the ER through the most embarrassing ways possible.
Two Hit Wonder
“I fell on my head while doing yoga, and concussed myself. Then, a month or two later, while showing friends how it happened, I fell again and had to go back to emergency room. The nurse remembered me…” (source)
A Different Monster Everyday
“This is embarrassing due to my stupidity. One summer I decided to completely shave my head before starting an outdoor construction job. This being the first time I had ever shaved my head, my scalp was totally white. I didn’t bother putting on sunscreen… After working a whole day in 95+ degree sun my scalp was horribly burned and painful to the touch. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal until the next day when I woke up and the top of my head was completely swollen. I looked like Squidward from Spongebob. I went to the hospital and wasn’t able to work for a week. My boss thought I was full of sh-t until he saw the pictures of my head. The weirdest part was over the course of a week the fluid that built up under my scalp slowly made its way down my face. Every day I woke up, I looked like a different monster” (source).
Twisted Wayyyyy Up There
“When I was 12, I accidentally sat on one of my testicles and lodged it up in my body. Turns out my testicles got twisted up and I had to have surgery to put them back in place. I lied to all of my friends about what happened when I got back to school” (source)
Most Expensive Steak
“I went to a fraternity formal as my friend’s date at a really nice restaurant and I choked on a piece of prime rib. Couldn’t talk or breathe kind of choke. In the midst of chaos and people yelling and trying to remember how to do the Heimlich, the prime rib slid down my throat, opening up the airway but still blocking my entire esophagus. I had tried drinking water which only pooled up on top of the giant piece of meat in my throat. I proceeded to throw up all the water on my plate. For the next 16 hours nothing could stay down because I would swallow, it would hit the blockage, and then come right back up. Finally I went to the ER because I was getting super dehydrated. After numerous attempts to try and dissolve the meat in my throat with nasty tasting alka seltzer type stuff, they had to put me under to do an endoscopy and scoop it out. I barely knew anyone at that formal but I made a lasting impression. To this day people will tell me to take small bites and chew my steak” (source).
Saturday Night Palsy
“Woke up after a night of drinking with a tingly sensation in my left arm. I thought I just slept on it funny so I told my girlfriend and she starting wondering if I was having a heart attack. She got me all paranoid and it wasn’t going away so off to the emergency room I go. Turns out I had something called ‘Saturday Night Palsy.’ Basically my girlfriend had slept all snuggled up on my shoulder and cut off all the circulation to my left arm. I was too intoxicated to notice and wake up so I probably slept like that for 8 hours. It took about 3 days for the feeling to fully return to my arm. Every time my girlfriend tries to sleep like that I tell her to stop or she’ll give me the palsy again” (source).
“When I was about 8, I was crouching under a small tree and stood up and a branch hit my head when it was sticking down. I thought, for some reason, that I had no skull and that it stabbed me through my brain, and assumed I was dying. I had a syncope episode and I passed out. I was taken to the ER, and they found the branch had just lightly scratched my head” (source)
Third Time’s the Charm
“When I was seven, I went to the hospital three times in one day. First, I sat on a rusty nail. After getting a stitch in my butt cheek, my mom sent me outside to look for the exposed nail. I found it by stepping on it, which popped the nail off of my big toe. Finally, after my dad got home and my parents were good and drunk, he handed me a hammer and told me bend the nail back into the board. On the first swing I hit myself in the back of the head with the teeth, sending me back for a couple more stitches” (source).
“That’s how I learned I was a Vampire”
“I’m an extremely white red headed guy who gets burnt by the moon on a cloudy night and at the time was living in Palm Desert, California. Well the summer after freshman year of high school, I wound up going to a water park with family. Already covered in an entire bottle of sunscreen my grandma wanted to put even more on me. ‘Nah I’m good,’ I thought. What’s the worst that could happen? Cut to the next day I wake up and feel like the sun is radiating from my body. You could probably see heat waves when you looked at my ENTIRE back that was now red as a chili pepper. I could have been classified as radioactive. I started itching extremely bad on all the spots I was burnt and ran to take a cold shower. It. Was. Excruciating. Never in my life have I felt agony like that. I wanted to rip my skin off it itched so bad. I stayed in the shower for an hour, if the cold water was taken off for even a second I would scream. The itching was unbearable. My mom, now extremely worried called the paramedics. The house was now filled with an entire crew of paramedics and fire fighters and I could see the ambulance and fire truck in the driveway with curious neighbors coming outside to see what was going on. I wrapped myself in a towel and took the walk of shame to meet the EMTs right outside the bathroom door. They took one look at me and just said ‘Woah”.’ After a few questions and inspecting the damage they hooked up an IV with something to keep the pain down until I got to the hospital. One of the EMTs there (a red head) said the same thing happened to him a couple of years ago. I was put on a stretcher and put in the ambulance with all the neighbors watching and rushed to the hospital. I was put in the emergency room, set up on morphine and told I had an allergic reaction to the sun as well as 2nd degree burns on my body. That’s how I learned I was a Vampire” (source).
Never Pull Your Pen Apart….
“I pulled a pen apart to get the spring out except I somehow ended up twisting one end into my finger. Tried for ages to try and get it out, had to go to the hospital to get it removed. Nurses insisted on taking photos of it and I ended up on one of the hospital walls” (source).
Appendix or Constipation?
“One time, I went to the hospital because I thought something was going on with my appendix. Turned out I was just really constipated” (source).
“In the 7th grade, I was upset at Runescape and kicked my wall. I ended up breaking my toe” (source).
The Bedroom is Dangerous….
“I broke my wrist in my sleep. I had one of those beds about 4 feet off the ground with a bookshelf underneath. Because of this the bed was pushed against a wall and the other side had a guard rail. The guard rail was 2 pieces of wood running parallel along the side of the bed with about 2 inches of clearance in between each piece. In my sleep I was laying on my stomach and I guess I slid my arm in between the wood. As I tried to roll over, my arm normally would have just gone underneath my body, but I couldn’t pull my arm. In my sleep I just kept rolling and snapped my wrist on my bed. I woke up screaming in pain and had to be taken to the hospital where they found out I broke my wrist” (source).
An Itchy Mistake
“When I was a kid, my family used to go to this park for soccer games. While my siblings played the game, I’d explore the local wilderness. Being like seven, in the woods, and having to poop I sat down on a branch and started doing my business. I wiped with a leaf. Nothing happened the first time, but that trial run taught me that I could do this without repercussion. So the second time we were in the same place and I had to go, in the woods again. I followed the same routine. Except this time I used poison ivy to wipe. I didn’t notice till a week later when the skin around my ass started to flake away, and I would cringe in an itchy pain. Worst experience of my childhood. Plus all the doctors had to stare at my butt to examine the damage” (source).
Such Weak Muscles
“Two years ago, my girlfriend got an exercise ball for Christmas. After New Year, we got home and one evening I tested the exercise ball. It seemed like a fun, squishy thing that proved me that my core really needs some workout. Well, the next day, I got tremendous chest pain. I thought I was going to die, it hurt really bad and I couldn’t find anything that could help it. I was barely able to breathe, as the slightest change of displacement in my lungs hurt. I called ER and told the symptoms, and they told me to come there. My girlfriend got behind the wheel and we left to the hospital. After driving for a minute or so, the pain ended as suddenly as it had started. I was a bit confused, but decided to go and get it checked anyway. So, after spending about five hours waiting, I got checked. They found nothing. I got home, a bit worried. A couple days later, I decided to try out the exercise ball again, you know, to get my abs going. Right after doing the ab stuff, I got similar chest pain, although it wasn’t as painful. I decided to stretch it away, and lo and behold, it worked. My core had such weak muscles that the slightest exercise caused them to lock up and cause me that pain” (source).
“I cut my face open on…”
“I cut my face open on water, even the life guards don’t know how. I was the only one in the pool and they were both watching me (source).
Doctor Never Laughed So Hard
“When I was 4, I ate a watermelon seed and freaked out. Told my mom that I was dying, but didn’t tell her why. She rushed me to the hospital and I finally told the doctor that my gut was going to explode because of the watermelon seed. Doctor never laughed so hard in his life and my mom had never been so angry” (source).
RIP Apple Crisp
“It was a weeknight, near bedtime. I was in my comfiest clothes, which were basically pajamas that I wore around the house until I changed into even comfier pajamas for sleeping. I was also wearing my comfiest slippers, which were ultra fuzzy but also the floppy sort that are prone to sliding off your feet at inopportune moments. I’d gone downstairs to get some apple crisp. It was the last bit, so I was super excited and it smelled delicious and I couldn’t wait to eat it. So I went charging up the stairs, the way an excitable teenager will do.
My ultra fuzzy slippy slippers slipped and caught on one of the steps, my foot still half in, and my apple crisp and I went flying. I ended up at the hospital with a sprained ankle because I fell up the stairs. The apple crisp had to be wiped off the wall. RIP apple crisp” (source).
Crutches Due to a Toothpick
“When I was 12 years old, my brother had dropped a blue toothpick on the floor and I stepped on it and it was pushed between big toe and my second toe. It was so deep that it actually puckered the skin. I had to go to the emergency room and the doctor was confused, since he’d never seen a blue toothpick before so my mom had to explain what happened. It was also embarrassing to have to use crutches for a few days and explain that I stepped on a toothpick” (source).
Red Velvet Cake
“For my 15th birthday, my mom baked me a red velvet cake, which was my favorite. The day after, I ended up eating all of the leftovers from it, which was about half of a giant cake. Now, it turns out that I have a very fast metabolism. So fast, in fact, that I didn’t fully digest all of the red dye in the cake. So, about 2 hours after I’d eaten all that cake, I went to the bathroom, and took the reddest poop I’ve ever seen. I started freaking out, and I wiped, ran outside to where my parents were, and told them I was sh-tting blood. We raced to the hospital, and waited in the ER from 9 at night to 5 in the morning. We finally got in to see a doctor, who proceeded to don the latex glove, and prod around in my ass. Afterwards, he did a few tests to see if it was blood or not, and came into the room laughing. He told me it was just dye, which was a huge relief. Then we drove home, me feeling super uncomfortable with a bunch of lube up my butt” (source).