We've all seen our fair share of weirdly decorated houses, but these people have seen the worst of the worst. Maybe a desk job is the best after all.
“… arrive to find every single appliance in the house has been…”
I’ve spent several years as an EMT and also a computer technician in rural areas. Here are my favorites:
-78 year old lady called 911 because of a missing chair. Arrive to find a wall of smoke, which we initially think is a fire – but no we find her in the kitchen sitting on the floor next to what I would describe as a bale of pot. Also, 2 foot pink bong. Even Snoop Lion would have been impressed by the sheer quantity.
-dispatched to a house for a lady choking, get there and find she was choking on the top half of a small vibrator. Said she got rough with her husband, he rammed the vibrator in her mouth making her gag, she bit down and that he “ran for help” when she started to choke. Never did see the husband but the room we found her in was covered in mirrors and they had what looked to be a very well used horse sized dildo on the bed.
-old man calls 911 and says he’s trapped in his house. We get there and find out that part of him his trapped – his dick – inside the small hole at the handle end of a soup ladle. His dick is black… And yes I’m talking about the 1 cm hole you would use to hang the ladle up with. EDIT: he lost his dick. It was black from necrosis. He was an old white dude.
-called to house for a seizure, arrive to find every single appliance in the house has been taken apart, two meth heads in the back laughing their asses off because we “actually thought someone was having a seizure. I do mean every appliance – microwave, toaster, tv, etc. They couldn’t take apart the iPhone they had but the house phone was in pieces. Told us that they were taking things apart to “make improvements.”
-hoarders. Jesus the hoarders. One lady had every newspaper she ever received in big stacks all the way to the ceiling. Another had his mail catalogued/sorted going back to the 70s. One lady had 75 cats.
-one frequent flyer never put indoor plumbing in and as she got older made it outside less and less. The floorboards had rotted away from the human waste after so many years and she was walking the beams in her house to get around.
-30 year old lady on some kind of demon drug we never figured out, was so fucked up in the head that she wasn’t oriented to gender – legitimately could not tell who was a boy and who was a girl. Kept talking to a 300 lb bearded cop about “his special time of the month” and kept asking about menstrual cups.
-called to a house for “my wife isn’t acting all that normal.” Get there – wife has a huge ass bandage on her head and is drooling while staring at a wall. Poor lady had some kind of brain surgery 2 weeks prior and something had gone very wrong. Asked the husband how long she had been in this state – he said she had been drooling since yesterday but after 16 hours she stopped moaning so he got kinda worried….
-man called me for an in home assessment of his internet network – said he thought there was something wrong with the Internet and that his ISP couldn’t find anything. Arrive to find the entire living room is a shrine to some random cam girl. Man is disabled and has a clear mental deficiency. I made it two steps in the door before seeing the PC – covered with flies and what I assume to be dried semen. The front edge of the desk where he sat had built up over time and looked like the wall from game of thrones.
-once sat down to work on hooking up a printer for an older lady and had her offer me a drink of something. I asked what it was, thank god. She said it was “distilled urine”. I couldn’t figure out if she was serious or not so I just left. Source
“Turns out the lady had buried her sink spray nozzle thingy under…”
My dad works on the water lines in our city. A lady called him one day complaining about an absurdly high water bill. He headed out to her house to check for any leaks in the lines. When he found nothing wrong, he headed inside to check her faucets and hookups. Her kitchen sink was mounded up two feet high with dirty dishes. Dad said you could hear the faintest hissing noise from the pile. Turns out the lady had buried her sink spray nozzle thingy under the mountain of dishes. It had been running for weeks, resulting in her $1000+ water bill. Source
“These girls would pay him to teach them how to…”
Oh god where to start…
Ok, so this one time, I went into a guys house. Cable guy. So I went into lots of houses.
He was older, a little wrinkly, jist some late 40s dude I guess.
As I was working, chit chatting and shit, the guy is like “wanna see something cool?” And then claps his hands twice.
Out of the room comes a woman, fat, young, not attractive at all, butt naked wearing a collar and chain leash. He tells her to sit in the middle of the floor, and she does.
Apparently it’s some sub Dom thing. He was a “trainer”. These girls would pay him to teach them how to be submissive. Probably the most wtf thing I saw while being a cable guy. Seen filth, crazy shit, you name it, but this takes the cake from a wtf standpoint. Source
“He gets a backed up pipe in his basement. Doesn’t do anything about it for weeks.”
Alright I’ve got a weird one.
I was on a mold remediation crew. We’re working this guy Paul’s place. Paul lives alone, never finished his Master’s in sociology. Has like 7 cats. He gets a backed up pipe in his basement. Doesn’t do anything about it for weeks. Calls us in. It’s purple and pink and yellow and black stripes all over the walls. Jesus Christ.
Worst thing is the litter box was in the basement and it was all kinds of disgusting. I’m sure you’re starting to imagine the scenario. So we put on the suits and start gutting the place. The first thing to go is his record collection of something like 2,000 albums. Beatles, Elvis, Led Zeppelin all in the dumpster.
Paul’s weird but nice in a diminished sad lonely man kind of way. I stayed for dinner one night to keep him company. He really enjoys my company. Insists that he pay me for staying for dinner. Nah, just happy to hang with ya.
It’s maybe a three week job and we finish gutting the basement but there’s one room upstairs that we think the mold might have spread to from the ductwork. So we decide to help Paul clean out that room to check for mold. Shit is piled and Paul, my boss and I are just surveying the room. While Paul and my boss discuss boxing things up, I can’t help but notice a fairly large box on the desk with the words “Penis Enlarger” written on it. I pretend not to notice, stare into space.
Paul eventually sees it and grabs that box and other stuff and walks out of the room. We find a lot of gay porn in that room. A LOT. And just box it up with the rest of the DVDs and magazines. It’s awkward.
Paul keeps inviting me to dinner but my boss is saying don’t do it, he bats for the other team. I have dinner with him one last time and then adios.
4 or 5 years later, I’ve moved across the country. I send a mass email to my contacts letting them know that I moved and my new phone number. Somehow Paul’s email was in my contacts. Paul calls me, wants to see me. Wants to fly out to see me. Wants to know if I’d like to try things. I’m polite but this guy keeps calling. Eventually I have to block him.
Just sad. But I guess it’s crazy or weird enough for this thread. Source
” It was moaning for a bit and then said…”
A parrot that made sex noises in both male and female voices. It was moaning for a bit and then said “ohhh, that’s gooood” in a distinctly lower voice. Source
“This apartment was FILLED with…”
I know there are dozens of posts like this, but Ill spin the bottle as well.
I’ve worked as a Paramedic/Firefighter for over 10 years now, and yeah, I run across a gambit of houses with different “interesting” items, and things that might shock the casual observer. Things like drug paraphernalia, human waste, sex toys, etc. are extremely common and found in all classes/nieghborhoods.
The only truly remarkable thing that comes to mind is what I once saw in an apartment. To note, where I work there is a considerable Chinese population. In this case, I went to smallish 2 bedroom apartment in a nicer part of the city for a middle aged Asian couple, and what we found was truly awe inspiring.
This apartment was FILLED with Ducks. And not just one species of ducks, we’re talking mallards, wood ducks, ducks who climb on rocks, ducklings and hand built nests with nestlings. And when I say filled with ducks, I’m not talking about like a handful of them, but dozens, free roaming, with a kiddy pool in the living room for them.
And the truly remarkable thing was, that the apartment was clean (as in I saw nothing that looked immediately dirtier than you would expect with dozens of ducks quackering around), and there wasn’t any sort of strong odor that I can recall. Just a couple, and their flock.
And to answer the question, yes I did ask them why they had so many ducks. And the answer I got was that “They’re cute and good to eat” so there’s that. Source
“Customer wasn’t happy so he decided to…”
Don’t go into houses myself but got this story from a cable tv guy.
He had to go to a customer’s house to solve a problem with his tv but couldn’t fix it immediately. Another colleague with special tools was needed to fix the issue. The colleague wasn’t available at the moment so the repair would go through on another day.
Customer wasn’t happy so he decided to lock the repair tech in his basement.
We ended up calling the police to get that repair tech out of the customer’s basement. Source
“…her response absolutely FLOORED ME….. And it was only one word….’AGAIN?'”
I’ve told this one here before: DirecTV installer. Small town in Florida. Double wide trailer. 4 room system, last room was the little girls room, mom asked if I could put the reciever under the TV which is mounted on the wall and it has a VCR slot the reciever will fit in…. Ok, not odd, so I start moving the clothes in the corner to route the cable inside the wall. Under the pile of clothes was a coiled up, 5 FOOT long FUCKING RATTLESNAKE!!. I told the ~5 year old girl “I think your mom is calling you” since she was watching me (the whole install) and I followed her out. I told the mom what I found and her response absolutely FLOORED ME….. And it was only one word….”AGAIN?” Gotta be effin kidding me! This has happen BEFORE!? Fuuuuu….. So I think to myself “I got to fix this somehow, I can’t leave here knowing this”. I found a hole in the floor where the dog had chewed thru from the outside. I fought my way thru the dog pen and lag bolted a piece of sheet metal over the hole so I could sleep at night….. The look on her face saying “again?” just blew me away..Source
“We tilt it up so we can rotate it and get it into the door, while doing that a big 10″ red…”
I work for one of those Rent-to-Own places, like Aarons or Rent a Center. So over the time I worked at that place I would be in a new persons house every hour or so, over time I saw some weird shit.
One of the funniest ones was we had to pick up a living room set from this mid 20’s women. When we pick up items we tend to look in them before we take them just in case. So with this couch we didn’t really look as she told us she already checked, so we start taking the cushions off the couch like normal. We tilt it up so we can rotate it and get it into the door, while doing that a big 10″ red dildo flops on the ground and turns on. This thing was so loud it sounded like someone started a generator. All three of us look down to see this huge red dildo flopping around on the ground, this girl was so embarrassed and so was my coworker (as he was a southern bible thumper), I ask him if was his and if he would pick it up. Needless to say he didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day. Source
I want to start off by saying my buddy and myself both went to school with her son, but we knew “of him”, really smart kid just wasn’t there. She wanted us to deliver an item to her, we get to her house to scoop out the house to see where everything went. Once she opened the door we both get punched in the face with ammonia, which is normal in the job we had. We start to walk into the home to see where everything was needing to go, all the walls were blacken with hand prints, like around the light switches and the corners. (again which is normal). She leads us into her living room where the items are going to be place, my buddy really loved any type of pets so he saw that she had a few cats. After he started to pet one, 5 more came in, 10 more, 20 more. After about 5 minutes there were around 30 cats in this house, only a handful seemed to me “tamed”, the rest were pretty feral. She leads us into the other rooms where we see the kitchen, this is where all the cats shit. Have you seen what one cat can do in one week? Take that, times it by 30 over years. There was a path way to the fridge and the sink… We start to notice a lot of bugs on the walls also (again normal), but after a while it becomes common so you just know never touch anything you don’t need to. I look up and see in the coroners of the roof black spots that seem to move, as it was dark I thought my eyes were just fucking with me. Nope. We got into the kids(20+ yo) and we see them all scatter. This house had the most roaches I have ever seen and I saw a lot of bugs before.
I never went back to that house, I told everyone to just give her the stuff as I would never go back to that house.
TL;DR 30 cats shitting in the kitchen for years, super crazy roach infestation. Source
“So we start to creep down this road, we both start to smell this smell…”
I want to make this one short as just thinking about this just makes me sick to my stomach.
This older couple wanted to get a few things from us so we set up a time to get out to them. Keep in mind this is mid summer so its a good 90-100F all the time. One of the older guys that worked with us warned us about this house, but we kinda just brushed it off. So we roll up to this driveway in BFE, I mean like 10 miles off a road then another 10 on this private drive. We get to the entrance of what we think is the right place, lots of “do not enter” “you will be shot”, things like that. So we start to creep down this road, we both start to smell this smell, that smelly smell that smells like death. We kind of look at each other like “did you shit yourself”, keep in mind the truck had the air on and the windows up. We get a bit closer so we can see this trailer, the smell started I’d say a 1/4 mile away… We get up to the house to be greeted by a man, we open the door and that smell will never leave me brain. I have no words on how to explain it, it took your breath away and shoved it’s stench into your lungs, the air was thick as well. We get into this house, even though nether can breath. I am 6’3″, we get into this house and it is so piled up with trash and shit that my head hit the roof of this place. The trash was so dense it was like walking on wood. The bathroom is where we needed to go, the flange area was covered in so much human shit it was caked a good 5″ tall… I can’t type anymore on this…
TL;DR foot tall trash build up in home, 1/4 away it smelt like death in 90F, ingrained into my nose for life.
I am so glad I do not have this job anymore! Source
“Paper bills stacked up all over every flat surface I could see.”
Doubt this is as interesting as the EMT stories. But my paper boy story is the first thing that came to mind.
When I was a kid and had a paper route. I always had this one house that always tried to stiff me for payments. They always had some excuse. Come back tomorrow. Or can we pay twice next time ect. I’m a kid and they were the only ones on the entire route that had a problem paying so it wasn’t a big deal.
Till one day I go to collect and they are like 3 weeks behind going on 4 and im not leaving without my money.
So they go through the same script of come back we have no money right now ect. But this time I could see inside the house and all the other times they would keep the door closed.
There is money fuckin everywhere! And I mean literally everywhere. Paper bills stacked up all over every flat surface I could see. And coins covering the entire floor. I had never even seen this much money in person before. And I really didn’t understand why it was all over the place. I couldn’t even tell what color the actual floor was it was so covered in coins and stray bills that fell off the stacks.
So the lady keeps saying they don’t have money and I’m like well why don’t you pay me with all that money on the floor. She gets very angry and slams the door in my face.
I never got paid and they never received another newspaper. And I still don’t understand 30 something years later why they had all that money everywhere and why they couldn’t pay me my 12.50 when they had all that money just laying around.
When I told the adults and my route supervisor no one believed me that they had all the money. Source
“we had to venture into her bedroom we discovered her collection of…”
I was an EMT for a long time. I saw lots of crazy stuff, but one I remember clear as day: this lady was a “frequent flyer” and the first time we had to venture into her bedroom we discovered her collection of taxidermied pets. She’s stuffed every deceased cat, dog, and hamster since she’d lived on her own. Source
“We’re talking about a 50~ year old woman with hammocks and piles of…”
EMT here. Most disturbing thing I’ve seen in a home is from a frequent flyer. No carpet, just large pieces of wood decorating the floor. You could tell she never left her bed, and she was quite a large woman. You could see the brown stains from where she defecated and never bothered to clean on the mattress. Her sheets were covered in dried feces, but the most disturbing thing out of everything was the mountains of stuffed animals she had. We’re talking about a 50~ year old woman with hammocks and piles of stuffed animals all over the floor and ceiling. When we transported her, she had to have no less than two stuffed animals with her and cried when we wouldn’t let her kiss each of her five dogs goodbye. Source
“A redneck family whose teenaged daughter was involved in some kind of…”
My husband used to do condition reports and appraisals of mobile homes for valuation purposes. I helped prepare the documents, and saw all the photos. He had some interesting ones.
An elderly woman had at least two dozen chihuahuas living in her single wide. He said that they moved together like a school of fish, and followed he and the homeowner from room to room, moving when they moved, stopping when they stopped.
An older couple, had a tidy double wide with a fussy country decor theme, and a plaque on the door naming it Nana and Pop Pop’s home. With a lot of well made custom cabinetry, including a massive wall unit entertainment center, that had an entire section of porn dvds, hundreds of them.
A redneck family whose teenaged daughter was involved in some kind of pagan belief system or occult practice. She had drawn what looked like runes and pictographs on the walls, ceiling, doors, and furniture surfaces in her room with a black Sharpie. Completely covered all hard surfaces with it. She also had been burning things in there, there was smoke damage everywhere.
Mentally challenged 200 pound preteen boy, wearing only an adult diaper, duct taped shut on the sides, sitting in the middle of the living room floor, shoving cereal in his mouth from a box, using his bare hands while watching some random daytime talk show on tv. He growled at my husband like a dog when he walked past. The mom said not to make eye contact, he didn’t like that. Source