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Doctors do the best they can to keep the people in their communities as healthy as possible. It doesn't really help, though, if those patients don't even know the most basic facts about human biology. Even some of the basic things, like drinking water, seem to be a challenge to some people.

Everyone knows there are some really nutty people out there, but these folks take the cake! We found a collection of hilarious and ridiculous stories from doctors that will leave you to wonder how some of these people remember to breathe.

A Very Troubling Ache


A Very Troubling Ache

"A patient comes to the ER, 19-year-old male and I'm getting his history. I ask the usual question: 'Why are you here today?'

'Every morning when I wake up, my stomach hurts.'

How long has it been hurting?

'All my life.'

'Well, what is different today that's made you come here?'

'My girlfriend doesn't think that is normal.'

More questions, exam by ER physician, lab tests. The abdominal pain always goes away after he eats. Always. He wakes up hungry. He thought it was pain."

He Did Everything Right...Until The Last Step


He Did Everything Right...Until The Last Step

"We had a diabetic patient who kept coming back with extremely high blood sugar. We asked him if he was following the regiment we taught him: testing his blood sugar, using the sliding scale, measuring the correct dose of insulin in the syringe, etc. He went through all the steps and it sounded like he was doing everything right.

We asked him to demonstrate the steps he took so we could observe and correct any mistakes he may have been making. He did everything right...until the very last step. He drew up the insulin in his syringe, pulled an orange out if his bag, injected the insulin into the orange, then ate it.

It turns out when he was taught to practice how to give himself subcutaneous injections with oranges, he didn't realize he actually needed to inject himself for the insulin to do its job."

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"I Thought It Was Weird When He Smelled My Head..."

"I had severe asthma as a kid. I was intubated for a severe attack a few times. My parents were instructed to take better precautions in our home and went through instructions, more dusting, washing bed sheets and the big one: NO SMOKING inside the house. So my parents agreed to all of this.

A few weeks later, I'm back in the hospital. A doctor recognized me and came over to talk. Then he bent over and smelled my head (I'll never forget that, I thought it was so weird). He told a nurse to sit there and not let me leave with my parents. When my parents showed up, he asked point blank, 'Did you not understand what I told you last time? Do you understand these attacks could be fatal?'

'But we open windows and have stopped smoking in her room when we put her to bed!'

I don't think the doctors called CPS, but if they did, nothing was done about it. This ranks surprisingly low in terms of bad parenting decisions on their part. My family was and still is garbage salad."

If Looks Could Kill...Literally

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If Looks Could Kill...Literally

"A person came in with conjunctivitis. They proceeded to ask questions on how it was transmitted. With the most serious look on their face, they asked if it was contagious and can be passed on by glare.

While this is hilarious, take a minute to think, WHAT IF ANYTHING WAS CONTAGIOUS BY GLARE. That would be so frightening!"

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"Do You Know What Thirst Is?"

"Here in Mexico, we have something called social service. Our college education is free in some institutions, so we have to pay for it with one year of free work in a rural area.

So my first month working in a rural area, a woman in her 30s came in to get a consult because she was feeling weird in the mornings and this had been happening her whole life. I asked what her symptoms were and she told me that every day she wakes up with her mouth dry, though the feeling disappears in about one or two hours. 'Well, how much water do you drink?'

'Hmm, one or maybe two glasses, one at breakfast, and one midday.'

'Do you know what thirst is?'

'Yeah, when you drink water so you can pee.'

So I had a conversation that took one hour long about what thirst is and how it feels."

Well, It Didn't Say In Was UNSAFE

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Well, It Didn't Say In Was UNSAFE

"A mom comes in with her baby, plus two older kids. She complains that the baby hasn't pooped in a while and won't stop crying. As I'm settling them in with one of the nurses, the baby is bawling, like opera singer lungs bawling.

Suddenly, the mom whips out a white plastic shopping bag and does the scariest thing you could ever do to a child!

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