For those with a soul, a career as a divorce attorney must mean a depressing existence. Imagine listening to the constant bickering and enduring the unfettering tension between two people so pathetically resentful of each other day in and day out. Is there any amount of money in the world that would make any of this worth it? For at least one of the forthcoming divorcees, apparently it is.
Divorce lawyers took to Reddit were kind enough to share their proof of that matter. These are their stories of the greediest, pettiest, and most wicked clients they took in a case.
Content has been edited for clarity.
All About Control
“My wife is a lawyer and the pettiest story I heard was a rich couple who fought over everything. First off, she works in corporate law, so her firm bills a lot an hour and doesn’t even do divorces. However, this guy was important or whatever so the firm represented him at the same rate they charge for corp law stuff. Think $1,000 per hour.
After the usual fight over all the homes, cars, boats, etc., things got real petty. First, they fought over all the large contents of the home, like appliances and electronics, etc. Then, once that settled, they fought over ancillary things. For example, the wife won the TV, so the husband fought over the remote. What are you going to do with the remote after you lost the TV?!
Surprise surprise: he lost and wasted both he and his wife’s money as lawyers got to bill a fight over a remote, he decided to fight over the batteries in the remote! They then proceeded to have their lawyers fight over the batteries! How petty can someone get if they’re paying three to four digits an hour to get some used batteries?!”
“The Husband Illustrated How Lazy She Was To Court”
“I wasn’t involved in this divorce, but a long running divorce in my county involved a wife who refused to work in any way shape or form. Any type of work.
The husband illustrated how lazy she was when he sent his construction crew to the house while she was out of town and removed something like five or six truck loads of dirty clothes from the house and tried to bring them to court as evidence as part of his effort to reduce the temporary alimony he was paying. Rather than wash her or the kids’ clothes, she would just buy new clothes every week.
I think the judge was satisfied with photographs! I wish they had dumped it in the courtroom. It would be a legendary story!”
“She Felt We Were ‘Bullying’ Her To Take The Offer”
“The husband had a good career. He cheated on his wife. She was justifiably upset. Husband moved out of their marital home and to the closest major city. He paid the mortgage off on the marital home over more than 20 years. He gave the wife living expenses each month. More than 20 years after separation, the wife filed for divorce because she wanted half of his retirement as well. They literally had not even seen each other for more than 20 years. She was my last domestic relations client ever.
Their living apart so long worked in the husband’s favor. I can’t remember exactly what the husband’s settlement offer was, but the judge went off the record and told her that based on what he heard thus far, it was likely more than he would give her. The judge basically told her how unreasonable she was being. One other thing he mentioned was that she wanted a new house because it had fallen into disrepair. Of course, the judge said that was her fault.
The judge was very no-nonsense in the way he ran the courtroom. He eventually asked if we’d be willing to have an off-the-record settlement conference. All parties agreed. I knew what was coming so I welcomed it. He basically told her that her husband had gone above and beyond what a court would have required of him had they divorced when they first separated. He told her what he thought would be a fair resolution and compared that to what her husband had already said he was willing to give. Basically, the husband was still being more generous than the court would have required of him. So she begrudgingly took the husband’s offer. The same offer we had been telling her to take for weeks. She cried the whole time.
The judge even stopped in the middle of proceedings to allow her to reconsider. She felt like we were ‘bullying’ her to take the offer, but it was really more than she was legally entitled to. The entire proceeding was a mess. We kept starting and stopping for her to reconsider and compose herself. We all felt bad for her because she was genuinely upset. She was just wrong. Eventually, she took the agreement and never complained later. I think it was the first time anyone confronted her with the fact that her husband wasn’t a horrible guy and she needed to forgive and move on so that she could enjoy the rest of her life.
The crazy thing is neither was a bad person. The husband did so much for so long without a court order because he genuinely felt bad and regretted hurting her. He just knew she could never really forgive him so they could move on. She was also a good person. She was just wounded and never recovered. Over time, she grew to resent him because he was able to move on and be happy so she felt entitled to so much. She was a kind and charitable person otherwise, but when it came to him she wouldn’t settle for less than the life she thought they’d have together or him being at least as miserable as her.
I think it comes from people living in different realities. You really end up talking at each other until someone caves, which feels like bullying because no one succumbs to the reasoning of the other.”
“It Was Literally Humanity At Its Worst”
“I handled a divorce between a teacher (wife) and a CVS cashier (husband). I represented the wife. For all intents and purposes, the wife was the breadwinner of the family and she supported herself, her husband, and their two children. I should note: one of the children was severely autistic and required intensive (and expensive) rehab and education.
During the process of the divorce, the husband (living alone) sued the wife (caring for both children) for temporary spousal support. He met all the statutory guidelines to receive it. But it just came off as slimy.
At the day of the hearing, the judge reviewed all of the facts and spent 20 minutes lambasting the husband. He called him a ‘vile creature’ that was everything wrong with society. The judge then told us that his ‘hands were tied’ and that he was forced to grant the spousal support. But he let everyone know how little he thought of the husband. As we were leaving the court, the husband just kept saying to my crying client, ‘Just like Goodfellas – Eff you, pay me.’
It was literally humanity at its worst.”
“She Went To The Court With All These Crazy Claims”
“When I was a kid, my parents got divorced. My mom met a guy on the internet and left my dad for him. My sisters and I were all teenagers and, being that my mom had never really been around, decided that we all wanted to live with our dad. We all had to write a letter stating our wishes and it was understood that we would stay with him. My mom didn’t even seem to care.
Additionally, my dad had this retirement account from his old job – he wasn’t rich at all and had worked his butt off for everything he’d ever had. When he got hurt on the job, he could have sued, but was promised that, in exchange for him not suing, they’d keep him around. Instead, they canned him and he left with about $100,000 (I think) in a 401k-type account that he’d been saving for nearly 30 years.
Lastly, my dad had his house. It was a three bedroom, one bath brick house that was all of about 800 square feet. It wasn’t much at all, but my dad loved the place. My mom couldn’t stand that house and wanted to move for as long as I could remember – that was another contentious subject that led to the divorce. He’d been paying on it forever and when he left his old job, he took out a small chunk and paid it off.
Anyway, their separation was progressing and it was understood we were living with him. She was so in love with this internet guy that she didn’t care. He was in school halfway around the country and she was going to move there to be with him. We knew we’d get by just fine. They seemed amicable and it was understood how this would all play out.
The day in court finally came and, instead of what we all assumed (even my dad’s lawyer), she went to the court with all these crazy claims – he was an abusive drinker, he beat us and my mom nightly, he was crazy, and no one would be safe in his care. My mom got full custody. She got 50% of his house and 50% of his retirement account. My dad was stunned. That judgement would basically bankrupt him. In order for him to keep the house, he essentially had to clean out his retirement account and give her everything.
The night of their divorce, I went over to see him. He was almost catatonic. He just stared off in space the entire time and would mumble whenever I asked him a question. I had never seen anyone like that, ever. My birthday was two days away and I asked if he wanted to do something for my birthday and he just answered with, ‘Your mom has full custody. I will if she allows me to see you.’ I asked if I could drive his old truck to school, since I didn’t yet have a car and he just said no and that I needed to call my mom and have her pick me up. So, that’s what I did.
The next day in school, the day before my birthday, I was sitting in our lunchroom when I heard ‘Hey, isn’t that your grandpa?’ from a buddy of mine. I looked over and saw my grandpa and a cop making their way across the lunchroom toward me. They told me to grab my stuff and, in the office I found my sister there as well. We rode home with them, where we were also met by my little sister, and that’s where they told us that our dad had killed himself, shortly after I left the previous night.
To make matters worse, it all happened so quickly that nothing had been finalized. My mom dropped all her paperwork and legally became a widow and got everything – house, retirement, and his insurance policy. She also got social security benefits for us, a fact we didn’t find out until much later. She basically took all the money and moved across the country with her new man, leaving us to care for ourselves for the most part.
To this day, when asked about raising us, she’ll spin this story of being a young widow, doing her best to raise three kids on her own. To this day (20 years later), we don’t speak. I have other family and friends that will tell me I need to forgive her and move on, but there’s just no way. In my eyes, she killed my dad and that’s not something I will never forgive her for.”
A Blessed Uncoupling
“I’m a law student and in my family law class we read a case about divorcing parents where the mom was a practicing Jew and the father was a sometimes practicing, but not really, Roman Catholic. They agreed to raise the kids Jewish, and did with no problems until divorce. The older kid was about the age to almost get his bar mitzvah and dad was refusing to take him to Hebrew School on Sundays, as he had him on the weekends. Meanwhile, the dad also started taking the kids to church and the mom complained, alleging that exposure to two religions was confusing the kids.
Mom sued to enforce their contract to raise the kids Jewish and to make him take the kids to Hebrew School when he had visitation on those weekends. The court said no to the first, would not enforce contracts within families regarding religion, but did require the dad to take his kids to Hebrew School.
Court also ruled that the dad was allowed to expose his kids to Catholicism as long as it did not seriously damage their commitment to religion period. Like, physically manifest as anxiety or trouble in school as a result of serious religious confusion.”
“She Discovered He Was Actually A Hoarder”
“It was a middle-aged, third marriage for both of them. They both had fairly nice lives set up beforehand – cars, vacations, good jobs, etc. When they decided to get married, she sold her house to move to his. She discovered he was actually a hoarder and the place was a wreck on the inside.
She quit her job and cleaned it up. She realized he had not filed or withheld taxes in, like, ten years. She prepared returns for him and negotiated his tax debt way down. His house was about to go into foreclosure. She spent her nest egg on keeping it from being sold.
He beat her and cheated on her. She finally left his butt. In the divorce, she asked to be put back in the position she was in. His response was pretty much, ‘Get bent. Your money’s all spent and all that’s left is mine.’
I am pleased to report that that did not end well for him.”
“The Judge Just Stared Down At Him For A Good Four Minutes”
“My dad is a lawyer and, during one case, the husband tried to argue that he was due compensation for the food that was in the pantry because he could not be guaranteed that his ex-wife would use it ‘purely to feed his children and not his ex-wife’s son from her first marriage.’
The judge just stared down at him for a good four minutes and didn’t say anything. The husband eventually backed down. Nothing hurts your case faster than the judge deciding you are an absolute imbecile.
I can’t imagine he treated the boy well while he was married. I would have made him buy his ex-wife groceries for a year, but I can be super petty (which is why it’s good that I am not a judge).”
“The Planning And Spite That Went Into That Was Amazing”
“This story is from my parents, who are lawyers.
Throughout the divorce proceedings, there was a car that was a huge point of contention between the husband and wife. After months and months of saying he would never let the wife have the car, the husband conceded in exchange for something great, like one of their summer houses.
It turns out he had been driving the car for three hours everyday in a big loop around the city, putting thousands and thousands of miles on it, basically making it worthless. The amount of planning and spite that went into that was amazing.”
“The Judge Said This Was Ridiculous”
“I worked at a law firm that was subpoenaed as part of a divorce between a partner at the firm and a partner at another major law firm.
The woman issued more than 70 subpoenas to banks, firms, investment companies, you name it, because she was convinced he had squirreled away more than $20 million overseas behind her back. It got so bad that she dug up receipts from 25 years earlier to try to put together this grand conspiracy puzzle.
In the end, after she racked up $1.5 million in legal fees and seven different lawyers. The judge said this was ridiculous, there was no conspiracy, and she was not entitled to a portion of this phantom $20 million.
Mind you: this was a major law firm partner who was acting this way. She made millions per year in her career. But she, apparently, lost her mind.”
“Let Him Hug His Son Goodbye And He Will Leave Peacefully’
“My client fled the home with her baby after an incident of domestic violence. In my state, both parents have full rights to the children unless a custody order in place. In other words, whoever has the kid, gets the kid. Police will not intervene where one spouse is withholding a child from the other spouse if there are no orders in place.”
Well my client had the child for two weeks at her new place when the husband showed up demanding the child. She refused. He called the police. The responding officer was a family friend of both, but originally a friend of the husband. This police officer showed up and decides to try to mediate the conflict. The police officer told my client something along the lines of, ‘Let him hug his son goodbye and he will leave peacefully.’ My client was hesitant, but agreed.
The husband took the kid and exclaimed, ‘He’s mine now!’ He ran to his car with the baby – no supplies, no clothes, nothing. The police officer claimed he had no idea what was happening (Yeah, right) and since no orders were in place, there was nothing my client could do.
While we were trying to track him down, we got an order returning the child to my client’s possession. He suddenly contacted my client saying he was at a hotel in the area and if she wanted her son back, she could if she came over and slept with him.
We sent the police. Police took him into custody, but no charges were filed after he was released. My client has the child. He is only allowed two hours per week of visitation that he pays for at a guarded, supervised facility. The divorce is still pending.”
Such Pettiness At Such A High Cost
“I used to be a paralegal. I remember reading about one case that I couldn’t remember the name of when I went to look for it.
The parties had about $15 million in assets and the husband had owned about 90% of the assets going into the marriage. Courts wanted to award the wife about $2 million and give the husband the rest and the husband wanted to leave her destitute. He ended up spending all of his money to fight at every step of the way by filing frivolous motions and just generally doing whatever he could to be an imbecile.
After attorney’s fees, penalties and costs, and money wasted on schemes, the total remaining assets the parties had was about $500,000. Courts awarded all of it to the wife and left him completely broke.”
She Used Her Husband’s Secret Against Him
“I was representing the husband. He had quit a fairly lucrative job to go to law school, so he was essentially a student and stay-at-home dad to his young daughter. The wife was a pharmacist. She became suspicious that her husband was cheating on her, so she set up a hidden camera in their living room. Well, she was right. She got footage of the husband cheating on her… with another man.
The husband was terrified that others would find out. The wife and her attorney knew this and successfully exploited it to keep everything out of court and to mess him up hard on finances, custody, and pretty much everything. The wife kept implying she would tell everyone they knew unless he agreed to her terms. I kept telling the guy that people would find out anyway and there would be nothing we could do to stop her from reneging on her promise not to out him.
He went ahead and came out to his parents, but no one else. Then, despite my very vocal protests, he agreed to about 90% of what they initially asked for. It was stuff that a judge would never order, given the facts.”
“He Insisted That He Should Get His Wife’s Classic Car”
“I am not a lawyer, but my own divorce lawyer told me this story while advising me about dividing the ‘stuff.’
Middle-aged professional couple were getting a divorce. They both had salaries in the six figures and the requisite McMansion, a few cars, and retirement and savings accounts. In other words, they were pretty well off and both of them would have been in a good state had they just divided everything 50/50.
Instead, the husband decided he wants to be an imbecile and insisted that he should get his wife’s classic car: a 1954 Corvette that had her dad had bought brand new and had fully restored before he gave it to her, maybe six months before he passed away. She had all these great memories of riding in the car as a little girl and occasionally driving it around town when she was older. Truth is though, the car was worth $60-75,000 at the time.
In the end, he got the Corvette, but to get it he had to sign over his interest in their house and a lot of joint accounts, probably eight to ten times what the car was actually worth. He’d drive it when he thought he might run into her and would make it a point to make sure she knew he was driving it because he thought it would upset her. It didn’t. She knew how bad she’d ripped him off when she gave up the car and she knew that would have made her dad laugh his butt off.”
“Husband Wanted A 50/50 Split, But The Wife Wanted 70/30”
“We represented a wife in a divorce. The couple had two young girls and the husband had cheated on the wife. Making it worse, the husband had introduced the daughters to his mistress before the wife knew about her which, obviously, really hurt the wife.
This couple didn’t have a lot of money. They worked out parenting and division of assets in mediation, except for the proceeds of sale from their family home. It was only about $100,000. The husband wanted a 50/50 split but the wife wanted a 70/30 split in her favor as compensation for the mental anguish caused by his affair. Where I live, mental anguish is not a legit claim for uneven division of money in a divorce but there are different reasons to claim it. All of which can be complicated to prove.
The wife dragged the case out for 16 months, culminating in a five day trial. The husband ended up getting rid of his lawyer so he was a self-rep, but the wife continued to retain our firm throughout. Basically, the difference in money she wanted vs what he wanted was $20,000. She was successful at trial and was given a 65/35 split which meant she got $15,000 more from the proceeds of sale than he did.
However, her legal costs at the end of it was $30,000 so she only pocketed $25,000 – half of what she would have pocketed had she just accepted his 50/50 split and $10,000 less than what he pocketed after the trial.”
“After That Night, He Was A Very Different Man”
“There was this client of mine who wanted a divorce, but his wife tried to drag things out just to stick it to him. There wasn’t any cheating, abuse or anything of sorts. He just wasn’t in love with her anymore and they argued about meaningless things that made him want the divorce. They didn’t have any children.
After sometime, we filed for divorce (five or seven months, I can’t remember). She called him and told him that she wanted to meet and would accept the divorce. She just wanted to see him one last time. He told me about it and I told him to meet her, thinking that could save us from a lengthy case.
Afterward, I learned that she asked him to come to her house and have a dinner, but something happened at that dinner. To this day, I don’t know what. He never told me, even during the criminal case.
At the dinner, he lost it he started stabbing her, to a point that he broke 13 knives stabbing her. Then, he went to the police to turn himself in. I knew him before the case because he was a family friend but after that night, he was a very different man. His eyes were blank and he never talked about it, not even at the court. I asked for a phycological test for his faculties, but it came back normal. I sometimes still wonder what could make him lose it that much.”
“My Dad Can’t Seem To Fathom Why I Have No Interest In Him”
“My dad retired six months early to spite my mom. She remarried a rich man and my father is now struggling to live off of his much younger affair partner’s salary as a hair dresser. He was a Federal Government employee and could have retired with an 80% pension of his six figure salary for the rest of his life. Instead he decided to ‘stick it’ to my mom.
In court, the judge addressed him directly and said, ‘I understand you think you are a smart man, but you need to realize that is simply not the case.’
He now tells everyone who will listen how my mom bankrupted him because ‘divorce favors women.’ He can’t seem to fathom why I have no interest in talking to him any more.”