What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Weddings are supposed to be one of the best days of your life. Friends, family, and you significant other all gathered to celebrate. What else could you want? Well, life doesn’t always go the way you want it to. Sometimes, the best day of your life can instantly turn into the worst. Well for this wedding planner, she had the joy of experiencing a wedding gone wrong.
For now, we’ll refer to the event planner as Linda. She really enjoyed planning out weddings since they often made a lot of people happy. For this particular wedding, the bride had a very specific vision of what she wanted. The family was pretty wealthy so they were willing to shell out the money for whatever expenses necessary. The bride had decided that she wanted the wedding to be “shabby chic” themed, so somewhat rustic but still elegant. To match the theme, she wanted the venue of her wedding to be on a barn on her family’s property. The only problem was that the barn was fairly old and required a lot of adjustments before it could be wedding-ready. Linda decided that she would add extra tents to make enough space for the guests and other events. However, the barn also did not have electricity or running water, both of which were very important if the bride wanted her dream wedding. To counter this, Linda brought in several generators as well as large water jugs and portajohns hidden inside a separate tent.
A Fairytale Wedding With An Unhappy Ending
The process was stressful but at least now the location would be ready to house the wedding.
The bride was very particular about what she wanted for the wedding. She had to make sure everything, from the floral arrangements to the nameplates, was perfect. If anything didn’t meet her expectations, she would scream about it until it was changed. Linda began to refer to the bride as “Bridezilla” whenever she was just speaking to her assistants. After months of arguing back and forth and attempting to cater to the bride’s every need, the wedding was finally planned out.
So the wedding day rolls around, Linda and her team are alert and ready to spring into action if anything goes wrong. Linda didn’t want to take any risks of the bride being unhappy. The ceremony goes smoothly and the new couple seems pleased. The rest of the planned events, drinks and the photoshoot, continued smoothly as well. It seemed like the rest of the evening would proceed perfectly. Well, it was now time to transition to the bridal party which would be immediately followed by the first dance and cake cutting. Everything was staged and planned out, so timing would be key for the next few hours. Linda was now on high alert.
That’s when it happened.
The Problems Were “More Than What Was Anticipated”
Linda was talking with the caterers for a short while before returning her attention to the wedding. Then she noticed the bride’s face. The bride showcased a strange sequence of facial expressions that started with discomfort before slowly morphing into a look of dread. The bride quickly waved down Linda’s assistant. Soon after, Linda was informed by her assistant that there was an issue. The assistant gave no hints as to what the issue was so Linda’s mind began to race with thoughts. “What if she found something she didn’t like?” Linda didn’t want to deal with a bridezilla screaming at her for a small mistake. She then calmed herself down and began to make her way to the bride who was in the support tent.
That’s when Linda found out what was actually wrong. The bride had an upset stomach and decided to let out a quick fart. However, the fart was not a normal fart. It was the kinda fart that let out a little poop with it. It’s important to keep in mind that the bride is wearing a huge, full ball gown, with a fitted, boned strapless top in a sort of embellished mesh. Underneath, she had a shaper garment and hoops and slips. This was the type of gown that would make it impossible to go to the bathroom and needed at least 3 people to take on and off. The bride determined that she HAD to go to the bathroom, which meant that someone was going to have to get very personal with the bride in order to help her use the portajohn (the only bathrooms at the wedding). Linda passed the job off to her assistant and radioed to everyone that there would be a 15-minute delay.
Eventually, 20 minutes pass but the bride is still not back from the tent. Linda started to worry, ‘what could be taking them so long?’ Right as she thinks this, her assistant contacts Linda and informs her that the initial issue was “more than anticipated.” Linda quickly makes her way to the tent. The first thing Linda noticed was the horrified look on her assistant’s face.
A Pungent Smell Filled the Tent
But her attention quickly shifted to the pungent smell that had filled the tent. She glanced towards the bride and found herself dumbfounded as a strange liquid made its way down the bride’s leg. Linda had no way to describe what she was seeing. The liquid was slimy, almost oily, with stringy bits and had the consistency of hair gel. She immediately thought, “What could even cause something like to come out of her body?” After questioning the bride, Linda finally discovered the reason for the strange liquid. The bride, in an attempt to fix her bloating, decided to try out a health shake. For whatever reason, the shake had not mixed well with the drinks the bride had throughout her wedding. The shake appeared to get rid of the bride’s bloating by forcing whatever she had eaten out of her body.
Throughout the entire incident, Linda could not stop thinking about the repulsive smell, there was no way to describe it. She thought to herself, “At least it can’t get worse from here.” But there was a small detail that Linda had failed to notice.
The bride was wearing a latex shaper that covered essentially her entire body (thighs up to her chest). The shaper was waterproof. The combination of the waterproof shaper and the bride’s diarrhea had created a water balloon effect, to which the bride was getting surrounded by her own poop. In an attempt to resolve the issue, Linda’s assistant began to open the crotch of the shaper which released a stream of the substance down the bride’s legs. This caused the smell to become more prominent. The assistant quickly decided that it was useless to try and let it all drain out so she snapped the shaper shut and began to wipe up whatever liquid was remaining. However, her efforts were in vain as rather than cleaning anything, the wiping just spread the poop around so she gave up.
The Stain Began To Spread
Throughout the entire event, the bride had been sobbing and the assistant was now sitting in shock. Linda began to think about how to end the wedding without letting the guests know what had just occurred in the tent. But just as Linda mentioned the idea of stopping the wedding to the bride, the bride began screaming about how she was making her guests wait and the wedding needed to go on. Linda was absolutely shocked, how could any woman want to continue after what had just happened. But before the bride could say anything else, Linda quickly averted her attention to the bride’s manicured nails, which were now covered if diarrhea residue. She began to scrape out the poo as the bride continued screaming about how the show had to go on. After some bickering, Linda agreed to allow the wedding to continue. She then radios back in to signal that the introductions will start.
The wife entered the barn right on cue, her face now showing any indication of what had just occurred. The groom looked vaguely disconcerted by his wife’s odor. Linda then sent out her assistant to distract him. She felt bad for the groom as he had no idea of anything other than his wife’s strange smell. The introduction goes smoothly so they move forward with the dance.
The dance was choreographed beforehand. There was a portion where the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist. As he did this, the poop in the shaper was getting squished up and out the back waistband. Linda and her team could stare in horror as an oily stain began to spread across the mid-back of the wedding dress. To make matters worse, the groom eventually had to place his hand against the brides back, right in the middle of the poop stain. The dance continued for another 5 minutes, meaning the stain continued to grow in both size and smell. Close to the end of the dance, Linda noticed that the poop was beginning to leak out the top of the dress. The only thought she had was, “How is no one else noticing the smell? Or the stain?”
Getting The Bride Clean Again
Linda decided that there was no way she could allow this to continue, the stain was obvious to anyone who was looking. The plan would take place after the couple left the dance floor. Linda left to make preparations and assigned her assistant to keep watch over the situation. Linda’s assistant began to constantly radio Linda informing her about how the stain was spreading and that the groom and bride now had poop covered fingers. Linda shuddered. The cake cutting had begun so the couple, with poop fingers, fed the cake to one another. Both looked repulsed. Linda felt disgusted and began to think about how many guests had caught on to what was going on.
As soon as the couple left the dance floor, the assistants gave the groom wet wipes and rushed the bride to Linda. Linda had closed the support tent and retrieved a tub of water from the caterers as the tent was about to become a cleaning station. As the bride walked in, she immediately noticed how Linda was strangely dressed, she was wearing elbow high gloves and a poncho. Within 5 minutes, the bride was stripped and scrubbed down by Linda. The bride was sobbing. Meanwhile, Linda could only think about every life decision she had ever made that led to this moment.
The diarrhea was everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body. Linda gagged as she continued wiping down the bride. After 30 minutes, she able to finally get the bride clean. Linda then moved on to assess the dress. She immediately threw away the shaper as there was no point in trying to salvage it. She then started cleaning the dress, scrubbing it down in the same tub the bride was in. Linda determined that the inner lining of the dress was too damaged so she cut it out and threw it away. Unfortunately, Linda was not able to completely clean the dress so she gave the bride the option to either send the dress to a professional cleaner or to toss it.
Happily Ever After?
After the cleaning, Linda and her team gave the bride a new dress. The dress was not anything like her wedding dress but it was still elegant. They also gave the bride Xanax in order to calm her nerves and prevent any further breakdowns. The bride was okay by the end of it, and although she screamed about having to miss speeches and dinner, it was probably for the best.
The support tent was closed for the rest of the night as it smelled like a sewer. Linda couldn’t imagine anyone trying to recover the tent after the wedding was over.
The groom was truly the definition of a supporting husband as he never sad anything about his wife. However, the groom did inevitably ask Linda if the garter toss could be canceled because he did not want to go under his wife’s skirt. Soon enough, the wedding ended. Linda had a swarm of thought post-wedding. Did the wife ever tell her husband? How many of the guests noticed the incident? How did the wife stay so calm about the mess?
Despite how the wedding went, the photos from the wedding were beautiful. Every once in a while, Linda looks back at the wedding and just becomes disgusted. However, she also thinks about how the couple is likely to last for a long time considering how calm both the bride and groom were.