Ever had a bad roommate? In these cases, roommates went above and beyond, knowingly and unknowingly, to ruin the lives of their roommates. After reading these, you'll never want a roommate again.
White Laptop or Toilet?
“My friend’s roommate comes stumbling into their dorm room. It’s blatantly obvious that she is drunk beyond reason. She starts shouting “I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.” Her roommate returns through the door once more and reiterates that she needs to go to the bathroom. Before her roommate had left to go to a party, she had placed her white mac laptop on her chair by her desk. The rationale here, is that we believe the white from the laptop on the seat made the chair look like a porcelain load-throne in the mind of her drunken roommate. So she approaches the chair, pulls down her pants, and sits on her laptop. Her roommate releases a sigh of relief that unfortunately is synchronized with the release of her bladder and bowels. Despite her laptop being covered in piss and shit, her roommate denys that this ever happened” (source).
Passive Aggressive Queen
“I had a roommate who would (attempt to) leave unjustified scathing, passive-aggressive notes for just everyone: our apartment neighbors, cars parked outside, and even our landlady. The kind of notes with overly-polite language, underlines, and randomly capitalized words. Always written in red marker. Always rude enough to get the shit beaten out of her. The worst of it was she always signed them from both of us. I spent that year following her around and removing the notes as quickly and quietly as possible” (source)
Chicken Nuggets and Popcorn
“I had a clean freak roommate who was crazy. She’d literally FREAK OUT, scream and clean up after you while you were cooking. I’d cut vegetables and be putting the first part into a pan, and she’d walk over furious that I’d left the cutting board out and messy for her to clean up…. She however only ate two things: chicken nuggets and popcorn….WHICH SHE NEVER CLEANED UP AFTER” (source).
Bunk Bed Adventures
“So I lived in a dorm room with two other guys. There was one bunk bed and one single. I slept in the single and the other two at the bunk bed. We’ll call Larry the guy on the bottom bunk and Erik the guy on the top. It was Saturday night and we all came back drunk from parties at different times. So its about 2-3am and we are all in bed. All of the sudden I begin to hear this faint moaning. I pick my head up and see Larry laughing his ass off but trying to stay quiet. Up above him is Erik who apparently is watching porn on his phone… out loud and beatin one out. Their bed was shaking. One of the most awkward experiences. The worst part was that this was the first of three times that this happened. We never confronted him” (source).
The Germaphobe Who Thought Dragons Were Real
“My first roommate in college believed dragons were real. And she was an insane germ freak as well as a hypochondriac, and ended up in the hospital about 4 times just in our first semester due to completely made up illnesses. She was such a germ freak, she yelled at me once for hanging up my towel on the towel rack behind our dorm room door because ‘it’s gross’ to put my towel there…..she’s definitely someone who should have had her own room” (source).
“I had a roommate who dumped old fruit out of our second story kitchen window onto the sidewalk below. She also got a dog without telling the other 4 roommates (that was against our rental agreement). She also cried when I got engaged because she wasn’t engaged yet” (source).
Not All Roommates Are Bad
“My roommate freshman was such a g. The first day we met, he provides reasons (unimportant) as to why I would never be sexiled. He then followed up saying, just give me a quick text or phone call an hour or so before if you are gonna bring a girl by so I can clear out. He then promised that if I ever failed to do so, and I began having sex with him in the room, he would casually introduce himself to my sex partner, with a handshake and everything…mid sex… Best roommate” (source).
“This person was a great roommate but I couldn’t sleep right for a month after. So it’s literally the first night we are sleeping in the same room. I wake up to the sound of her yelling “NO NO NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOO” and then she flings all of her blankets off of her bed and onto the floor. She sits up and looks around, sees the window and kind of whispers “not the window…” then she stands up and walks to the window. At this point i realize she must be sleep walking, or crazy. She gets to the window grabs the lock with both hands and is locking and unlocking the window over and over again while whispering to herself. She never opened it, but after about 3 minutes of that she let’s go and says “that’ll do”. And then starts walking back to her bed, but when she was passing by my bed she stopped and turned to face me. Then she just stood there sleep-staring at me for a good 2 minutes. Then she started whispering to herself again walked passed her bed to the door, dragged her hand down the middle of it, turned around and walked to her bed and went back to sleep” (source).
The Lion King
“I had a roommate in college who could only fall asleep if he watched Disney movies at night. I had to listen to them every night for hours trying to sleep. And I now hate the Lion King with the passion of a thousand burning suns” (source).
But It’s Your Turn To Do The Dishes!
“My roommate once asked for the place to herself for a romantic evening with a chef she was dating. He made her a huge seafood dinner. When I came home the next day, there was a huge pile of dishes in the sink. Her reasoning: it was my turn to do dishes. We fought about it for days, as the lobster pot and all accompanying dishes stunk up the joint. In the end, I did them because I no longer could tolerate the smell. She moved out shortly thereafter” (source).
Sweet, Sweet Revenge
“We live above a dues-paid looney, who claimed that we deliberately stomped on the floor despite our ninja-attempts to walk quietly. My friend built a TV frequency signal jammer since we could hear Mr. Douchebag’s TV through the floor, and would jam his signal, wait till he got up from his chair (this was pre-remote), and then turn off the jammer just before we heard his footsteps reaching the TV. This was the early equivalent of video games” (source).
A “Messy” Situation
“I had a roommate who absolutely refused to buy toilet paper. After weeks of her stealing ours, the other 3 of us started hiding it so she would be forced to buy her own. Instead, she started taking heaps of napkins from restaurants and stealing rolls of our paper towels. One night we all went out to dinner, came home, and the entire basement was flooded because she backed up the toilet with god only knows how much shit that shouldn’t ever be flushed. That, and she would keep piles of old food laying around her room… Never did laundry… Most disgusting human being I’ve ever met” (source).
Nothing Like Some Old Milk
“My flatmates left a bottle of milk out on the kitchen table for 3 whole weeks. I didn’t throw it out because rotten food makes me gag- it was basically solid by the end” (source).
The True Clean Freak
“A friend of mine needed a roommate in a house where he already held a lease. I moved in and paid him rent instead of adding my name to the lease. I lived there for about three months and it was great. He was always cleaning, literally always. It seemed pretty great until I came home from work one day. There was a pink note stuck to the front door that said we were being evicted because we hadn’t paid rent in three months. Turns out that cleaning was what he liked to do while high on meth” (source).
“I lived with a guy in first year who, when we were within the first week of knowing each other… asked me if I would mind if he microwaved his underwear. I obviously said no. Two weeks later I come into the kitchen and he’s looking shifty. The microwave bings, he pulls his underwear out and runs off” (source)
“When I was a junior in college, I lived in a one bedroom apartment with two other guys. One night, my roommate came home blackout drunk. After he vomited, we decided to put him to bed. Soon after, I went to bed too. However, I awoke to a dripping sound coming near my bed. It took me a few seconds to realize what was going on, but when I did I jumped out of my bed like it was on fire. It turned out that my drunk roommate was urinating all over my bed, while I was in it. On the bright side, he agreed to be my butler as reparations” (source).
Possibly The Strangest, Most Mysterious Roommate EVER. Part 1
“After college, a couple friends and I got a house just outside of the city. At various points in the 3 years we had that house, we looked to craigslist for our 4th roommate. However, over all those years, there was this one dude we all still talk about. He was an average early 20s guy, in the interview, and our landlord approved his background check/credit score. Typically groomed, average build, friendly but quiet, no red flags, etc. So, he moved in. Except as far as I know, he just started sleeping there. Didn’t bring anything….”
Part 2: What did he do?
“He didn’t use things. Not just that he kept to himself, but the kitchen, the bathroom – untouched. In the kitchen? I never saw anything but a couple mustard packets, and the fridge never had anything but kraft singles. On the counter, was a dozen half-finished tiny bottles of cough syrup. Nothing you could trip off of, though. I know he didn’t have food delivered or go anywhere. I once caught a brief glimpse of his bedroom before he closed the door – This massive room (like 18×18 or something) had a single foldable table & foldable chair exactly in the center. With a laptop on it. And a handful of cases of cheerwine. And him sitting in his underwear, no headphones or audio…”
Part 3: A Guy from a Different Planet?
“We tried to be friendly and find something in common with him. But this dude had not heard of anything we brought up. I think he acknowledged a sports game from his alma mater once, but that’s it. Basically like your grandma – no idea what the internet or media was. Never heard of any news events, didn’t get any references. I don’t even think he asked for the WiFi password.”
Part 4: A SINGLE, TINY COOKIE
“The last little tidbit I have of this guy, is my favorite. For months, we would go to use the upstairs oven near dinnertime and it was already hot. Almost never did anyone know why – until one day. On my way to the bathroom, I saw the door to the basement close, and smelled cooking food. SUPER CURIOUS after months of wondering what this guy was about, I looked in the oven. After all, we had never seen this guy have any food in the house ever, and we were fairly sure he never left or worked. Guess what was in the oven? A SINGLE, TINY COOKIE.”
Part 5: Sharpie Marks
“This went on for months, him not existing, but paying rent perfectly so we just let him be. When he moved out, he was SUPER ADAMANT that he was moving out, and that we couldn’t convince him to stay. However, when we looked in his room after, it had little black marks randomly in the carpet. Everywhere. Not smelly, not smokey, just like someone rubbed sharpie in the carpet.”
Part 6: A robot?
“This roommate was like a robot who was programmed to simulate average human behavior but only had enough battery to do this when within sight of humans, but other times just idled. He was the absolute definition of an enigma. To this day I sometimes have to question if he even existed” (source).