These are seriously some of the most hilarious and embarrassing punishments ever. Parents for the win!
Toddlers Need Their Life Insurance
"My father would threaten to cancel our life insurance when we were 5 or 6. We didn't know what that was, but god dammit we needed it."
The Spare Kids In The Attic
"My father would tell me that he built me from spare parts in the basement, and that his earlier, failed attempts lived in the attic, and that if I misbehaved he could easily send me to live with them and just build a new me. The imagery was horrifying, and it also kept me from exploring in the parts of the house he didn't want me in."
Siblings Help Ease The Pain Of Punishments
"When I was six the child psychologist said that I needed 'boundaries' and suggested that my parents punish me by making me stand on a kitchen towel in the middle of the room—kinda like standing in the corner but where I could see all the things I couldn't participate in.
It worked until my 2-year-old sister decided that it looked like fun. She got a towel of her own, carefully laid it out next to mine and stood next to me. Punishments are less effective when your parents can't help but laugh."
Mom Isn’t Messing Around
"My mom would threaten to sell me to the Russians if I misbehaved. I didn't even know what Russians were, but I was terrified of them."
Extra Homework Is Extremely Effective
"I had to write reports based on whatever I did wrong. Once I got caught lying and had to write a report about five famous liars. Another time I refused to take a bath and had to write a report about germs. This was before the internet. We had a set of encyclopedias and that was it. It was surprisingly effective."
Dad Returns To High School
"I was 15 and got caught cutting my high school classes. For the next week, my dad (who was older and had retired the year before when he was 59) went to school with me. He drove me there and then attended every class with me. He also ate lunch with me and my friends. Oh, did I mention that he wore his pajamas? He did. He didn't shave all week, either. By the time Friday rolled around, he looked like a crazy a*s, homeless person. I never cut class again."
If You Spill The Beads, You Better Apologize
"I was visiting my younger cousin in Taiwan one summer, and he was horsing around, being a normal hyperactive 8-year-old despite my uncle (his father) telling him to calm down. Then he knocks a container of colorful beads over, spilling them all over the floor. Instead of scolding him, my uncle lightly reprimands my cousin, and, with the faintest hint of a smile, makes him pick each bead up, apologize to it individually, and replace it in the bin."
Padlock The Bookshelf
"I was an absolute book worm when I was a kid. Being sent to my room did nothing as I'd spend most of my day curled up in there reading anyway. So, my parents used to padlock my bookshelf and force me to go outside for punishment."
A Not-So-Little White Lie
"Picked my nose as a kid. Mom told me that my snot was actually my braincells, and that I was slowly destroying my brain. Completely terrified."
Target Practice
"When I was a kid my sister got detention for shooting rubber bands at kids in the lunch room. When the principal called my mom she instinctively asked 'Well, did she hit anybody?' The principal quickly replied that it was not relevant. Later that night, my dad set up a target in the kitchen, on the fridge, and my sister's punishment was that she had to spend an hour a night shooting rubber bands at the target. He explained to her that if she was going to get in trouble for something, she better at least be good at it."
Nothing Like Some Good Hard Work To Scare A Kid
"I got caught skipping school when I was 14. My Dad told me that he was taking me out of school the following week. Everyday that week he would drop me off at a local business (he knew all of these people) and told them 'Here's your free helper! He doesn't want to go to school, so he gets to work!' They would work me, doing the worst sh*t ever, for eight hard hours every day. One week of that and I was begging to go back to school."
Forced Affection
"One time, my brother and I were fighting on a long car drive. Somewhere around the middle of nowhere we started to fight, and it was some seriously nonsensical sh*t. Like…'Stop looking out my window!'
We were forced to exit the car and walk, hand in hand, down the side of the road in front of our family vehicle until we 'made up.' I just imagine my parents sh*tting their pants with laughter at the scene."
Naughty Kids Get No Candy
"I was standing in line at a supermarket and in front of me was a woman and a small girl. In front of them was a young mother, with a small boy. The little boy asked his mother for a candy bar, and was told 'No'. He asked again and was told 'No', again. He threw himself on the ground, cried, screamed, and called his mother a stupid head. His mother then whispered something to the mother standing behind her and they smiled, while the boy bawled over the candy bar. His mother took a candy bar from the shelf and put it in her cart. The boy stopped crying…
After the mother and son went through the checkout, she turned around and handed the candy bar to the little girl behind her, looked directly at her son and said 'children who behave are rewarded, and children who throw tantrums and embarrass their mothers get nothing.' She turned around on her heels and left her boy silent with his jaw lying on the floor. A bunch of us broke out in applause."
No One Like To Do The Dishes
"I was always terrible at doing chores, especially the dishes. One day my mom went out and bought one of everything, all in blue (one blue plate, one blue fork…and so on) and told me that was all I was allowed to use and no one else would wash them.
There were nights I would be sitting at the table eating spaghetti out of a mug with just a knife. To this day, I'm not sure who really won that one."