Hey some of us have our little quirks and there's nothing wrong with that, but these people on the other hand, are just way too out there.
Back Up Off Me
Close talker. Really close. You back up and he follows you Source
Gimme My Food!
In my old job a guy came in ~5.30 in the morning and would beat the s— out of the vending machine to try to get free food Source
Double, Double Toil And Trouble
A friend of mine worked in a camera/developing shop when film was still king. It was a zoo of dysfunctional people, but I can only remember one, some old guy with an office at the back of the shop. He dressed in a shabby suit and dyed his hair black. My friend would frequently catch him standing in front of his desk talking softly to an imaginary person sitting in his chair —
“You can’t do this to me, Joe. You can’t do this to me …”
Also, one day he walked by his office and heard a soft clanking sound and muffled mumbling. He looked in. The guy had taken a giant cylindrical metal ashtray that was normally somewhere else in the building and moved it into his office and was stirring the cigarette butts slowly with a slotted spoon and talking quietly to himself. The air was full of dust and ash Source
A Downwind Draft
This guy comes over to me and blows in my hair when I’m working. It’s pretty harmless, but f— that guy Source
One Wary Cat
He’s a conspiracy theorist and very private about his personal life and suspicious of people over minor things. However he also has a really keen eye for social behaviors and knows when s— is going on and I’ve also seen him ask people how they’re doing because he somehow knows something is wrong. He’s a really good cook and often heads the grill during work bbq celebrations. And the dude has the most fascinating stories and insights, like he’s made me openly question some of my beliefs and I feel I’ve grown from it.
Basically if you make an effort to give him his space and you’re very open and honest about your intentions he’ll come around are feeling the situation out. Kinda like a wary stray cat that believes in aliens Source
And The Worst Offender Goes To…
Scott the Engineer: He is a 30 something asian guy with the personality of C3PO. For some reason he brushes his teeth like 5 times per day in the only bathroom in the office. SO I would go in for my morning or midmorning or afternoon s—-, and he would keep trying to strike up conversations. The conversations started to get weirder…. I tried to time my bowel movements to avoid him. One day he made a comment like “you wouldn’t spend so much time on the toilet if you ate more fiber”…. that was it so I told him to stop f—ing talking to me while I’m trying to do my business. Plus I don’t use the toilet just to s—, but as a place of reflection.
A few weeks later it came out he was timing people in the toilet and gave a list of the worst offenders to the boss….Source
The Secret Complimentor
I know its weird but I like to congratulate people on satisfyingly-sounding farts/poop touchdowns in an accent when I’m alone in the bathroom with them, making sure to hide my shoes so that it’s anonymous. I’ve gotten many thanks in return. I hope it makes peoples’ days just that much better Source
That Monster!
I work tech support help desk, the weird guy in our office is outwardly social and goes to the gym 3 times a week. F—ing monster Source
That’s One Weird Office
I have two.
The creepiest guy used to go to the bathroom and masturbate. When he arrived he used to spread the ejaculate around his neck. His reason was that because of the pheromones being let off his neck the women would instantly get horny (his words) and want to have sex with him. He was later fired for sexual harassment.
The current guy looks just like a spooked turtle all the time. He just stares at you and your computer screen while doing loud mouth breathing. He’ll also suddenly burst out into opera and other strange songs Source
A Man Behind The Mask
Dude is legitimately the only person that I’ve ever met that just gives me the willies. It’s very subtle, but it almost feels like he’s acting at all times. Like one day he’ll just rip off his skin and reveal he’s actually some reptilian saboteur Source
Silent But Deadly
I am probably the weird guy in the office, to be honest. I have no idea what people might think I do that’s creepy though, but it might be the farting Source
Dying On The Inside
Cough into his hand and then lick his palm. I sat opposite and died a little inside each time Source
Oh Wait…
He rips crazy-loud farts in the office on the regular.
There have been times he shows up unwashed, unshaven, in what appear to be pajamas.
Some mornings he takes a like 10 minute break and comes back wayyyyy too relaxed. I’m assuming he uses these breaks to masturbate.
But then, I work from home Source
Feeling Uncomfortable
Last year, there was a girl in one of my smaller uni classes who’d somehow gotten 90% of the classes’ snapchat usernames. She sent us all at least 20 10 second, zoomed in videos of tongue slowly licking her lips until we all blocked her. Tapping through those videos was the most uncomfortable I’ve ever been Source
What A Stalker
He stands right outside the women’s bathroom door. Whenever I’m leaving the bathroom he’s there. I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable Source
The Silent Creep
He follows me around but doesn’t say anything to me. When he notices I am talking to somebody, he’ll come over and never has any input. I’ll ask him things to break the ice and he acts like I’m bugging him Source
Growing Beans
He sprouts mung beans on a damp paper towel in his desk drawer Source