Security Guards are constantly monitoring the surroundings to make sure everyone and everything is safe. While doing so they witness some pretty crazy things. Sometimes it's on camera or CCTV, sometimes it's with their own eyes, but wow can they be insane.
We took to Reddit to find out what is the funniest, craziest, scariest or downright strangest thing actual security guards have caught on camera. Some advice can be gleaned from these as well - just assume everything you do is being recorded!
The Staring Man
“When I was a regular security officer at my first site, I would work the night shift.
My job was to basically walk the building’s interior and exterior and watch the CCTVs. At night, the cameras sometimes don’t show perfect images. Anyways, after I am done with an external round at 3 am one night, I go inside and look at one of the cameras that cover an especially dark corner of the building. Standing there, doing absolutely nothing but staring at the camera, is a lone man. I cannot distinguish his features because of the camera’s low quality, but this man is just standing there staring at the camera, not moving an inch. He wasn’t doing anything mischievous, so I couldn’t call the police just yet.
I killed some time and reviewed the recorded footage to see when he got there. I watched as he popped out of the bushes right after I’m seen walking by from my recent external round. He seems to follow me a little bit but when I cut out of view he stops and stares at the camera until I come back into the control room. When I stop the DVR, I look back at the camera and he is gone.
I did NOT go back outside until sunrise because I’m a lady and he was a much bigger person than me, therefore, if I were to confront him I’m pretty sure nothing good would have happened.”
A Cheater Discovered
“I worked for security when I was in college. The girl I had been seeing came and visited me at my office since I was working a midnight to 8 am shift. She was swinging by to say goodbye because it was the end of the semester and she was moving back home for the summer. We kissed, said our goodbyes, etc, and she left.
Well, not two minutes after leaving she shows up at the entrance to one of the dorms that my office covers. A guy comes to the door, they make out briefly, then disappear inside. She didn’t leave before the end of my shift. Seeing that felt bad.”
His New Nickname Became Speed Bump
“Part of my job is to keep the camera servers up to date and running, and if there are any issues, to review the tape with management during the incident so they can see what happened.
When I first started working for the company, an automotive dealership in this case, we had an incident. One of the salespeople had ‘stolen’ a deal from another salesman by telling the customer the other salesman didn’t work there anymore. This had happened more than once.
On the camera, just as the sale stealer enters the frame and starts to walk to the center, the other guy comes driving in on a golf cart and just smashes into him. As the guy hits the ground, the other guy swings himself out of the golf cart and starts pummeling the ever-loving snot out of the guy, then climbs back into the golf cart and drives off. The second guy gets off the ground, picks up his phone, blood streaming out of his nose and lips, and starts looking at something on his phone while he calmly walks off.
The reason the manager found out was because the guy that got beat up called him and told him he had to go home and change because he pooped his pants. Then when the cops came, they were leading the aggressor, saying stuff like, ‘it was just an act of passion right, he stole your deal and you got mad, it was sudden right?’ And the guy kept telling him, no, he told him last week he was gonna do it if he stole his deal, and he warned him!
He wouldn’t take the hint, so they arrested him on attempted murder since he tried to run him over with the golf cart, and kept telling them he had planned it out the week before.
A week or so later I was at that store and the guy that got run over was talking smack to me, so I said, ‘I don’t have time for your nonsense right now, Speed Bump.'”
“When I was seventeen, I was working security in a twelve-story building in Dallas. It was a full security building and my job was to take the elevator to the top and walk down over and over randomly going into offices and checking them. It was a big building as it was multi-use with dozens of companies inside.
One night around 3 AM, when I was pretty much the only person in the building, I was wandering around in an office I hadn’t been in much and went into a corner room just to look around. Mostly I was intending to look out the windows and check the parking lot. I rarely bothered turning on lights. I usually just randomly lit things up with my flashlight.
I watched the parking lot for a moment then turned to wander out. The office closet had no doorknob, and looking right at me through the hole was an eye. After half of my hair fell out, and my heart started to slow down, I realized the guy who owned that office had put a poster on the other side of that door with an eye lined up with that hole. I’m still mad at him.”
Losing Everything For Something Stupid
“I do computer tech support. I do simple stuff. Can’t print? I’m your guy!
One day a middle-aged, married gent comes up to me and tells me that he met a girl online and promised he’d help her set up an adult webcam site, but he doesn’t know the first thing about computers. I’m surprised that he was able to get into a chat room. I quickly declined. I told him I knew nothing about web programming (true) and good luck with his endeavor (not heartfelt).
Time goes by and one day I find myself in the security office. The security guy is old as the hills, and I’m setting up the laptop for his new, fresh out of college sidekick. I see them watching the monitor and see it’s the guy from before. He’s in the office RIGHT NEXT DOOR. They are sharing a wall. I see him get up and lock his door, sit down at the PC and up pops adult videos. The old security guy says to the kid: ‘Go ask to borrow a pencil.’
The kid goes over and knocks on the door. The dude shuts down his PC (including turning off the monitor), grabs everything on the printer and throws it in the trash, and comes to the door.
‘Got a pencil?’ the kid asks.
‘Sure’ and he gives the security kid a pencil.
The kid comes back and we watch the guy lock the door, boot the PC, turn the monitor back on, logs in, and continues watching these videos. Old dude says to the kid ‘Now go borrow a sharpener.’ I was dying. Again, the PC is downed, monitor turned off (no idea why), door unlocked, etc. He was escorted off the property about a week later.
After the fact I found out he had left pictures in the trash which people had found and complained about, and that security had him on video waxing the carrot in his office. He had worked at the company for 25 years and was escorted off the property having just lost himself OUT OF HIS PENSION!!! I can’t even imagine what he told his wife. It also turned out that he was doing this from work so his wife wouldn’t find out. Oops! I really wish I would have gone into security instead of PC support!”
Fun With The Gang
“I worked at a Community College A/V department for a while.
The security office hired me to make (and then run) a bunch of hidden camera setups. There was an epidemic of theft on campus, and security suspected their own people, so they went to another department for help. I threw together a couple simple setups, cams in VHS cases, clocks, pc speakers, etc.
One of the first places they had me set things up was in the office of the president of the college. They were complaining of things being moved, but not stolen. There were other places that needed the gear more, but the president gets what she wants. First day after having the rig setup, I’m reviewing the tape from the night before. Around midnight the light in the office comes on. I know it’s not cleaning, they were there hours earlier. It ended up being several of the president’s office staff, about 7-8 people…naked…all getting it on.
When it came time to report the first week’s results, I gave security a video file of static technical difficulties. Left a note on the desk of one of the president office employees, an anonymous note, of course, suggesting that they stop. I included a still frame shot of their escapades. A week later several of the staff quit (which was NOT my intention). I felt kinda bad about the whole thing and handed over the task to someone else. While it was REALLY poor decision making, and just a dangerous thing to do, at the same time, I knew these people professionally, they were all decent people, just made bad choices. I really saw (and still see) no reason why they should have lost their jobs, and had a black mark that could have followed them through life. Stealing on the other hand… not cool. They figured out that was from the cleaning staff and a few of the security staff. Stole everything that wasn’t bolted down to the freaking floor. Just the things I recorded being stolen in a single week were upwards of $20,000! They even stole the change and candy bar, which REALLY ticked off one of the staff out of people’s desk drawers. They took ~$10 out of a donation box for Make-A-Wish! You have to be a crappy person to do that… for $10 freaking dollars.
I worked with one of my staff and made a good case, passed it to security, who got their ducks in a row, handed it to police. When I left working there, they were just starting the criminal case. I’m confident we got em.”
“At around 2 am on a weekend a random dude walking down the street with no shirt on was systematically going to all the trees along the road and hugging them…passionately. Then a random motorist catches his attention. Shirtless guy charges out onto the street in front of the car causing the driver to slam on his brakes. He then proceeded to drop to all fours and mock charge the vehicle. The terrified motorist throws their car into reverse, turns completely around and speeds off. Shirtless guy continues to hug trees.
At that point, I called the police.”
Laughing At The Misfortune
“I was a security guard for two years while going to college. There were a few spots you were bound to find some great footage. We had a building in Boulder, CO which housed many upper-class snobs with way too much money, talking about condos ranging from 500K- 6 Million.
One day while sitting there watching the cameras, I came across a woman having nothing but trouble trying to leave her parking garage. She was trying to stick her ticket in the machine but didn’t park close enough to it. She attempted to open the door and reach with all her might! Next thing you know, she is out of the car, her arm stuck in the seatbelt, and the car starts rolling away from her. The best part is when she finally freed her arm, she attempted to hold the Jeep by the opening of the door and tried to stop it from rolling. She FAILED and the car dragged her through the gate and crashed into a wall in front of her.
We called everyone over for the next few weeks to watch the video, unfortunately, the property management found out that we were laughing at the misfortune of one of their residents and had the videos removed.”
Mall Security Sure Sees A Lot Of Crazy Stuff
“I used to work mall security.
-I caught many people getting it on in the parking lot on cam, including mall tenant employees that I see all the time.
-I saw a skunk with a yogurt cup over its head run in circles for 5 hours during an overnight. A brave guard knocked the cup off its head when we discovered it.
-I saw a 2000 lb snow gate lift up off its peg and fall over with nobody around. It’s a big metal gate on the top level of a parking garage that when it snows, it’s on a hinge that swings out and the plows push snow off of it into dump trucks. That was creepy. Took a forklift to get it back.
-I saw a few security guards fall off Segways.
-I saw a woman tumble down a flight of stairs, turn 90 degrees left, continue tumbling on flat ground, turn 90 degrees right and tumble down another flight of stairs (no idea what that was about).
-I saw a car catch fire seemingly spontaneously.
-I saw a woman poop on her boyfriend’s windshield. She just mounted the hood. It looked like someone dropped a chocolate ice cream cone. The victim worked at the mall and he was doing inventory, it was around 3 am when it happened and he didn’t know what happened. He thought it was puke until we looked up the video. He drove home with it on his windshield. We showed him the next day and he didn’t seem that upset or surprised. I think he cheated on her. It was weird.”
A Big Sniff
“I worked at a large retail establishment for many a year and the ‘highlight reel’ of the security team was awesome.
The weirdest thing was two bros shopping in electronics together, not looking particularly suspicious. I mean these were your typical teenage type dudes; khaki cargo shorts, backward hats, Abercrombie shirts. One perched down to look at something on the bottom shelf and the other one came up, put his hand on the crouching guy’s shoulder, and fully puts his hand down the back of the guy’s pants. Bro number 1 is unfazed. Bro number 2 steps back and inhales deeply the backdoor essence of bro number 1.
They don’t buy anything and then leave nonchalantly.”
Keep It In The Family
“My job title was ‘friction manager’ when I worked at an adult entertainment club.
Basically, my job was to sit in a booth located in the ‘friction room’, and watch two large screens that showed an image of each private dance room. I kept a tally of the number of dances each girl performed and charged the clients accordingly. I also kept an eye out for overly aggressive customers and called security when needed. I was also responsible for making sure none of the girls were doing anything illegal in those rooms.
On my second day, I had to fire a girl for allowing a man to stick his fingers up her butt. I saw countless cat fights. I saw countless guy whip out and finish on the dancer. I saw a guy that would fly in once a week to pay a girl $2000 to kick him in his nuts for an hour. The worst thing though was the mother/daughter team we had. Guys would find out, and have them both give dances together. Eventually the daughter ended up ODing and died. It was very sad. I couldn’t do the job after a while. It was only $10/hr and for the work, it wasn’t enough. The hours sucked. I have to admit it was pretty nice having all the naked ladies around, but you really see a dark side of humanity that balances out the enjoyability.”
A Mysterious Figure
“I’m currently working the third shift security at a fairly quiet datacenter. It’s super easy and I don’t really see many people. There are usually about 4 or 5 employees around who also work in the building. I pretty much just sit at a desk, monitor cameras, and every now and then check on the data centers – every hour or so.
While I was working one night, I was just kind of hanging out at the desk. It seemed like a typical night, nothing going on. So, here I am sitting, every now and then looking at the cameras when something managed to catch my eye on one of the monitors. I look over to see a frozen image of a little girl in one of the dark hallways near the back of the building. I could not believe what I was seeing. I literally say out loud, ‘OH NO!’ No way I’m going back there to check it out, then I remember I can just do a playback to see if I was just missing something. I rewind to find out I missed one of the employees leading his daughter around which was missed by the fact that the computer the cameras are tied to is worthless…it had skipped those frames. Could not have been more relieved.”
Perfect Hiding Place
“At Walmart, somebody called us and told us that we may want to check out the paint aisle. I’m not sure if anybody is aware of the paint shelf at Walmarts, but it’s a big industrial-sized shelving unit designed to hold the weight of all the paint.
On camera, you could just see that a bunch of paint on the bottom shelf was moved so we decided to go check it out. Upon entering the aisle, and looking on the bottom shelf and whoops! two guys getting it on.
We were too flabbergasted to even say anything. We kind of just walked away, and decided to forget we ever saw anything.”
He’s Seen Things
“FYI: if you’re an attractive woman who works in an office building with card reader access and a security staff, there’s a good chance the male guards know you by name and may have a nickname for you.
As far as things I’ve seen: I’m a guard at an office building. I’ve seen two separate women urinate on the property. One was obviously wasted and tried to conceal herself in some bushes in the middle of the night. The other woman pulled up to our parking garage entrance, got out of her car and (in full view of our security camera) and went to the bathroom for about 90 seconds in broad daylight.
I’ve also seen a peeping tom pleasuring himself outside a window in some condos next to my building. The police were called and he was arrested. The woman he was watching was older, I believe, and just doing laundry. I’ve lost count of the people I’ve recorded parked on the property doing the dirty in a car. This includes an on-duty cop who would park and then be joined by a woman for an hour.”
“I work security for a relatively large bank with a lot of offices in Europe. I can log on and look at any camera we have on any of our branches or ATMs or deposit boxes.
One time, we had an alarm at one of our branch offices. There is nothing to be seen on camera at the site, so I dispatch a security guard to check this and reset the alarm or find out if it’s a malfunction, etc. The guard arrives and finds nothing unusual on the site. Being a bit lazy I guess he doesn’t even write down the alarm detector number – he just confirms nothing unusual and resets it. Then the guard leaves and 10 minutes after that we get another alarm, this time from one of the safes at the place.
I check the video again and notice a light on in the safe room (it goes on automatically) and there are bits of plaster on the floor. So we contact the police and they go there with the security guard so he can let them in. I then check the video and see that there has been a burglar in the building. He’d gone in through the roof, using a ski mask and such stuff – he had set off the first alarm too, sprayed the IR detector with paint and then he sat on the roof probably and waited for security to reset the alarm.
His mistake was to touch the safes. As soon as he tripped that alarm he went out of his hole in the roof and got out of ‘dodge,’ He was not caught.”
“I worked one graduation night at Disneyland and I always loved working Pirates of the Caribbean.
About an hour before the kids headed back to the buses (3am-ish) things got really quiet and very few people came through the rides. The ones that did were always couples looking for someplace to make out. Being in the dispatch booth was always great at that point because you had a full view of all of the cameras throughout the ride.
I saw many acts of intimacy performed. Depending on who was working at unloading, I would let them know when it was happening and he would give them a wink or shake his finger at them to let them know that we knew.”