There’s nothing that brings you more joy than seeing your kids play with their toys on Christmas morning. Although, if you bought your kids any of these toys, you might feel differently about them playing. Unless you want to set your kids up for failure, you might want to stay clear of these awful toys.
Shaving Baby Doll
Another Japanese classic— this hairy baby doll. Show your kids that body hair is nasty and they need to get rid of it, and ALL of it, early on.
Breast Feeding Baby Doll
What better gift for your young daughter than giving her a pretend baby? That is, unless it includes a strap-on kit for simulated breast feeding.
Russian Roulette GunKabba Kick is a Japanese toy gun that gives kids all the fun of Russian Roulette without the consequences — you know, like death. Show kids that pretend suicide is fun!
Lightning Reaction Game
Players must hit the light before their opponents or receive an electrical shock. What better way to bond the family like shocking everyone?
TSA PlaymobilTSA security checks can be fun. Let’s hope the set comes with latex gloves for those random cavity searches.
STD Plush ToysGive your kids an STD this Christmas! No, really. These cute plush toys will get your kids familiar with all the STDs.
E.T. Finger Light
Pretty sure there might’ve been a surplus of sex toys when they created this. Come on, there’s no reason this should’ve ever been distributed.
The Punisher Shape Shifter
The Shape Shifter Punisher comes equipped with a “crotch rocket.” Really? Who let this get past inspection?
My Cleaning Trolley
What better to teach your girl to reach for the stars and do what their heart tells them to. Show them the glamorous life of following gender roles with this kit!
Two Finger Squirter Water GunKids need to learn that two fingers will always do the trick. You’re just giving them a head start in life.
God Action FigureWhat better way to put the fear of God in your kid. Plus, God is ready for anything with his Kalashnikov AK-47.
Vibrating Harry Potter Broom
Another sexually charged toy meant for kids. Don’t be surprised if this toy sees use beyond its intended age group.
Jibba Jabber Doll
The Jibba Jabber doll makes noise when you shake its neck. Strangling someone is a great pastime — better let your kid know that right away.
Lil’ Monkey Baby DollNothing says racial progress like this “lil’ monkey” baby doll. If you want to set America back a few generations, this is for you.
Pole Dancer Doll
Set your daughter up for an exciting life with this pole dancing doll. Might as well go ahead and give her some clear platform heels to go along with it.
Toxic Waster Playmobil
Show kids how much fun toxic waste cleanup is. Just wait until one of the helmets pop off — then it’s quarantine time.