Work isn't always a place of smiling faces and sweet coffee aromas. Sometimes some pretty messed up things go down at work and these are definitely the worst we've seen.
The Horror!
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“This happened to me last night. I work at Best Buy and noticed a young couple (probably around 20) walking around but very very close to each other. The guy is wrapped around the girl from behind with his hand down the front of her gym shorts past the last knuckle on his hand. One of the other employees goes over to tell them they have to leave since we got a few complaints about them.
The girl immediately starts crying and tells the employee that it’s ok, she just had an abortion and her boyfriend is helping hold the pad they gave her to prevent blood from leaking everywhere. They talk for a minute or two and it ends with the guy offering to show the pad to the employee as proof, which he declines.
The employee walks back to me with this look of horror on his face and recounts the entire thing to me. To top it off, the happy couple is there with their grandmother and mother. The mother is very obviously either high or very drunk and is playing tag with another customer’s son in the cell phone section. Turns out they were all at the store to get the girl a new cell phone to make her feel better.”
A Heated Debate
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“I’m an IT guy for a school board. I work in a bunch of different schools.
Once at lunch, I was in a room full of fifth graders while they were being supervised only by some zoned-out lunch lady. They were having a civil, though heated debate on whether or not Osama Bin Laden was actually dead. This was the day after Obama had announced they’d killed him.
Not a traditional wtf moment but still made me do the Jackie Chan “WTF” face.”
Back Off My Fish
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“I was feeding my goldfish at work and my coworker was standing behind me, we were having a conversation. He asked me if I like owning a fish. I respond, “Sure, he’s cute. I love my fish.” Out of nowhere, he says, “I hate animals. I don’t care if they get burned alive, skinned to death, stomped on, or gutted.”
Awkward, wide-eyed silence. “Uh… so, I guess… you’ve never really had a pet…”
To this day, I find my fish’s filter frequently unplugged. One day the water was oddly frothy and water-treatment chemicals were sitting out. I changed out his water immediately.
He’s a decent guy, I just don’t know what the f— he has against my fish.”
Game Over
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“There’s this one guy at work who comes in on time day in and day out, does his work with enthusiasm and focus, and never complains or expresses disillusionment.”
A Brutal Scar
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“When I worked at an ICU in a big hospital in Germany, I once had an patient who fell from a ladder while cutting a tree. He had broken arms and legs, and they were dealt with fast at the ER, but one thing he forgot to mention, probably because he was ashamed…he fell on a stick, to grow roses on, like 1.5m long. It penetrated him at his perineum, found his way through the guts up to his diaphragma, which was punctured and made the lung collapse… he pulled it out himself and called the medics, but told no one of it. Luckily he got an CT scan and it was relatively fast found, so that the problem with his breathing could be fixed, but every time I think about it my whole body cringes.”
A Sight To See
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“Well, about three years ago I worked weekends at a bar. It was an upscale gay bar and we usually had a good crowd. As a barback, I was pretty low on the totem pole and spent my nights running cases of beer from the basement up to the bar.
Well, one night, we were pretty busy. As I was coming up the basement stairs (employee only area), an older gentleman opened the door and began walking down. I didn’t have the time to stop him at the moment and sometimes the owner’s friends would go down to the basement to use their phones or whatever.
I told my friend and coworker about it and he kinda brushed it off. I kept up with the rush until I needed to run more beer. I asked my coworker to come with me in case the man was still down there (I’m of the female persuasion by the way, and I was got a weird vibe from the guy).
We descended the staircase together and turned the corner. At this point we could see straight back into the liquor storeroom. The man had stripped naked, borrowed a Kahlua bottle and was just sitting there drinking it.
This image will be forever ingrained in my memory.”
Poor Puppies
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“I worked for a veterinary clinic… it was a very hot day, probably close to 90 degrees. A lady pulls up in her beater car, opens the trunk and about 6 dogs jump out panting, sickly looking. Yeah, lady puts 6 dogs in trunk on a hot day to go to the vet to get rabies shots. Call the humane society, and refused to let her take the dogs. She fought us and then finally took the dogs, put them back in the trunk. We had the license plate number, her address (had to supply for Rabies shots) and descriptions of all pets, and names… idiot. Humane society loved this one.”
Nasty!
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“I was loading up a patient for transport in an ambulance. She had clearly crapped her pants. They were baggy, brown stained and she reeked of s—. Put her on stretcher and strapped her down despite her flailing about and eventually becoming dead weight. I go to start the IV on her and the paramedic stopped me and placed a blanket in my lap while pointing at her hands. She had been playing in her own s—. It was all over her hands and fingernails. Then I saw her teeth.. She had been eating it.”
A Poopy Nightmare
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“It was closing time at the Goodwill I worked at a couple years back. All employees do a sweep of the store to make sure no one else is in there before we lock the doors (it is a pretty large goodwill). I notice that there was a light still on in the bathroom, which I had the pleasure of having to clean that night. I let everyone know that somebody, and not an employee, is still in the bathroom. I kindly knocked on the bathroom door to let said patron know we were closing. Then a voice from the other said says “You can come in.” A bit weirded out but guarded with my mop I turn the handle to enter the bathroom only to be b—-slapped in the face by the foulest smell I have ever encountered in my entire 19 years. Standing in the middle of the washroom, almost like walking in on a child after they had gotten caught doing something bad, stood a woman of nearly 400 pounds, covered in her own s—. S— splattered on the walls. S— splattered on the floor. S— splattered on the sink. S—. WAS. EVERYWHERE. The s— queen the proceeded to apologize for “the mess” and said the she must be going now, leaving s— footprints with every step she took. It took me an hour to clean the whole bathroom. I got a $.25 raise the next day.”
C’mon Lady!
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“A lady had changed her dirty tampon MID MOVIE at the cinema I worked at. She left the tampon there, along with bloodied receipts and other things she found in her bag to wipe herself clean. There were toilets next door.”
A Pile Of Rags
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“When I was a teenager, I worked at a Little Ceasers Pizza place, and let’s just say the management wasn’t really concerned with cleanliness: the floors were half-a–edly swept and mopped so that the corners collected great mounds of congealed cheese and olives, and the crevices in the make lines were veritable bacteria.
By far the foulest thing I ever experience there was one day (when I was still fairly new) I was going to retrieve some bleach rags from the back… you know, rags soaked in bleach water to “sanitize” stuff. I noticed the great stainless steel basin had a pretty big mound of dirty ones, and being the naive little s— that I was, I decided to take it upon myself to get them all rinsed out and sent to be laundered.
No sooner had I peeled back the third or fourth of these things did I realize I was looking at a pulsating mound of bleach rags. I wasn’t sure what to think, but the f—— things were undulating like your parents’ water bed. Curiosity piqued, I gingerly fingered one last rag when, BAM! Maggots.
Maggots f—— EVERYWHERE, an orgy of huge, fat suckling pigs of maggots, inexplicably writing about in the bleach rags.
Needless to say, I left them alone for some other poor a–hole to deal with because I was too nauseated. Apparently someone had cleaned up a bunch of sausage that fell on the floor, and instead of just putting it in the trash they decided to leave it in a bleach rag to serve host to a housefly f—fest.
Mercifully, I was fired a month later for oversleeping and being late to my morning shift.
Not Big Enough
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“I was working at a Mexican restaurant last year. One night this guy comes in and is visibly perturbed, but he orders a carne asada and everything seems fine. His waiter brings him the steak and a cheesy steak knife to cut it with. The guy inspects the steak asks for a bigger knife, so his waiter grabs a sturdier steak knife with an eight inch blade. The guy says no, I need a bigger knife. So the waiter goes to the kitchen and grabs carving knife. The guy, still unsatisfied, demands an even bigger knife so his waiter goes back to the kitchen and gets him what could be easily be mistaken for a machete – a carving knife with a blade at least a foot long. The guy eats his steak and then when he comes up to pay he grabs the waiter, the guy who brought him the knife, and holds the knife to his ribs screaming about his steak being overdone. He was clearly deranged. Another waiter tackles this lunatic and we call the police.”
Um, Sir…
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“I used to be a cashier at Barnes & Noble.
Relatively speaking, ours was a smaller store. It was in the little shopping district of an upscale city just outside of Seattle, so most of our customers were housewives with their kids, teachers getting supplies or professionals buying the latest hardback bestseller.
Anyway, I’m standing alone at the cash wrap one day on a sunny weekday afternoon. I’m at my register, looking down at the schedule, when someone I hadn’t heard approach clears their throat roughly from the other side of the counter. Well, now I feel like an a–. Wonder how long they’ve been standing there.
I look up and there is a very tall, dark-haired, bearded guy looking back at me with a slightly disgruntled expression. He drops a sci-fi book on the counter, but I don’t immediately make a move to pick it up, because I’m distracted by the fact that he’s covered in blood. Dark, viscous rather important-looking blood is dribbling steadily out of his mouth, down his chin and neck and has already stained most of the front of his plaid shirt.
“Oh my god, are you alright? I’ll call an ambulance.”
He clears his throat again (which now sounds more like a necessity than a social cue) and pushes the book at me.
“You really look like you need medical atten–“
He pushes the book at me.
So I dumbly rang up his book, took his cash, gave him change, and watched him walk out the front doors, leaving a Jackson-Pollock trail of blood spatters behind him. I informed the store manager, who found blood all over the men’s bathroom and in the sci-fi and fantasy areas. We called the police, who wouldn’t have had much better to do in that city but look for bleeding weirdos, but they never got back to us to let us know whether they found him.”
A Crazy Cat Lady
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“I work at an all cat veterinary clinic, nothing too f—– up. I will say this though, I have seen many ‘crazy cat ladies,’ the kind of people I never knew really existed. One woman saves all of her cat’s hair after brushing so she can make a sweater FOR HERSELF, others who eat their cats food “to make sure she’ll like it.” I think the biggest shock to me is how much money they spend on their animals, there are certain clients that spend close to $500 weekly on their cat; I have a cat whom I love, but could never justify spending that amount of money.”
Ignoring The Problem
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“A woman who I worked with had major issues. She went through some type of nervous breakdown (she worked for the President who was the most demanding person I ever met) and she had an eating disorder. The woman weighed about 95lbs soaking wet. She wouldn’t even drink water. She also hoarded stuff in her car, it was packed with trash and shoes up to the ceiling. The President put her in an eating disorder clinic for 8 months and brought her back. She still neither ate nor drank. She fell asleep constantly and couldn’t even function. The President made everyone take turns being her “lunch buddy” to make sure she ate. (where she would spit food into napkins after each bite) Then we found throw up in a zip lock baggie in the freezer when they were forcing her to eat. We would also find her standing in random offices in the dark, just staring in the corner at the wall when she would be missing for an hour or so. She also would order $1500 worth of shoes at a time, at a size two sizes bigger than she actually wore. After three years of this, I couldn’t take it anymore and told them that they should move her outside the Corporate office to another location and provide us with an employee that could function. We couldn’t take off when we wanted or go to lunch when we wanted because we could never leave her alone. I was reprimanded and written up by HR and then pulled into an office three days in a row where some big dude screamed at me for over two hours. I ended up leaving the fourth day because it was such a hostile work environment.”
A Picture’s Worth A Thousand Words
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“I’m an X-ray technologist, so I cant tell you! Just imagine how many household items can be inserted into our rectum, then add a few more to that list.”
A Punch To The Face
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“From being a stage hand:
Saw Faith Hill punch a girl in the face for grabbing her husband’s crotch. It was a d— good hit, too.
Saw Celine Dion show up for a concert with more and more obviously armed security then the vice president, who had been there two weeks earlier.
I have physically run into The Undertaker 3 times, once a year, for the past three years. I work WWE on Monday, I have bets down to see if it occurs again.”
A Bust
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“Had a guy drive in, start getting gas, then come out of his car with a crack pipe, just as a state tropper pulled in. Trooper went over to investigate, bad guy swung on the trooper. The trooper arrested the guy, and as they searched his car found a full kilo of black tar heroin. The station was shut down for he rest of the day while the local cops and feds investigated, but I still got paid.”