Security Guards witness people doing the weirdest things because they're always watching out to protect. Here are some interesting stories that takes you behind what a security guard has to deal with.
“They spent all night racing around the mall in…”
“I used to work at a mall in the security department and I was pretty good friends with rest of our security guards. One day I get a call to come up to the video room while I am there they shown me a video of two of the night guards. They spent all night racing around the mall in wheelchairs that we lend out. After showing me a couple minutes of them just rolling around it then switches cameras to the stairs where you see the two roll up and stop for a bit them one tries to roll himself down the stairs on the wheelchair. After getting down 2 or 3 steps he then loses control of the wheelchair and continues to fall down the rest of the stairs face first with the wheelchair in top of him. You see the other guy bust out laughing and not paying attention. You then see a 3rd night guard come up behind him and push him down the stairs as well. It may have been one of the funniest moments I’ve ever seen. Nobody was injured but it made for a great story.”
“The mom watches it happen and…”
“One time a family was in the store with their kid younger than 4. They’re standing by a display when kid drops trow and takes a sh*t on the middle of the floor. The mom watches it happen and instantly a look of horror comes over her face, she smacks her husband on the shoulder then grabs the child in one arm and scoops the turd into her other hand. and runs full speed out of the store. Dad wasn’t as fast to react and just apologized profusely wanting to fix it. The employees were cool told him worse has happened don’t worry and called the maid.”
“She had picked up a frozen turkey…”
“I’m a security guard at a pretty popular supermarket in the UK. An old woman who had a record for shoplifting and shoplifting ‘attempts’ (this bits important) was on basically her last warning from us and the police. She was 75+ and there was certainly an element of sympathy at play, but also confusion to why she kept stealing sh*t. Whether it was for the buzz, I don’t know, but what she ended up doing is f**king hilarious. She had picked up a frozen turkey around the Christmas period and we were on at her immediately. We asked her to make sure she was paying for it before she left. She put it back. 20 minutes later she’s found outside the shop passed out with a frozen turkey ‘under’ her hat. Out cold, literally.”
“Well, this dancing girl seemed to float…”
“One of the weirdest was the dancing girl. It was on a tape called “dancing girl”. In the middle of a stormy night, a girl was caught dancing outside the fence. Moving her hands like the Eliza Lam case. She danced and rotated back and forth, and then she started moving towards the fence. Remember the girl who fell into the ditch with her wedding dress? Well, this dancing girl seemed to float above that ditch… before disappearing and reappearing on the inside of the base, and then disappeared off camera. This is serious as it meant a breach, which meant that a few unlucky souls had to drive down to that section to check it out. I dug out the report on that case and it was the shortest report I’ve ever seen. After studying the tape during countless nights, we surmised that she had no face.”
“My supervisor started barking like a dog…”
“While a shoplifter was running from us and heading into a wooded area, my supervisor started barking like a dog. We couldn’t see the woman and couldn’t hear her running anymore, but we saw her tracks in the snow. My supervisor keeps barking and yells that he is going to send the dog in after her. She screams that she is giving up and to not send the dog in. We get her cuffed and the whole way walking back to our office she is freaking out about how she is afraid of dogs and to keep it away from her… She never caught on that there was no dog.”
“Working security for Target, we had a guy come in and…”
“My best story is also my worst. Working security for Target, we had a guy come in and steal a bicycle pump. When we approached him in the parking lot, he had a bicycle with a cart attached. He was clearly homeless, and he was furiously trying to inflate one of the tires on the bike. My boss had already called the cops, but after seeing the man’s circumstances, I couldn’t l let him be arrested, so I ran back inside and paid for the pump myself. When the cops showed up, I told them everything was fine. My boss was pretty pissed about the whole thing, but I didn’t care. I quit over the bs from the whole ordeal. I don’t regret it one bit though. It was a sh*tty job anyway.”
“My trainee had never seen one before…”
“Not my current security Gig but when I did security in Obetz, Ohio. I was training a new guard, an Immigrant from Somalia, I can’t remember his name but he was very unfamiliar with everything about america. One night around 3am we saw a skunk walking around outside of our guard shack, My trainee had never seen one before and asked what it was. I explained that it was a Skunk and exactly what would happen if he got too close to it. Well he didn’t believe me and decided it looked like a cat, he got sprayed and I made him stand outside the shack. It was also his first winter in Ohio.”
“I used to run a 24 hour library at night…”
“I used to run a 24 hour library at night which basically entailed occasionally answering a question, fixing machines and keeping drunks and criminals out. Mostly the last part, student town, lots of drunks wanting to come in and f**k with it. Anyway I was based on a kind of mezzanine above the second entrance where there was coffee machines and stuff. Had to stop a couple properly going at it against a coffee machine, I’m astounded they didn’t knock the f**king thing over. I was sat there with my feet up watching a film on the pc, eating some popcorn and I just heard this BANG BANG BANG BANG looked over at the cameras and sure as sh*t he was going to town on her. Shouted down ‘You’re on camera guys, I don’t want any extra milk with my latte’ and the girl pushes the dude off and f**king flips out about it, eventually runs out. Dude follows her out and I chuckle and go back to my film. I stopped a lot of people trying to bang in the library to be fair.”
“Happily that the manager was able to…”
“I worked at a place where it turned out, the security guard himself became homeless. At first he just seemed a bit rough around the edges, dirty clothes and looked like he needed a shower. Then his behavior changed and he started doing odd things. Eventually the manager talked to him and found out the guy’s wife cheated on him and told him to get out, so he just up and left his wife and kids in the house. Turned out he was securing the place during the night, then hiding out in some store room in the basement and sleeping in the day. He wasn’t making a lot of money and he wanted his kids taken care of so most of it was still paying for the home he was no longer allowed to sleep in. Happily that the manager was able to rent the guy one of the store rooms he’d been sleeping in officially for super cheap till he was able to get back on his feet, and was able to help secure him some legal advice so he wasn’t taken advantage of. Terrible thing homelessness, but in this case a beautiful thing that someone reached out to help the poor guy.”
“It was frequent enough to cause HR meetings,…”
“The hidden d**k. It’d show up everywhere. On equipment, on patrol checklists, in notebooks… It was a very particularly drawn d**k. It wasn’t constant, but it was frequent enough to cause HR meetings, finger pointing, sexual harassment threats and so on. The mystery person was then proclaimed “the d**k bandit.” To this day, nobody knows for sure who the d**k bandit was… Every so often, a d**k will show up on something. And we know. We know. He lives.”
“I was working security at a ‘ghost tour’ at night…”
“I was working security at a ‘ghost tour’ at night at the old Missouri state penitentiary. Nothing happened to us, but in the gas chamber this girl in our group had a full on asthma attack and said she felt like she couldn’t breathe. We walked out of there and she had these awful red scratch marks all over her arms. I don’t know if she was faking it all or what happened but definitely was creepy.”
“I follow him, he decides to get on the…”
“I work security at a big sports arena, one morning we have a ice hockey skills camp for kids and afterwards kids (plus parents) get to watch the professional hockey team practice. I was told to patrol the section they are sitting in and do crowd control, don’t let kids or parents wander into other areas of the building. I spot a kid (7 or 8 years old) walking into different section of the bowl where he’s not allowed. I follow him, he decides to get on the railings for some stairs and slide in between the railing and the concrete, lays down and starts humping the pole that leads into the railing. I yell at him to stop and go back to your parents, he leaves, I walk away, but I come back around 5 minutes later and this kid is there again humping the shit out of the pole. I yelled at him to quit humping the pole, I’ve already told you once. A bunch of parents hear me and turn around to see this kid aggressively humping a pole next to me. Kids not bothered at all, still humping the pole. I’m embarrassed as hell.”
“The guy on the next shelf up shifted and…”
“I used to pick up dead bodies for a funeral home. One stormy night, I was in one of the coolers, putting a guy on the shelf. In a matter of a couple seconds, the following happened: The guy on the next shelf up shifted and his hand fell down in my face, The doorstop slipped and the cooler door closed behind me, The power went out and the lights went off. All purely coincidental, I’m sure, but I still pooped in my pants.”
“They guy told her not to laugh because fat emo Hitler was…”
“My sister worked security at a small casino a few years ago, and during one of her rounds of the floor the guard on camera duty pointed her towards the dining area. They guy told her not to laugh because fat emo Hitler was passed out at one of the tables, and sure enough one of their regulars (who consistently ate himself into a food coma there) was rocking the hair cut that Toby MaGuire had in Spider-Man 3 and a full out Hitler stache.”
“Then we heard footsteps above us again…”
“I was the night watchman at an abandoned mental hospital turned state park for a summer in college. One night, we saw flashlights moving around so we called an officer out and went in. The officer pulled her gun and flashlight and in we went. We could hear footsteps on the floor above us and we slowly and quietly went upstairs. We checked every room and found nothing. Then we heard footsteps above us again. This happened for a few floors until we were on the top floor below the roof. We heard footsteps up on the roof so we went up there. Still nothing. We never found anyone or any indication that anyone had been there. It was friggin’ creepy.”
“The door slammed shut and…”
“I did security for an old abandoned hospital. There was always a bad feeling in that place, almost like we were intruding. One time, when the feeling was particularly strong, we decided to get the he** out, but the door slammed shut and refused to open. It wasn’t just stuck either-the doorknob was FROZEN in place.”
“He’s freaking out, struggling against them…”
“First day working a retail security job. I show up a few minutes early, and witness a man dressed in the company’s uniform getting tossed into the back of a police car by about 4 officers. He’s freaking out, struggling against them, screaming at the top of his lungs, and is one very, very small step away from getting hit with a stun gun or pepper spray. To this day, I’m amazed at their restraint. After getting inside, I discovered that he was the previous security guy, and that they had coordinated his arrest with the police for the start of my shift. Per my new boss: ‘Not because we wanted to scare you. We just didn’t want a gap in coverage’. Turns out, the guy had made off with something in the vicinity of $25k worth of goods over the previous couple of months, and only got caught because he was stupid and greedy.”
“I saw a wild turkey inside of an airplane hangar when…”
“Not a security guard but a CCTV technician. I saw a wild turkey inside of an airplane hangar when I’d never seen one for the five years I’d been in Maryland. It was a complete cluster-f**k watching Animal Control trying to get rid of it.”
“After a few seconds, I see one eye and then…”
“I was sitting there one night, not doing much, just watching some Netflix…when all of a sudden I see activity in one of the cameras that is mounted on the roof of the place for the external shot of the parking lot. I look up and all I can see in the monitor is a blurry cat’s nose and faint hints of whiskers. After a few seconds, I see one eye and then I see nothing but the parking lot again.”