Cops hear some pretty far out stories and alibis on the job. Yet, sometimes those unbelievable insane stories end up being completely true. Would you have believed them at first?
Who Does This?
“I went to a report of a mentally disturbed person who called police reporting that the devil called and told him to kill people on the street and then kill himself. I checked his previous police files, and he had massive history of mental health issues, he was taken to the mental ward many times and was diagnosed with a form of paranoid schizo-effective disorder.
Anyways my partner and I show up and talk to the guy. He’s sweating bullets, eyes darting around, trembling and totally terrified. He explains that for the last six years, the devil calls him nightly via telephone and then when he calls for help, the police take him to the mental institute. He says the devil tells him to kill people then kill himself.
As we are about to call our mental health unit to come talk to him, the phone rings. My partner answers the phone at the guy’s request. Guess what?
Some f–king b–stard was using a voice changer and pranking this dude with mental health issues for years pretending to be the devil.
I can’t tell you how surreal that moment was- The poor man’s face change, kind of like he’s finally been vindicated and he knows it’s not just in his head.
So we investigated that pranker and eventually charged him-The guy who had called was so freaking happy”
What A Good Friend
“‘These are not my pants’
As we were cruising around town we spotted a guy (Jim) wanted for questioning in relation to breaching an intervention order. He was in the passenger seat of a car with some other guy we didn’t know(Bob).
We pull the car over, arrest Jim and put him in the back of our car. As we’re searching his car and Bob (Jim was one of our local dealers) I find a point of ice in Bobs pocket. So I’m telling Bob he’s under arrest for narcotics and he looks me dead in the eye and says, ‘Officer, I swear to god, these are not my pants’
I almost laughed in his face. ‘You can’t be serious. That’s the best you can come up with?’ But again he said, ‘I swear to god, these are not my pants and those aren’t mine.’
Apparently Jim and Bob had a big night drinking at Jim’s house and Bob had ‘misplaced’ his pants before passing out. When they woke up Bob grabbed the first pair or jeans he found and drove Jim into town for some Maccas totally unaware of the substance in his pocket.
A likely story if I ever heard one. So I open up our car and ask Jim.
‘Are they your pants?’ ‘Yeah they are, he couldn’t find his own’
‘Can you tell me about anything that was in those pants?’ ‘Oh s–t! Yeah the point that I didn’t smoke yesterday!’
Jim made full admissions to owning both the pants and the substances while Bob was happily free to go”
The Neighbors Are…
“My uncle, who has spent most of his life in law enforcement, and dealt with stabbings and decomposed people in bathtubs, among other things, talked about this noise complaint they had to investigate once. An old lady called in to complain about her upstairs neighbors. She lives alone on the 17th floor of an apartment building, and according to her, there are ‘horses moving around upstairs’. And she’s very upset about that.
They deal with troubled people on occasion, so they have to go check on the lady, to make sure she’s OK, and check if the neighbors are having a party that’s gotten out of hand. They arrive, it’s a nice building in a well-to-do area, they go up to her apartment, she has them stand there and listen. They listen, and there is absolutely nothing, no noise, no sounds, just dead silence. She gets agitated and they get a bit concerned about her, ask her if she’s on any medications, if any relatives come by to check on her and so on. The old lady gets very upset and frustrated, and insistent that there ARE horses upstairs.
They tell her they will go up and talk to the neighbors and ask them to keep it down if they are making too much noise that is bothering her. They go upstairs, knock, a young woman opens the door, they ask her about noise and such, she denies making any noise, and denies knowing anything about anything, they talk to her a bit, ask if they can come in. She’s hesitant. They talk more and she just shakes her head and says fine. Go look. They go look…
There are 2 horses in the apartment. Her husband brought them into a spare room because they sold their old house where they kept their horses and haven’t yet closed on the new one, and for whatever reason he didn’t want to pay to house them elsewhere or didn’t want to be apart from them. The best part is the building has 24 hour security. They go downstairs to talk to security, hey, you know you have 2 grown horses in a unit on the 18th floor. Everyone is perplexed, no, nobody saw anything and have no idea how that could have happened”
She Was Right!
“Friend of my parents worked for law enforcement as a psychiatrist for a time. An older lady was brought in one day, extremely distressed and yelling how her family wants to see her locked up in a psychiatric ward and take hold of all the silver mines she owns. My parent’s friend went through the hassle to check the story, just to be sure. Turned out to be 100% true- Lady was not one bit crazy”
Wow
“A frequent flyer would call in at least once a week telling us people keep wanting to make love with him and won’t leave him alone. We would send someone out there and he would always be alone and it would be unfounded. One night he called and said he was at the store and a man keeps asking to have mouth coitus with him. We go out there and nobody else is there, but he said the person left and gave us a license plate number that had a local address. We went out there and the address was for a funeral home, the vehicle was a hearse, and the hood was still warm. After talking to the mortician he confessed to soliciting the guy- For once the guy was telling the truth!”
Suuuure
“I got a complaint of a burglary from a guy we deal with from time to time who has schizophrenia. Guy says some one broke into his house and stole like $0.38 in change from his coffee table, two slices of cheese from his fridge, and two Tylenol gel caps.
The interior of the guy’s house looks like something off of a hoarders show, so I ignore the guy and let him fill out a statement form for an initial report that I plan to bury in a file because he’s obviously having problems with not taking his psych meds.
Two weeks later he calls panicking, get dispatched back out to his house. This time he’s missing around $0.72 from his coffee table a can of Vienna sausages, and three doses of his prescription heart medication.
Same thing, I let him rant and rave about being robbed and he asks repeatedly what he can do to stop this from happening. I give him a half-a–ed answer like that he should invest in cameras for his house, take his statement and leave.
Another week passes and I get sent out a third time. Same random items missing; spare change, a fishing lure, and half of a bologna sandwich from his fridge. This time he’s smiling and keeps saying, ‘We got the sumb**ch this time!’
He pulls back back a blanket from beside his recliner and it’s a monitor. Attached to six or seven cameras around the inside of the house. Pulls up the video and sure enough a guy slides his kitchen window open and lets himself in.
He takes loose change from the coffee table, steals one fishing lure, and takes a bite out of the dudes sandwich in the fridge before opening the fridge back up and taking half of the sandwich- Turns out to be another schizophrenic that lives down the road from him”
I Hate When My Neighbors Park In My Driveway, Too
“So, dispatch advises my partner and I of a 911 call, where the caller advises there is a ‘pilot’ who parked a ‘plane’ in his yard and then went to the nearby bar. Dispatch advises the caller doesn’t speak conversational English and the call was translated via a translation service. Knowing the address is on a lake, I assume there is a mistranslation. Someone probably drove a boat up to his dock and went to the bar.
Partner calls me. He’s on the toilet, and going to be a minute. He assumes the same thing regarding translation that I do. That’s cool. I arrive first.
Holy s–t, it’s an actual plane. In his driveway. Specifically a seaplane. Apparently it was driven up the boat ramp, turned off into his driveway, and shut down.
I call my partner. Yeah. You need to come here and see this s–t.
Go to the bar. ‘Who owns the plane?’ Hammered guy does. Apparently he was there to visit his friend, landed on the lake, and taxied to his friend’s driveway. Except he got addresses mixed up apparently. And now he’s hammered, so I don’t want him to move the plane- Turns out planes are light and he pushed it to the correct driveway”
He SHOULD Have Lied
“I was a detective for a few years, assigned to violent crimes investigations. I got called in one night for a male victim that literally was dumped out of a vehicle at the entrance to the emergency room. He had been shot in the side right around the hip area with a loaded weapon, but was conscious and alert. While talking to him, he wouldn’t give any information whatsoever about his name or anything. While in the ER, the doctor informed me that when they cut his pants off he had a significant amount of crack in his pocket. He initially stuck to his story and once discharged about a week later he was arrested for the crack.
This is where the story takes the turn, he immediately dropped the, ‘Those aren’t my pants’ story which is more common than anyone could imagine, but still wouldn’t give any more information about what happened (he did finally give all his personal information). He was from out of state and couldn’t make bond, so after sitting in jail for about 4 months, he finally decided he wanted to talk about what happened.
Turns out on the night he was shot, he and some of his associates decided they were going to rob a known narcotics dealer. To achieve this, they dressed up as federal agents with BDU pants, full uniform style shirts and badges. When they got to the house, they announced they were police and as soon as he grabbed the glass door, the guy on the inside swing open the main door and fired a loaded weapon through the outer door, striking him.
Everyone ran back to the car, jumped in and on, the way, one of the other guys gave him clothes to put on so that he didn’t show up at the hospital with the uniform style outfit.
Every piece of his story was verified through the investigation to include the dealer had not replaced his glass door and it was still shattered”
Seems Pretty Suspicious…
“So I’m patrolling in [beach tourist destination] and it’s about 2am so I’m on the lookout for hammered drivers. There’s a guy swerving a little bit up the road. He was on a back road and there was nobody else around. I decide to check it out. Flip on the lights and the guy pulls over immediately.
I start chatting with the guy and he’s slurring his words
Cop: ‘Where you coming from?’
Guy: ‘Just heading back to my hotel from the beach’
Cop: ‘Any reason why you’re swerving?’
Guy: I’m on some medication from a surgery I recently had and I’m pretty tired.
So I’m thinking ‘ok buddy’.
I grab his license and registration, I run it and it comes back clean.
I take a look in his backseat with my flashlight on the way back. Not only is there two 30 Packs of drinks in the back seat. The floor is absolutely littered with empty cans.
Cop: So What’s with all the drinks in the back?
Guy: Well, my neighbor really likes that brand of drinks and he was house sitting for us, so we are bringing some back to him as a gift.
Cop: So what’s with all the empty drinks cans on the floor?
Guy: Well while we were at the beach the other day we saw a part of the beach that was trashed. I couldn’t leave the beach like that.
Cop: Alright buddy, you need to step out of the car.
So I make him take a breathalyzer and he blows 0.000. So I make him blow again, 0.000. Keep in mind this guy is slurring his words left and right. So I ask him if I can take him back to the hotel and I’ll drive his wife back to pick up his car. He agrees.
I get to the hotel and the wife was worried sick because he had been out so late. The wife confirms that he’s on medication. He goes to sleep and as the wife and I are walking out, I start questioning her.
Cop: I saw a bunch of empty drinks cans in the back seat. He drink a lot?
Woman: Oh no, he insisted we spend an hour of our beach trip cleaning up the beach. He wanted to drop off the cans at the recycling center before we go back home. He doesn’t drink at all.
Cop: Interesting, there was 2 cases of drinks in the back seat.
Woman: Oh yes, my neighbor absolutely loves the drinks. Can’t get it where we’re from’
Easily the most surprised I’ve ever been”
I Would NEVER Have Believed This
“Not official cop work, but very related.
I used to be an instructor for the Security Forces (USAF cops) students in training. I was a loaded weapons instructor, but we dealt a lot with dorm inspections and all that other fun stuff. Well, this one kid kept falling asleep in class. After many counseling sessions and some paperwork, he said he couldn’t sleep because the devil was in his dorm room. Of course we thought maybe he had some mental issues going on, but decided to get to the bottom of things.
He said every night around midnight or later, he would hear a voice saying to keep his eyes shut and nothing would happen to him. He was freaked out, so he complied. A couple of the instructors decided to sit with him in his room one night and told him to go to bed like he usually does. Well lo and behold, around 0100, the instructors heard something in the ceiling. They started freaking out a bit, but watched and waited. Next thing they know, they heard the voice and one of the ceiling tiles was moved and something jumped down. They flipped the f–k out and turned on all the lights to see what the heck was going on.
Apparently this other kid had been kicked out of the military while in training. He didn’t want to go home and face his family, so every night he’d go into that kids room, scare the s–t out of him, and then take some food or whatever and stretch his legs a bit. I guess he would shower during the day, but stayed up in the ceiling for the rest of the time. Needless to say, he was promptly sent home, and our freaked out student was finally able to get some much needed rest”
He Really Didn’t Want A Ticket
“Back when I was working parking enforcement, a man approached me, calm as could be, and told me he’d had to park his car in a loading zone and that it was now on fire. He asked if there was a way to make sure it wasn’t ticketed, since he couldn’t move it.
I figured maybe it was overheating or something, but I checked the loading zone, and sure enough – the engine was straight up on fire. He was mildly surprised when I called 911 to get a fire engine over to make sure the fire didn’t spread”
Compassion Like This Is Rare
“I work loss prevention for a major retailer.
Working LP one day and I see a juvenile female selecting multiple items without looking at price. Something that is a cue to me to start watching closely. She takes the cosmetics out of the packaging and then goes into the fitting room with one shirt. I get another officer to watch the cameras and I make my way out to the floor. The female exits and I check the stall, nothing in there except a shirt. I head out to the entrance and wait for her to exit. As soon as she exits I identify myself and ask her to return.
The tears started running down her face and she begged me not to call the police or her mom. Told her that I would at least have to contact her mom. I call her mother and she says she is disabled and cannot get out of bed. I ask if there is anyone else that can pick her up and she sends a family friend. During the interview with the female she said she is having a really hard time and that she was really, really sorry. Giving her the benefit of the doubt I decide not to charge her on the grounds that she remains trespassed and doesn’t get into trouble with any other retailer. She agrees.
A few days later I get an envelope with a letter. It says thank you, and again how sorry she is. She explained the reason she took the cosmetics is because her mother has stage 4 cancer and only has weeks to live and couldn’t bring herself to ask for money from her mother because she is so sick and very broke. It honestly broke my heart. I framed the letter and keep it in my office as a reminder not to judge people quickly. Make all new hires read it as well. Every one of them have the same ‘who cut the onions in here’ look”
I Wasn’t In -THIS- Wreck, It Was…
“Telling this one third hand and thirty years later so bear with me if the details are fuzzy.
My mom had a friend, Mary, who owned an old VW Beetle. To those not in the know, those things had the engine in the back and a big trunk in front.
One day, the circus came to town. As part of the grand arrival, the elephants are paraded from the train station to the downtown market for a meal and photo op. Mary just happens to be driving down the street while the elephants are making their walk. One of the elephants gets a little out of control and decides to sit on her car. The front of the car was smooshed in but it was still driveable. Couldn’t get it fixed right away. I have seen pictures of the elephant sitting on the car so I know it happened.
A few days later, Mary is driving on a highway and a massive 15 car pileup occurs right in front of her. Her car wasn’t involved but she was still stuck there until the highway gets cleared.
As she’s waiting, a cop is going down the line with all the drivers asking them questions. He finally gets to her car and asks why she didn’t stop in time. She claims she did stop in time. Cop looks at her car and doesn’t believe her. Mary tells the cop about the elephant and now he thinks she’s delusional.
Not sure how long it took her to convince him”
An Elephant Of A Tale
“I live in a small town in Australia, this guy was out fishing in the Bush when an elephant goes running past. So he reports it to the police who proceed to laugh and ask what he’s been smoking.
The next day someone came in to report a missing… elephant! It turns out some circus elephants had been retired to a local farm”
The Whistleblower
“I investigate workplace discrimination complaints. One guy worked for a government morgue. He claimed his boss was stealing embalming tables. ‘Who steals embalming tables?’ I thought. Turns out, the boss was selling them to funeral homes and pocketing the profit”
Some HG Wells Stuff
“My cousin works in a city with mountains nearby, stationed at the Foothills substation. She gets a call about a spacecraft landing at a house. VERY slow day, so she decides to humor her dispatch. At the house, hysterical woman ‘talking about invaders from space’ greets her, and my cousin rolls her eyes. However she says she can show her the spacecraft. Old lady takes my cousin out about 200 feet from her house, and there, in her backyard is an impact crater. Turns out it was a mini-satellite that survived re entry”
The Car Thief
“I’m not a police officer personally, but my dad is. Any time somebody asks him about his craziest story, this is his go to.
Some back story: A guy flew in to the city we’re near from out of state and rented a Jeep to drive for the time he’s in town. The guy takes the keys to the car, unlocked the door, and at first he was a bit thrown off, because he found an empty coffee mug in the cup holder, but the guy just assumed that they forgot to take it out from the last time somebody rented the car. After his time in town, he came back to the parking garage only to be met with police officers yelling orders for him to get on the ground. Confused, the man obliged. Later, while questioning him, my learned the second part to the story.
Car manufacturers will sometimes make multiple cars work with the same key, so every single car doesn’t have a unique key. The chances of this happening are insanely low, but the key that was given to him for the Jeep he was supposed to rent also was one that worked with the Jeep the guy had taken. To prove that he didn’t mean to take the car, he put the key into the ignition, and sure enough, the key worked with both cars”
The Landlord Who Called Wolf
“Three years ago, I was working in our civil department:
A landlord wants his tenants out, says the usual things that set off the lying meter: They’re illegal substance users, criminals, thugs, keeping a prisoner in the mother-in-law suite. Landlord himself is a slum lord, says outrageous stuff for all of his tenants he wants to evict. Turns out that it was actually true in this case, partially. The tenants were a man and his elderly mother. They were keeping the man’s developmentally challenged brother padlocked in the mother-in-law suite of the house with no plumbing or electricity.
This family had been doing a ‘rent-to-own’ thing with the landlord for ten years or so, and only recently stopped paying. Turns out that they had been feeding the brother through the mail slot in the suite’s door, and the interior had no furniture besides the most disgusting mattress you can imagine. We don’t know how long he had been kept in there, but I have never seen a more revolting place in my entire life”
Is He Sure The Cop Believed Him?
“I was the ‘you’ll never believe me’ suspect in this situation. I just got home from a bar and got a call at 11:30 at night. It was the alarm company at my job saying the alarm was tripped and they couldn’t get a hold of my manager. I’m confident because I’m hammered, so I figure I’ll head down there myself and beat up the burglars.
The store was about half a mile from my apartment, so I throw on my hoodie and sprint over there. The burglars had cleared out by the time I got there, and the front window was smashed in. I go in and turn off the alarm, and when I walk out there is a loaded weapon in my face.
In my haste to get to the store I forgot all of my IDs, so the cop finds a busted window and a hammered guy with no ID dripping in sweat wearing a dark hoodie claiming he works there. Somehow I ended up convincing him and he barricaded me in there while I slept on the floor until my manager got in”
Public Intoxication Is Illegal
“Some law enforcement officers saw this happen to me, or I might’ve otherwise been in trouble. I was on my way to a party with some drinks cans in a shopping bag. I decide that I should open a drink on the way, only before I do, I spot some cops standing close by, so I change my mind about the drink since public drinking is illegal. I put the drink back in the bag, still looking at the cops, so I miss the bag and it falls to the ground and a small pebble punctures the can causing it to spray. Panicked about the drink, I pick it up and try to block the hole but spraying the drink all over myself instead. After some quick thinking, I figure opening the can would alleviate the pressure from the hole and I’m right. Only now I’m standing somewhere in public with half an opened drink can in hand, in broad view of the police. And I’m reeking of drink. Apart from being sober, it sure looked like I was drinking in public.
The cops didn’t bother with me at all”
These stories are insane!
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