When a customer asks you a question, you expect it to be straight forward and/or a simple request, and nothing out of the ordinary. Unfortunately for these folks who work with the public on a daily basis, there are some brain-dead questions they wish they didn't have to answer.
Sir, That IS Meat
“A few years ago delivering pizzas, I was fairly awesome at triple checking orders before leaving the store since return trips cost me chances at more deliveries and tips. Guy had to be in his 40’s or so and ordered a pepperoni pizza and boneless garlic parm wings. Answers the door, throws a boneless wing in his mouth as he goes to get the cash and then comes back pissed saying he got the wrong food. I’m 99 percent sure everything was correct at least as to my ticket, so I ask him what’s wrong and he says there’s no way he ordered a pepperoni pizza he doesn’t eat…meat.
This guy had survived to adulthood thinking boneless somehow means it’s not meat.”
You Might Need A Refresher On What Metal Is
“Worked at a swimming pool store, lady asked why she couldn’t put salt in her steel above ground pool. I told her salt is corrosive to metal so it would destroy the pool.
‘But steel isn’t metal,’ she says.
I would have understood if she was just being pedantic and pointing out that technically it’s an alloy of iron and carbon, but no, she just thought it was something else I guess? I basically just ended with ‘it’s going to rust don’t do it.’ I would bet she did it.”
Not-So False Advertising
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“Working at a chain restaurant, you never know what kind of things are going to come out of people’s mouths. I once had a lady that literally said to me, after trying her food, ‘This doesn’t taste like the picture.'”
Did You Read The Sign?
“Opening the store in the AM. A woman is waiting at the door. As soon as I turn on the lights she starts rattling the door. I unlock it and reach for the open sign. She barges in. ‘Are you open? Your sign is not on?’ Proceeds to give me a lecture on how it should be lit if we are open.
A week later the same woman is waiting for me to open. This time I flip the sign before I unlock the door. She came in and yelled for five minutes how the sign was on but the door was locked.
Sometimes you can’t win.”
You Have Got To Be Kidding With This Food Order
“My first job, worked at a fast food place, lady wanted a cheeseburger without cheese. I jokingly said ‘Haha so a hamburger got ya.’
She was like, no, a cheeseburger. Without cheese. I explained it’s cheaper to just get a hamburger, and it’s the same thing. Then she said the stupidest thing I’ve heard.
‘I’m allergic to ham, so I can’t have a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger? Without the cheese, it’s all I can eat.'”
This Request Was Bananas
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“I was stocking bananas. A woman came up to me and said ‘I need a bunch of five.’ So I kinda mumble ‘Oh, okay.’ and move out of her way so she can pick and choose her bananas as she likes. I continue stocking and I notice she has not picked her bananas and she’s staring at me. Eventually, she says to me ‘Just take two off of the bunch you’re holding!’ Like, woman, I’m not confused because I’m incapable of performing basic arithmetic. I’m confused as to why you felt the need to interrupt my work and why you couldn’t pick your own bananas, like an adult.”
A Pizza That Compliments
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“Worked for a pizza chain. Order was wrong.
Me: ‘I’ll tell you what. How about I give you a coupon for a complimentary pizza next time?’
Customer: ‘I don’t want no complimentary pizza. I want it for free!'”
I Think We Might Know What Your Problem Might Be, Ma’am
“In New York State, you have to have your car inspected for safety. If it’s not safe, you can’t drive it. I failed a woman’s car because her brake pedal goes to the floor, and the car barely stops. She LOSES her sh-t, calls her husband who then argues with me.
‘You don’t know who I know, I’ll have your job by the end of the month!’ etc.
After about 20 minutes of arguing, the lady calms down and accepts her fate. The conversation goes as follows.
Her: ‘Are the brakes something the collision shop would check after an accident?’
Me: ‘Sure, but it depends on where the damage was.’
Her: ‘Hmm, okay. I just got my car back, and they didn’t say anything. I crashed into a building because the brakes didn’t work.’
Me: ‘Huh, weird.'”
What Type Of Charger Do You Need?
“Me: ‘Hello, how may I help you today?’
Customer: ‘Yes I would like a phone charger.’
Me: ‘No problem, what type of phone?’
Customer: ‘I just need a charger.’
Me: ‘Yes but I would need to know the type of phone so I can give you the right charger.’
Customer: ‘I don’t know.’
Me: ‘……would you happen to have it with you so I may take a look.’
Customer: ‘No.’
Me: ‘Ok no problem, is it by any chance an iPhone? Big circle button on the bottom.’
Customer: ‘Idk. Listen can you just give me a phone charger.’
Ok, gave her a random charger. May the odds be ever in your favor.”
Made With Real Bread
“I worked at a pizza place and we sell breadsticks. Young couple comes in, lady stares at the menu for five minutes then asks me, ‘Sooooo, your breadsticks. Uh, those have bread in them?’ No sh-t.'”
The Battery Is Important.
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“I worked at a wireless phone company call center. This lady didn’t receive an operating manual so I opted to help her through getting her new phone set up. Here’s the conversation…
Me: ‘Have you turned the phone on yet?’
Her: ‘No, not yet.’
Me: ‘Please turn on the phone holding the power button on the side.’
Her: ‘Nothing is happening.’
Me: ‘Hmm. Okay, perhaps it needs to be charged. Please plug it into the charger and let it charge for a few minutes.’
Her: ‘Okay, it’s plugged in now.’
I tell her how it is odd that she would have to charge it, because it’s usually charged half way. A few minutes pass.
Me: ‘Okay, turn it on now.’
Her: ‘Still nothing.’
Me: ‘That’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced. Can you take the battery out for me?’
Her: ‘The battery is already out.’
Well F–K. There’s your problem.
(I understand that I didn’t tell her that she needed to put her battery in the phone so maybe it was partially my fault, but i still think it was quite stupid for her not to put the battery in because most things that come with batteries need to have batteries put inside them before they work. I like to think that people are smarter than they are).”
You Do No Qualify For A Military Discount
“We didn’t have a military discount at the store I used to work at. Once this giant of a man tried to convince me to just make up a military discount for him, he even mentioned a few times that it was usually 10 percent. He was persistent for a good five minutes, despite me repeatedly reminding him that it would get me fired. Then finally he leaned over the counter, stared me right in the eyes and said, ‘How do you live with yourself, you’re stealing people’s money. How do you live with that?’ Then he kept pressuring me to answer how I lived with myself, as if he really needed to know.”
You…A Good Customer?
“Phone company call center here.
Customer: I want my entire bill credited to 0.
Me: We show your service was on and working for the entire bill period. May I ask why you want a credit?
Customer: I didn’t have any power so I couldn’t use my service.
Me: Our phone service continues to work when the power goes out in your neighborhood.
(FYI traditional copper landlines do work during outages. Plug in a corded phone and you’re good to go. Quite a few people don’t know this)
Customer: Oh but it was just my house that was out. I forgot to pay my power bill.
Me: I’m sorry ma’am but we cannot credit your phone bill due to nonpayment of your electric bill.
Customer: Well can I get credit for being a good customer?
(Customer’s history shows six denies for nonpayment in eight months)
Me: …”
Don’t Tell Me How To Do My Job
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“‘You’re taking your job too seriously.’
I’m a lifeguard. The guy was leaving his 3-4 year-old daughter alone, so he could sit in the hot tub.”
Then Why Order The Meal?
“On a headset at a fast food place taking drive through orders:
Customer: ‘I want a number three meal.’
Me: ‘Ok, what drink would you like with that?’
Customer: ‘No drink, but ring it up as a meal.’
Me: ‘Very confused are you sure? It’ll be cheaper without adding a drink.’
Customer: ‘Make it a meal.'”
That’s Not How Coupons Work
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“When I was a grocery store cashier: ‘Why the f–k didn’t you remind me about my coupons before I checked out! The self-checkout always does, so that’s your job.’ They then told my manager that they wanted all the savings to come out of my paycheck even though they were able to apply the discount retroactively and credit her credit card at customer service.
At my NetSec job, after a client fell for a very obvious phishing email, in the middle of the night, and transferred over $100K to a foreign bank account: ‘Don’t we hire you to prevent this bullsh-t! Shouldn’t you have kept that email from showing up in my mailbox!’ – Yeah, no. Unfortunately we haven’t come up with a software solution to staggering stupidity.”
Free Mistake Salad
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“‘HEY I asked for light lettuce!’
‘Oh sorry.’ [remakes sandwich] ‘Here you go.’
‘…I don’t get all the rest of my order for free?’
‘What? No.’
She ordered for herself, her mom and two sisters. She was honestly shocked she wasn’t getting four full meals free from a small mistake.”
Where Can I Get Some Coleslaw?
“In high school I worked at Burger King which was next door to a KFC. I was at the counter and a man came storming in with a paper bag in his hand, he leans over the counter and yells ‘You gave me f–king coleslaw!’ I was taken by surprise and didn’t really understand what was going on so I asked him ‘Sorry, did you say coleslaw?’ He proceeds to yell, ‘I just came through the drive-thru and I ordered mashed potatoes and I got coleslaw.’
It took so much self-control to not laugh in his face. I kindly told him ‘Sir, this is Burger King.’ His eyes got wide, he looks around walks out. I hope he got his mashed potatoes.”
I’m Allergic, But Then I’m Not
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“‘Would you like some jalapeños with your nachos?’
‘No, I’m massively allergic. I could die.’
‘Oh, then you shouldn’t have any of this then, the cheese and salsa dips you asked for both contain jalapeños.’
‘Oh; don’t worry. I’m not actually allergic. Just not a fan.’
You f–king thundering bag of d–ks, I wasn’t going to force them down your throat. Say ‘no thanks’ and we’re done.”
Self Checkout Spelling Lessons
“I was working the self checkout lane when a customer asked me why his onions weren’t scanning through properly. I walked over and saw that he had typed in the word ‘ONIINS.’ He went on to insist that our machine was the problem, and that his ‘ONIINS’ should have been free because they weren’t scanning.”
Week Old Burnt Pizza Complaint
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“Lady called to complain about her burnt pizza. I asked for her name but couldn’t find it among the night’s orders. I asked when she ordered and she said, ‘A week ago.’ I asked the obvious question, ‘So why didn’t you call back then?’ ‘We went on vacation.’ I hung up. Whoever came up with ‘The customer is always right’ must not have worked with actual customers.”
You Can’t Just Look Around For Free
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“So I work in a museum building that’s a small part of the museum complex. A lady walks in and I ask ‘Have you purchased a ticket in any of the other buildings.’ She said ‘No but I’m just here to look around.’ That moment my brain kinda short circuited but somehow managed to reply ‘Well you can look around this main lobby but you have to pay to go in further.'”
The “Amish” Gas Station
“I worked at a gas station in Pennsylvania. We don’t sell alcohol in gas stations due to the liquor laws in the state.
When told this, a customer remarked ‘Oh yeah, you’re all Amish up here aren’t ya?’
I said ‘Yes sir. Genuine Amish cars at genuine Amish gas pumps out side too'”
Are You Smarter Than A Mechanical Engineer?
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“Mechanic here. When I started as a lubie I had a customer come in and say we installed his oil filter too tightly. He was attempting to change his oil at home and couldn’t get the filter off. He came in ranting and raving about how it was too tight, and AS A MECHANICAL ENGINEER he should be able to remove it. I walked over, grabbed it, twisted it off, looked at my coworker and said ‘Huh, guess I’m smarter than an engineer.’ ahahaha.”
You Don’t Know The Price? Okay…
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“I worked at a zoo as the person who sold tickets. This lady stood in this long a– line full of people waiting to buy tickets and when she finally got to me, she stared at the big board with the prices for an uncomfortably long time, then at me and said ‘Do you know what price the senior’s membership for the science centre is?’
This woman got off the train at a stop called Zoo, walked through this tunnel with pictures of animals and a voice on a loop that recites animal facts, stood in a long line in an area with animals projected on the wall, stared at a huge board with a picture of a lemur on it, and asked someone wearing a shirt that says [city] Zoo for the price of a place that just so happens to be on the same street.”
Where’s My Fortune?!?
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“I worked at a restaurant on the beach that served primarily fish and chips and burgers. I once had a customer who was completely irate that she didn’t receive fortune cookies with her check.”