Chemistry: Where alcohol IS a solution.
Biochemistry: Spend 4 years aspiring to discover the cure for cancer, and the rest of your life manufacturing shampoo.
Archaeology: If you don’t know what it is, it’s probably ceremonial.
Information Technology: Let me google that for you.
Computer Science (for a straight girl): The odds are good, but the goods are odd.
Political Science: Your opinion is wrong.
Aerospace Engineering: “It actually is rocket science.”
Engineering: The art of figuring out which parameters you can safely ignore.
Structural Engineering: Because architects don’t know what physics is.
Philosophy: Think about it…
Communications: “We’ll teach you everything you need to know about convincing your friends that your degree is actually meaningful.”
Speech Pathology: We have ways of making you talk.
Linguistics: Studied 17 languages, am fluent in none of them.
Criminal Justice: We’re here because of Law & Order reruns.
Photography: It’s worth a shot.
Statistics: Where everything’s made up and the numbers don’t matter.
Anthropology: It’ll get you laid, but won’t get you paid!
Zoology: Because you can’t major in kittens.
Psychology: good luck doing anything until you get your master’s!
Premed: “I’ll probably switch majors in 2 years.”
History: History may repeat itself, but you definitely will.
English: So you want to be a teacher.
Film: Forks on the left, knives on the right.
Astrophysics: “Eh, I’m within an order of magnitude.”
Creative Writing: Because job security is for pussies.
Latin: Because useful is overrated.
Physics: “Everything you learned last week is wrong.”
Nursing: Learning to save other’s lives while struggling not to take your own.
Marine Bio: “I wanted to play with dolphins…but I’m looking at algae instead.”
Accounting: Selling your soul for money.
Finance: “Accounting was too hard.”
Journalism: Learn how to construct an argument that no one will pay to listen to.
Art History: And you thought MAKING art was pointless!
Music Performance: If you don’t hate yourself, you’re doing it wrong.
Graphic Design: No, we aren’t artists. We are designers. There’s a difference.