911 Operators Reveal The 13 Most Ludicrous Calls They’ve Ever Received

Some people are just a little bit too dial-happy; that, or their definition of an "emergency" is absurd.

He’s Not Selfish, He’s Just Needy

A quite pregnant (don’t remember exactly how far along, but definitely past 30 weeks) woman calls to say that her doctor told her to refrain from having sex for the rest of the pregnancy and she didn’t understand why. I looked at her file, and saw she was having pre-term contractions, so I explained that sexual activity can cause contractions, so it was safer to abstain so the baby could stay inside as long as possible. She tearfully exclaims, “But how will I feed the baby?!?” Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, could you repeat that?” Patient: “How will I feed the baby if I can’t have sex?!?” The patient was convinced that her baby was living off of her boyfriend’s semen, and that it would starve if they stopped having sex. I explained about the umbilical cord, etc. but she refused to believe me until I asked her about single moms, lesbian moms, etc. and asked how she though their babies fed and grew. After a moment of silence, she thanked me, and started to hang up the phone, but not before I heard her screaming her boyfriends name. That man had a good thing going for a while there. I honestly wasn’t sure if I felt more sorry for him, or a baby growing up in that household. (Source)

Gobble, Gobble…Gone

I was working thanksgiving and a call comes in on the non-emergency line. Caller: “Uh, hi. I don’t know who I need to speak too but I uh… lost a live turkey…” Me: “A turkey…” Caller: “Uh yeah I got a live turkey for thanksgiving and I guess it got out, it was in the back of my truck” Not much more to say about that call except that it wasn’t a prank. Real dude, real address with call history. So I pass his info to animal control and go about enjoying the holiday with the rest of the dispatch center. I got a recording of the call and passed it to AC for laughs. Then the next day! Caller: “Hi there is a turkey in my garage!” Me: “Wait… a turkey? We know about this. let me get you connected to AC” (I then decided to stay on the line to listen) AC: “So I think we know whose turkey that is, we will give you his contact info so he can come get it” Caller: “Is it that weirdo (name) from across the street?” AC: “Uh yeah that’s actually who it is….” (Source)

Oh Deer Me

Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house. Me: Okay? Caller: Well I am worried it might be cold. Me:…….Well there is nothing we can do about a deer being cold. Didn’t it run off after swimming the river? Caller: Yes. Me: Well ma’am it’s a wild animal and I’d guess it’s going to be fine. Caller: ok (Source)

Her Foot Problem Almost Got Her in Trouble

Had a woman call 911 because she saw someone driving down the road with his foot out the window. She was following him the whole time, and admitted he had his seatbelt on, wasn’t texting or speeding, he just had his foot out the window. She wanted the police to pull him over, to which I had to explain he wasn’t breaking any laws. She couldn’t comprehend that driving with your foot out the window is not illegal, and proceeded to hang up on me, then call 911 again because apparently I didn’t know the law and she NEEDED someone to stop this man. We connected her to a deputy who told her if she didn’t stop calling 911 for stupid reasons he was going to ticket her for abuse of emergency communications. (Source)

Was It the Squeak That Spooked Her?

Another woman calling, terrified, whispering into the phone. Says she’s locked in a closet with her kids. I’m thinking a home invasion robbery, and as soon as I get her address, I slam the call in and get ready to start updating quickly. “Why was she huddled in her closet, terrified and on the verge of tears,?” Glad you asked. This woman saw a mouse in her house and was terrified and didn’t know what to do because her husband was deployed, so she wanted an officer to come out and take care of the mouse for her. An officer went out and did. Your tax dollars at work! (Source)

This Dude Had a Rocky Problem

I once took a call from a guy who had found an ‘unusual rock’ on the side of the road. Apparently he had turned it over to what were city employees or road workers of some kind (the fellow was obviously quite intoxicated), but now … he wanted it back. And it was an emergency, as the rock was obviously an relic of some kind that was worth thousands, as it had an impression of some kind of bone or shell in the side of it! At any rate, I managed to convince him that if he didn’t know who he had turned it over to, then we could not track down the rock, and that searching for this person was definitely not a police matter as it was given voluntarily to them, as he had said earlier on the recorded line. Hardly a marvel of a story, but it was certainly one of the dumbest reasons I had ever heard to call 911 in my time as an operator. (Source)

Is It the Boogie Man? Or…

There’s so much stupid it’s hard to pick one. Just yesterday a guy called 911 to say someone knocked on his door. That’s it. He was too scared to look outside. Sent officers over. They found a FedEx slip on his door… (Source)

He Was Hungry and Angry, So…

911 Dispatcher for 2 years a while back. “911, what’s your emergency?” “Yeah, I ordered chicken wings for delivery like an hour ago. Now the pizza place is closed and they won’t answer the phone. They stole my money!” “Sir, did you call 911 because of missing chicken wings?” “Uh…” click (Source)

The Wrong Way to Clean Your Nose

She tried to clean her sinus cavities out with a q-tip. It snapped off up inside her nose so she tried to fish it out with another….that also snapped off. (Source)

The Award for Best Acting Goes To…

I’m an ER nurse. We have a phone that connects to the ambulance dispatch and airs “high alert” 911 calls in our department so we can prepare. On April 1, a son called 911 for his mother. He lived out of town, and his father had called him earlier explaining that his mom had collapsed at home after having a bout of severe chest pain, and was not responsive. When paramedics arrived at the parents’ house, both parents were completely fine and explained they attempted to fake a near death experience for April Fools. They said they didn’t expect their son to actually worry enough to call for help. (Source)

This Guy Had a Crabby Night

I have been in the 911 biz for over 22 years. If a caller starts the call with “I swear I’m not crazy” then you need to buckle up for some insanity. A guy started a call with those words after escaping from his apartment and running to the closest 7-11. He swore that his roommates were turning into giant crabs. He was going to show the officers that they were currently in giant cocoons transforming. As you might expect he was tripping balls. (Source)

She Really Had the Blues

Paramedic here. Once we had a young woman call 911 around 2am saying that her legs were turning blue. Turns out she had worn a new pair of jeans to the club that night. (Source)

Can’t a Guy Feed People in Peace?

Had a drunk person call to report he was being harassed. Truth was….. He was being arrested by our officers for throwing pizza at people. All I heard in the background was one of my officers saying to him “that better not be our dispatcher on the phone” followed by some muffled talking and my officer taking the phone and saying “he will be taking a ride with us now” and hung up. Still laugh about it to this day. (Source)