There's simply no other way to put it---these are satan's children. Just kidding, but they really are terrible and we're glad we're not stuck babysitting these 15 kids.
The Vaseline man
“I used to live in a big apartment building in NYC and babysat for a lot of our neighbors. One family had this father who liked to grease himself up with Vaseline and chase stray cats through the heating ducts. Sometimes he’d do this for hours so the mother would get a sitter for their two kids if she wanted to go out. Anyways, the first time I sat for them the mother greeted me and then left. I had no idea the father was scooting around the building until he burst out of the heating vent below the living room window completely naked and glistening with Vaseline. He was so greasy he actually slipped on the floor when he first tried to stand up.”
The not-so-sneaky spouse
“When I was 13 I got a job babysitting for my neighbors. They had two little girls that were just the easiest kids to look after. The mom and dad were super nice people. Dad was a nurse that worked mainly nights and mom worked from home and would ask me over Friday nights so she could go out and have some down time. I quickly found out though that she was seeing other men. The first night I went over there the mom informed me she would be home no later than midnight. Well 4 am rolled around and I was woken up by a noise out on the porch and saw her hastily kissing another man and shooing him off. She apologizes for being late, pays me (was $5 short) and I go home to my mom who’s pissed that she kept me so late. The same thing happened two more times. She’d promise to be home at midnight and come home at 3 or 4 in the morning. Every time with a different guy. And every time would stiff me a little of what I earned. My mom put a stop to it and called her out on cheating on her husband. They ended up getting divorced not long after that.”
This babysitter deserved more than an apology letter…
“When I was 16 I naively took up a babysitting gig for six kids. Three of them were under the age of 7, and the other three were going into middle school. They were told not to have cake until their parents got home, and of course they didn’t take that too well. So, they all decided to pull me to the ground and get on top of me. The youngest one grabbed socks and shoved them in my mouth. I couldn’t do anything to stop them. I told their parents and they all had to write me apology letters.”
Refusing to give a kid candy never ends well…
“I was babysitting an eight-year-old who got pissed because I wouldn’t let her eat a sh*t ton of candy at midnight when she was supposed to be in bed…so she sat on the kitchen floor and urinated. I made her clean it up.”
The boy in the tree
“I babysat a little boy who had severe emotional problems. One time he ran away while I was upstairs playing with his sister. He ran away to the park down the block, climbed a tree and refused to come down because ‘no one loved him.’ I was young and didn’t think about calling the police or anything. I just sat at the bottom of the tree and literally talked him down. I convinced him that I loved him and wanted him to come home. His siblings also helped me by saying they loved him also. It was so scary.”
Scissors and kids don’t mix well…
“A 4-year-old cut my ponytail off because I was too busy soothing a crying baby to watch him play with a pile of boxes. That was enough for me.”
The witch is here…
“Okay so I was babysitting a two-month-old (my niece ) and a five-year-old (my other niece) at my house. The five-year-old was sleeping in my mom’s room right across from the baby’s room. I was lying in bed in the baby’s room and it’s like midnight. All of a sudden my 5-five-year old niece starts screaming from across the hall. I jump out of bed and find her sitting upright in bed with her eyes closed as if she’s still sleeping and she’s pointing in the corner saying the witch is here! The witch is here! I lay her back down and she lies down as if nothing had happened. When I walk back into the baby’s room, she’s sitting up and playing patty cake and looking up at the corner in the ceiling. How does a 2-month-old baby know how to play patty cake? I have no flipping idea. Freaked me out.”
Some really, really, really weird kids.
“My friend had to babysit his Mom’s friend’s two kids, a boy about 10 and a girl about 8, and he was able to have me hang out as well. The boy was allowed to play outside as long as he stayed near the house, but the girl had to stay inside. The first thing that was weird was the girl never said a word. She sat on the couch and just sat there staring at us with huge eyes. Just…staring. We tried talking to her, but nothing. We went outside to check on the boy, and caught him nailing a live snake to a board. We just backed away, went inside, and watched TV until we could go.”
The party moms
“I haven’t babysat in awhile but when I was a teenager I watched two kids up the street. The mother was single and had another single friend with two kids so I usually watched them all. I knew they went out to party, which was fine because they’d come home drunk and pay me more than I expected. What I didn’t know is how much they partied. One evening I went upstairs to get money for pizza. I found both moms in the bathroom snorting coke. The worst thing was when they offered me some despite the fact that A) I was about to spend the night watching their young children and B) I was only 14 or 15 at the time.”
The Stranger
“A random kid came over the house at 10 p.m. because the children’s parents supposedly invited him over to play a board game. Once they finished playing the kids told me that I had to walk the boy to his house. I freaked out because I didn’t know anything about him, let alone where he lived. He said he was going to make me take him back, and when I tried calling the parents, it didn’t go through. I made him stay the night and every five minutes or so, he walked downstairs to where I was watching TV with a plastic knife and just stared at me. When the parents came home at about 2 a.m., they said that they had no idea who the kid was. We went upstairs to check on him and he was gone. I basically survived a horror movie.”
The dripping ceiling
“The 6-year-old boy I was babysitting stormed upstairs because I wouldn’t give him candy. Liquid started dripping on the dining room table from the ceiling. It turned out that pee was coming out of the air vent, which was directly connected to the air vent in his bedroom. I finally got him to stop peeing, and I went back downstairs to help his sister with her homework. Then I saw another substance hit the table. The boy was pouring liquid hand soap down the vent. When I asked him why, he said, ‘Well, to clean it up of course.'”
The nudist family
“In high school, I met a nudist family at the local nude beach. They asked me to babysit, figuring I’d be comfortable with their lifestyle. No problem, easy money. Two boys 7 and 9, we’ll behaved. The weird thing was that as soon as the parents left for their night out, the kids would start putting on clothes. By the time the parents got home we were usually bundled up watching scary movies on TV. The parents always seemed a little uncomfortable with that, like I’d been perverting their kids into putting on clothes.”
The girl with the shears
“After I put the three girls to bed, I heard a strange noise. I got to their bedroom just in time to watch the one girl reach under her pillow and pull out a pair of super sharp, six-inch shears. She slowly got up from her bed, stood over the other girls, and held the shears in her creepy little fist. I shouted, ‘What are you doing?!’ She turned around with the sweetest smile on her face, made direct eye-contact with me, tilted her head, and said: ‘Don’t worry, I was only going to hurt them.'”
The boy with the foot fetish
“My neighbors always used to call me to babysit their 8-year-old son. One time, he touched my feet and proceeded to tell me that they made his penis stick up. I ignored all of their phone calls after that.”
The bath-time magician
“Gave a four-year-old her bath. Halfway through, she pulls a small spoon out of her vagina. She said she’d put it up there earlier. I asked if she had anything else inside her. She said no. Continued with the bath.”