We're all used to being called out by our friends, but it is a thousand times more humiliating when you are roasted by none other than your own teacher in front of the entire class! We're sure these students are still reeling from these epic burns.
Didn’t Even Say A Word
“Once, and the teacher didn’t even have to say anything.
We recently had gotten smart boards at my school, and a guy most famous for constantly slacking off and cutting corners had to give a presentation on WWII weapons, I believe. He used a much more extensive vocabulary during this presentation than everyone knew he had. The teacher got suspicious and googled some phrases out of his presentation, while the screen was projected on the board behind my classmate, who didn’t notice a thing. He found the entire presentation my classmate was giving, word for word, as the first result on google. For the remainder of his presentation, my classmate wondered why everyone was laughing when the text to his presentation was projected right behind him.”
Mic Drop
“I’m going to submit my proudest moment as an Undergraduate Instructor in school. First off, we would begin each class with a quiz, which I would generally hand out as soon as everyone was seated and I answered any questions on the reading. This day one of my students (one of my best/ brightest, and smartest mouthed) was on his phone after the quiz had been handed out.
Me: ‘Put away the phone, you have your quiz.’
Student: ‘But my mom is texting me.’
Me: ‘She’s texting me too, you don’t see me replying while the quizzes are out.’
Internal Mic Drop.”
Bingo
“Some kids in my class were loudly talking in the back right corner of our classroom, and you could easily tell that they were getting on the nerves of our teacher, he was on his computer. One kid was being very loud (lets call him Bob), and he got on our teacher’s nerve so much that he decided to speak up.
Teacher: ‘Hey Bob, do you know what teachers can’t say to kids when they are being really loud and annoying, because they might be fired.’
Bob: ‘Um… Shut Up?’
Teacher: ‘Yeah, do that.'”
Laying Down The Truth
“Oh yeah. I’m still in high school, so this is still fresh in my mind. A girl in my class, who ‘got around’ if you know what I mean, started dating an eighth grader. She was a junior at the time, so a relationship with that age gap attracts a lot of criticism from fellow students. I didn’t realize teachers would also get in on it. She was in my accounting class, and it was one of the last days of the school year. So, we went outside and just chilled for the hour. The girls sort of huddled together and began to talk about basic high school girl stuff. After a while, the conversation topic moved to relationships and this girl made a comment about how it’s weird to date someone a lot younger than you. The teacher overheard, and immediately added ‘Aren’t you dating an eighth grader? And aren’t you a junior?’ Jaws hit the ground, and everyone started jumping around and screaming. That relationship ended later that day.”
One Strange Dude
“‘If you’re going to be a d–k in class, I want you to wear a full-body condom at all times to protect us.’
The class went dead silent. This teacher was known for speaking whatever was on his mind, but he belted at this kid. Needless to say, Jake immediately stopped talking and no one made a peep for the rest of class. In the teacher’s defense, this was after yelling on multiple occasions for Jake to face forwards and stop talking and interrupting the lecture.
No one was incredibly surprised a few years later when the teacher was forced to go on leave for allowing students to paint on the walls… strange dude but most memorable English teacher I’ve ever had.”
It Was Clever
“We had a very witty and sarcastic social studies teacher in high school. There was a girl who was a cheerleader, one of the social ‘it’ girls, the ‘spoiled princess’ in her family, and definitely quite popular. It is important for this story to note she was also one for which ‘Rubenesque’ could be a good term—she was physically attractive per ‘normal standards,’ but she carried enough extra weight to be sensitive about it.
Our school had the old steam radiators, and on one cold morning in the first hour class she decided to sit on the radiator to warm up, rather than sit at her desk. She was somebody who was used to getting her way—‘daddy’ was important enough in the community and she was enough of a princess to make that a reality. The teacher asked her to get off the radiator and sit at her desk. She ignored him. He asked again—she told him she didn’t want to. He asked a third time, to which she replied something along the lines of, ‘What difference does it make to you—I’m not bothering anybody sitting here.’ Exasperated, the teacher responded something along the lines of, ‘Look, you might not be hurting anybody, but I don’t really want the smell of frying bacon in my classroom.’ With that crushing blow (and the subsequent laughter at such a burn), she left the room in tears and went to complain to the principle. Perhaps today the teacher would be scolded for ‘fat shaming,’ but in a 1980’s Catholic school she was scolded for not respecting his authority. It WAS a clever retort.”
Will Never Live That Down
“You know that one kid that doesn’t give a flying F–K about his education? I have one in my class right now and his name is Andrew. Now I go to an all boys school and of course since there are no girls around we were acting like complete idiots. One day an essay was due for history the next day. So Andrew decided to provoke the teacher by asking for an extension. Of course he didn’t word it like that. This is the conversation that they had in the middle of class:
Teacher, ‘Remember guys the essay on the Mongols is due tomorrow so get on it.’
Andrew, ‘What if I have a hot date?’ (Chuckles to his buddies)
Teacher ‘Use your other hand’ (turns around to the board).
I SWEAR TO GOD THE ENTIRE CLASS FLIPPED ITS S–T. No one would expect a teacher to make a masturbation joke in class. So while the entire class was rioting, Andrew’s face was beet red. It took the entire period to calm down. People were yelling and screaming like maniacs.
‘Andrew you just got f–king owned!’
‘Holy s–t Andrew you got roasted!’
‘Someone contact a burn ward!’
‘Damn Andrew!’
‘Mr. Burns you are savage!’
Even the English class next to us came over to find out the f–king riot that was going on. Andrew has never talked back to any teacher ever since. I have a newfound respect for my history teacher.”
I’m Lovin’ It
“I was a young substitute teacher. One day a young gentlemen, we’ll call him Marcus, immediately stood out as the class clown. Marcus would get up, walk around, distract others…the usual stuff. Anything to avoid doing actual work. I was pretty tolerant and would ask him to have a seat, which he complied with the first time. After doing this a few more times, eventually Marcus started to ignore me. The class volume was starting to rise. I could tell I was about to lose control of the entire room.
As it turns out Marcus was wearing super bright red shoes with matching ketchup-red pants, and an oversized, bright mustard-yellow shirt. I was pretty irritated at this point and without hesitation, I sternly said the first thing that came to mind.
‘Yo! Micky D’s! Have a seat!’
The entire class stopped talking and looked over at Marcus in confusion. I heard some chattering ‘Micky D’s? What’s he talking about…’ For a split-second the entire room went silent as everyone came to the same realization simultaneously. The room erupted in laughter as Marcus looked down at his mustard shirt. He pinched it between his fingers and pulled it away from his body as if to gain some clarity as to what was going on.
He looked up at me and was about to retort, but with the entire class lol-ing at him, he couldn’t help but relax and laugh along with them. I let out a little chuckle, trying to hold in any laughter, so as to stay in serious mode.
Class was smooth sailing after that. I’m pretty sure he never came back to school looking like a McDonald’s sign again.”
He Had Enough
“I was in a University class called ‘Multi-Variable Mathematics.’ The Professor was an extremely well respected, renowned faculty member. There was one student in the class who was a stereotypical know-it-all. He was quite smart, but not as smart as he thought. He had a habit of pointing out every statement that was ‘incorrect’ regardless of whether the ‘mistake’ had any impact on the point being made. It annoyed the rest of us to no end, but I am sure it really drove the Professor crazy. After one-too-many of these ‘corrections’ in a row, the Professor turned, looked right at him, and said:
‘I cannot believe that out of hundreds of millions of sperm, you were the fastest.’
Without another word, he turned and continued lecturing without missing a beat. It was all that the rest of us could do to stifle the laughter, but I am sure that all of us were applauding on the inside.”
Answering Your Own Question
“It was biology class. Our teacher, Ms. Y, was giving us a lecture about the digestive system and was about to wrap up the lesson with a Q&A session. Students were asking questions that ranged from the type of enzyme which breaks down certain foods to the various functions of other digestive organs which were not in our syllabus. And, all of a sudden, he rose his hand.
‘Yes, darling. What is your question?’
‘You mentioned something about how our waste comes out of our bottoms because it is near the end of our digestive system. So, is it possible for s–t to come out of our mouths then if it hasn’t been fully digested?’ said the boy, who was acting all silly and proud of his question.
‘Well, the fact that you asked that sort of question suggests that … s–t does come out of your mouth.’
‘Ohhhhh!! Sick burn, Ms. Y!’
‘Damnnn! Burnnn!!!’
‘Roast of the century!’
Afterwards, that poor boy turned lobster-red and now asked questions with more caution instead of spewing out questions that lacked any thought. Still love that story even after so long.”
The King Of Roasts
“I have a teacher that is hilarious when it comes to roasts. Let’s call him Mr. A.
He’s a good teacher and really cares for students, but is definitely one that would roast you regularly if you screw up.
For example:
Student: ‘I forgot to turn in my assignment.’
Mr. A: ‘Don’t worry, you can turn it in next year when you take this class again.’
Or…
While the teacher is solving a problem…
Student: ‘Mr. A, how are you so fast?’
Mr. A: ‘How are you so slow?’ dabs“
Had It Coming
“Recently in my high school marketing class, which one of my favorite classes because of how chill the setting is, there is a student who always tries to annoy the teacher so he ends up getting roasted all the time. This was the biggest roast by a teacher I’ve ever seen:
Teacher: ‘We’re watching a movie.’
Student: (trying to guess the movie) ‘Is it the 40 year old virgin?’
Teacher: ‘No the class isn’t going to watch a movie about your life.’
The whole class went insane after that. Kid was quiet for the rest of the class. First time I’ve ever seen him not speak. Roasts like this happens everyday in this class, just never this good. Kid had it coming because of how much he says in that class. It’s early in the year so I guarantee more roasts will come towards this kid.”
No Ducking Out Of It
“In high school, I had a friend who was a comedic know-it-all. You know the type. He was incredibly smart, with a sharp wit and sharper tongue, and quick to find humor or situation to cause havoc. He was infamous in his quest to be a pest.
Let’s call him W.
To set this scene, we’re in English class, where W was lamenting over his fate on having to write a paper he found to be unfair work load. He’d done a lot of hijinks with such papers in the past, such as writing 500 words in a long, grammatically correct sentence. So naturally, we all shut up to hear what W has to say.
‘What if this is all in my mind?’ he asked. ‘I believe we’re all just brains in a jar, and busywork is pointless in the grand scheme of things. None of this is real, Mr. J.’
Mr. J was our English teacher, and he, too, was very quick on the draw. He said nothing, crossing over to his desk where he picked up an apple and tossed it in his hand a few times.
‘If I throw this apple at you, would you duck?’
‘What?’ W wasn’t expecting that question.
Keeping a tight hold on the apple, Mr. J suddenly whipped his arm forward, pretending to throw it. W practically hit his head on the table to try to avoid it.
‘See?’ said Mr. J, taking a bite out of his apple. ‘You ducked, so you think the apple is real. Therefore, write your paper.'”
Savage
“A former teacher once cornered a friend of mine in the school corridor. She went ballistic at her because she didn’t think my friend was working at her full potential.
She ranted at full volume, labeling her lazy, selfish, a huge disappointment, and told her she was wasting everyone’s time.
But the proper roasting was delivered with regards to another classmate.
The teacher said: ‘Do you understand how much better you are than some of the other students in this class? Look at Kate. Your s–ttest day is still better than her smartest day. You at your very worst, is still better than Kate at her very best.’
It was an absolute incineration.”
She’s Ruthless
“I’ll share a story that happened to me. This was back at college days. I was attending a Computer Architecture class with a professor that made nonsensical or even embarrassing comments to students. Damn, she used to ask people where they live and make such comments about those places. Like…
‘People there are involved in drug trafficking, right?’
‘Isn’t there a criminal gang? Do you know any of them?’
But one day…
I was wearing a Riddler T-shirt (yes, the Batman villain). It was a green shirt with a big black question mark in it, Riddler’s characteristic symbol. She looked at my T-shirt and asked, for the whole class to hear:
‘Is this shirt an indication that you are still questioning your sexuality?’
WHAT THE ACTUAL F–K?!?!
Obviously, everyone burst into laughter
But I admit, I laughed about it later with my classmates.
I miss that place… Not that professor, though.”
You’re Lucky
“There’s one I believe I’ll never forget.
It was just a couple months before graduating high school. We had this Chemistry teacher that was this huge dude, and he used to shoot rough comments sometimes when someone did something stupid.
He also had the awesome ability to keep teaching his class to the few paying attention while about half of the students were talking about something else.
This particular day the most annoying kid in our class, Daniel, kept yelling, while 20 guys were talking simultaneously, to one specific dude, Gabriel, for him to shut up.
Every 15 seconds:
Daniel: ‘Hey! Gabriel! Shut up! Shut UP!’
And this lasted for at least half an hour.
At one point Gabriel went bananas and, coincidentally, the entire class went silent, and he shouted ‘Hey Daniel go f–k yourself, a–hole!’
Daniel decided to play the victim, turned to the teacher and said, ‘Did you see that?’
Teacher’s response: ‘You’re lucky he just told you to f–k yourself. I’d have kicked the s–t outta you!’
Daniel’s voice wasn’t heard that day again.”
“Loved That Man”
“One of my favorite instances of a teacher roasting a student over plagiarism actually occurred in my programming class. To preface, this class consisted of several groups. One group had four worst programmers I’ve ever seen. For the entire semester, they essentially just had one person do the work, and then the other four would copy it, modify it somewhat, and turn it in. This definitely violated school plagiarism policy.
Finally, one day, the teacher, who had spent the entire semester passive-aggressively telling them that he knew they were cheating and giving them all D’s, came over to the dumbest one in the group. Note that when I say ‘dumb,’ I mean a guy who accidentally overdosed in the middle of math class and spent twenty minutes staring at the ceiling and drooling, before his friends smuggled him out of there. Einstein, he was not.
Anyway, the teacher comes over, and sits down with this guy.
Teacher: ‘Hey. I noticed some interesting things in your last assignment. Would you mind explaining something to me?’
Student: ‘Sure. What?’
Teacher: ‘Well, first of all, I was curious why you did this.’
Student: ‘Um… I don’t know.’
Teacher: ‘Okay. In that case, I was curious if you could tell me what that does.’
Student: ‘Um…. Not sure about that either.’
Teacher: ‘Do you know how many lines of code this assignment took for everyone else?’
Student: ‘No.’
Teacher: ‘It took most of them a few dozen lines.’
Student: ‘Oh…’
Teacher: ‘It took you, , and exactly 1,967 lines each.’
Student: ‘Well, we did bounce ideas off of each other.’
Teacher: ‘Additionally, the only difference between your code was a few variable names.’
Student: ‘Well, I guess great minds think alike.’
Teacher: ‘I guess that must be it. I just can’t think of another scenario. I mean, I understand some similarities in design, but your code was almost identical, your comments were identical…
In fact, your names were even identical. If I couldn’t tell that you had submitted it, I would have only given a grade to … and then your grade would be… well… exactly where it is now.’
Loved that man. Possibly my favorite teacher in high school.”
The Cruel Setup
“This one was simply epic and was likely of horrible psychological consequence for a good friend of mine (Though I did laugh too so I still feel a bit bad about it almost twenty years later).
A bit of background is needed for this to make sense though.
My friend who I’ll refer to as ‘R’ was the definition of nerd (Not that I was much better but I was a somewhat athletic nerd who’d learned to mostly hide it).
He was egg shaped, had a ferret for a pet that caused a few car accidents, made lists of anime characters he’d like to do, wore thick glasses, and preternaturally awkward.
Our English teacher was talking about stereotypes in literary characters, looks out the door a moment, then says something along the lines of what do you visualize when you think of a nerd.
Just then in walks R.
The entire class busts out laughing at him and he has no clue why.
He was a good sport about it I think when he was given context but damn was that cold.”
Brought Back To Life
“I was always very good at math. It seems I just have a head for numbers.
Our Geometry teacher was well known for being a very dull and boring ancient woman. She would drone on and on about the same topic, reviewing it numerous times, and everyone would have to fight to stay awake. Her voice was this soft monotone that would lull you to sleep if you weren’t extremely vigilant.
Well the material was very easy for me and I would catch on very quickly so for the rest of the class period I would be stuck there listening to her explain what I already understood a dozen more times. I hated it. So I started bringing a book to class with me.
I didn’t try to hide the book or anything. That wasn’t my style. The first few times she would always tell me to put it away but the next day I’d pull that book right back out.
Once she noticed I was acing her class she finally quit making me put my book away and would just let me read.
That didn’t go over so well with some of the other students so they started bringing things in to read too.
One girl came in one day with some teen magazine or something of the sort and started reading it during class. The teacher kindly tells the girl to put it away as she does with everyone else.
This girl decided not to go quietly though. ‘But you let Don read,’ she responded with all the sass of a teenage girl.
That little old lady looked up with a smile and finally broke her monotone and said with glee, ‘Don isn’t failing my class.’
It was like we got a glimpse of her back in her glory days. The impression I got was that she was probably once a really fun teacher but after 40 years or more she’d gotten just as bored and melancholy as we were.
Regardless it was wonderful to see that girl stew even if I happened to be one of the targets of her ire.”
Getting The Last Laugh
“I’d stayed on very good, friendly terms with my freshman math teacher and he’d also been my homeroom teacher throughout high school. We were known to freely joke at each other’s expense, and when the topic of handling failure came up in class, I knew I had a punchline coming my way.
‘Take Ray for example! He was in my class; I can tell you he knows PLENTY about failure!’
We and everyone else in homeroom got a couple chuckles from that. Indeed, quite the roast. Then, my response:
‘Of course I do; I watched you teach!'”
Got Him Good
“There was a kid that did nothing except for sleep in class. One day the teacher was lecturing about millimeters vs centimeters. The kid was actually awake and asked what the difference was. The teacher’s answer?
‘Why don’t you look in your pants? You’ll find an answer there.'”
Shut Him Up
“I knew a guy who taught 8th grade Latin. Some of the boys in his class were particularly rambunctious.
At one point, he was going into a little bit of history, talking about… I don’t know who. Senators in ancient Rome, say. Maybe he was describing their daily lives: they did this, they did that, etc.
One kid, looking to stir trouble as usual, asked: ‘Did they… hehehehehe…. did they masturbate?’
The teacher replied without missing a beat: ‘Some of them did… did you think you invented it?’
Kid was quiet for a while after that.”