Where’s A Cop When You Need Them?
“In the wee hours of a Sunday, I was cruising down the freeway at a leisurely 65-70 mph, slightly above the 65 limit. I say leisurely because I had not seen a single car traveling below 80 mph in that particular section. I was returning home from a nearby town. I was about 200 miles away and I still had about 150 miles to go. This was around 1-2 am at night, so the traffic was light. And by light, I mean there was me and one other car about a mile and a half ahead of me. That’s it, just two cars in the entire visible stretch of highway…and we were in a long section with six lanes either way.
After a while, I saw headlights from two cars, following each other, approaching behind me from distance. Judging from how quickly they caught up with me, they were doing at least 80-85 and were traveling in the same lane as I was. I was traveling in the third lane, so there were two empty lanes on my left and three empty lanes on my right with not another soul driving for miles. Imagine my frustration when the approaching car started tailgating me at three feet from my rear bumper. He was following me so closely that it was very disconcerting to see the headlights of the car behind me disappear from all my mirrors of my sedan. This almost never happens except at busy traffic lights when the cars squeeze together when stopped. Definitely not while cruising down the highway.
I was in no way a slow camper, not just in leftmost lane, but in any lane. I know how frustrating it is to be blocked by someone going below or at speed limit in the left lanes. If I see people going faster than me in my lane or passing me on right, I switch lanes to the right so that the faster traffic can move in left lanes. Not that day. The entire six lanes were empty and this guy chose to tailgate me? I wasn’t going to move, especially as I was already in the third lane at the point. Our procession proceeded down the highway for another 2-3 miles.
After a minute or two, the guy behind me decided to do something about me not moving over. Instead of just passing me on the left, he decided to pass me on the right and then immediately cut back in my lane causing me to brake hard…on an otherwise empty highway. The guy who was behind this guy (now behind me) almost rear-ended me and I honked for quite long at the guy (now) in front of me. While this was unfolding, the 2nd guy started pulling the same stunt and moved in the right lane. I looked out the window and I thought of shaking my head at him to discourage him from doing the same thing. Turns out, the second car was actually a marked highway patrol car. He just smiled at me shaking my head, overtook me and immediately lit up the wonderful red-blues and pulled the other guy over. All of this action took place within five seconds of the guy cutting me off. Sweet!
I finally had the empty highway in front of me and a smile on my face which lasted all the way till I reached home. People always ask where are the cops when you need them. They are right there.”
He Acted Like A Tough Guy, Til He Faced A REAL Tough Guy
“I’ve got a buddy, Jim, who’s a cop and he told me this story years ago. He was about 6’6” and on the SWAT team. Real nice guy but you would not want to mess with him.
He was driving home from work in his personal car, a small sports car. Behind him was a 20-something nitwit who kept riding his tail, backing off, then speeding up to ride his tail again. All in packed rush-hour traffic on a three-lane freeway.
He was watching all this in his rearview and he’s waiting for the inevitable. Sure enough, Nitwit hits him.
So they both pulled off to the shoulder and Jim just sat in his car. Nitwit gets out of his redneck-mobile, shouting and cursing and threatening to kick his butt. Just before he got to the car, Jim gets out. He unfolded himself and stood at his full 6’6,” still wearing full black tactical gear, and just stared at him.
Nitwit literally peed himself.”
Mustang Versus Cop
“I saw this happen while I was waiting for the bus.
It was night time and it was raining really hard. This guy in a Mustang ran a red light and immediately got pulled over by a squad car. Over the loudspeaker, the cop ordered the driver to get out of the vehicle and put their hands on the roof of the car, which the guy did.
Then, nothing. The cop just left him there for about 30 seconds getting soaked by the rain, then used the loudspeaker again:
‘Next time you run a red light during a storm, don’t do it right in front of a cop. Idiot.’
Then he just drove away.”
When Bad Mouthing Border Patrol Backfires
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“I’m a Border Patrol Agent near a few two-lane highways with limited opportunities to pass due to all the hills and curves.
I regularly pull over old people driving motorhomes at 45 mph in 65 mph zones. The reason being is they have a line of 20+ vehicles behind them trying to pass them.
One couple I pulled over was particularly angry they got pulled over. When I told them there was a line of cars behind them trying to pass, they got all huffy and told me I wasn’t a ‘real cop’ and to ‘go eff myself.’ Their records came back clean so I sent them on their way.
About 20 minutes later, I saw them on the side of the road, with smoke billowing out the back of their camper. Another agent and I pulled in behind to help them. As I pulled the fire extinguisher out of my car, the old lady passenger was like, ‘Help, he dropped his cig in the back!’
I went in the back of the trailer to help the old man battling the blaze. I managed to put out most of the fire inside, but it had caught the insulation or something, so the fire was on the outside of the camper, too.
The old man asked if I would give him a hand with it. I said, ‘I don’t know, I’m not a real firefighter.'”
Guess His Holiday Plans Are Cancelled…
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“Several years ago, a highway patrol officer provided a beautiful bit of instant karma for which I never got to thank him.
It was the last few days before Christmas, so the freeways were packed. People were eager to get to the stores to do their shopping on the way home. So eager that every day my commute home encountered at least one accident on the freeway that snarled up traffic.
I was crawling in the farthest left lane and a car bulled his way in front of me. No signals. He just took advantage of the reasonable following distance I was giving the car in front of me in the stop-and-go traffic. I was alert, but I had to tap my brakes and peep in my mirror to judge the distance between me the police car behind me.
Then the guy who cut me off swerved over and crossed the double yellow lines to get into the HOV (carpool) lane. I’d seen that sort of thing before and found myself wishing there had been a highway patrol officer around to witness this.
The lights behind me came on immediately. Traffic stopped in the HOV lane and the highway patrol car entered the lane. I might have smiled as I watched in my rearview mirror as the officer escorted the other vehicle off the freeway. It was going to be quite a trip to cross all that traffic and he was probably already in a hurry.”
Like A Scene Out Of “Super Troopers”
“Anyone who became a State Trooper after the movie “Super Troopers” came out would be lying if they said that movie didn’t affect their decision. I got to act out a small clip from that, albeit not intentionally.
I was working one weekend in heavy traffic. There wasn’t a lot going on and a new guy, Gallegos, had just transferred in recently. He was trying to get a layout of the area. I showed him a spot that was easy for tickets due to a restricted lane on the freeway for emergency vehicles only. Lots of signs saying it was restricted. But by taking this lane, you’d save 30 minutes and bypass a 100 cars. So we had someone illegally use that lane every one or two minutes. And it was completely separated from the regular lanes, so once you were in it, you were committed.
We pulled into a spot to watch the lane and Gallegos called me on my phone. ‘So…I see the sign. That means only emergency vehicles?’
I confirmed it.
‘So anyone going through right now not driving an emergency vehicle is breaking the law?’
I confirmed again. He couldn’t believe how simple it was and how many people ignored it. As we were having this conversation, a couple of cars passed us. He kept asking, ‘Okay, I get it, but what code—‘
I had to cut him off as I saw a limo in my rear view mirror.
‘Sorry man, I gotta go stop this moron.’ I hung up. I mumbled, ‘What a complete idiot.’ The limo caught my attention for driving in the lane, which wasn’t all that unusual. What was unusual was that it came to a complete stop once the driver saw me. And then went into reverse. On the freeway.
So now that driver had broken the law three times; restricted lane, unnecessary stop on a freeway, and unsafe backing.
I went full lights and sirens and floored it…in reverse. That opening scene in Super Troopers with the stoners? Just like that. Only I wasn’t in a lane, so not completely reckless. Interestingly enough, training at my academy specifically included driving backward at high speeds.
I watched as the limo continued to back up. He was committed a good 1,000 feet into the restricted lane. He finally got back to where he could get out of the lane, and cut back into the main freeway. This was right as I flew by him, going backward. I slammed on the brakes and pulled behind him.
‘PULL THE VEHICLE OVER!’ I commanded over the PA. He was already pulled over.
I contacted him and I didn’t give him a chance to explain why he did what he did. I told him that I saw him do it, and he just nodded.
As I had him pulled over, another car took the restricted lane. A driver stuck in traffic yelled at me, ‘Hey, isn’t that restricted?!’
I confirmed it.
‘But they just took that lane!’
I watched as the car continued on, looked at the limo I stopped, looked at the driver yelling at me, and yelled back, ‘I can’t stop them all!’
But I sure can stop a lot.”
He Nearly Peed Himself When He Saw Who Got Out Of The Car
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“My best story is from an ex who is a cop. Terrible boyfriend; great cop.
He worked the graveyard shift so he was done around 2 am unless he had court, then he could leave a little early. He was on his way to court one morning in full uniform and in his personal car, but happy because he was pretty sure this guy wasn’t going to show up, so he got extra time to sleep and he was getting paid four hours for showing up regardless.
He got off of the expressway and made a right. At the upcoming intersection, the only way you could turn at this light was if you just exited the expressway and were in the two far right lanes. That’s it. There were no other turns, the other four lanes went straight.
So some jerk decided that he was more important than the rest of all the morning rush hour traffic and made a right from the furthest left lane through a red light, across three straight only lanes, and 1.5 right turn lanes. It would have been both right lanes, but the side of my boyfriend’s car was in the way, not that that stopped the jerk from ramming into my boyfriend’s car.
The guy didn’t even have the chance to get out of his car. My boyfriend jumped out of his car and RAN at full speed to this guy, hand on his holster because he’s thought the guy was either wasted or crazy. He got to the guy’s car and the dude was terrified. Can you imagine trying to pull off an illegal turn, causing an accident, and then finding out a cop in uniform is the one you hit? I’d be peeing myself.
My boyfriend yelled at him through his closed window, ‘YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.’
The thing is, I’m absolutely 1000% certain that the idiot was saying the same exact thing when he saw my boyfriend’s uniform.
My boyfriend filled out an incident report while waiting for on-duty officers, handed it to them instead of talking and then was late to court. The defendant didn’t show up.”
Pro Tip: Never Threaten A Cop
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“I’m a police dispatcher, so I was witness to it all going down.
One day, this motorcycle cop (one generally disliked, unlike most of the other cops at our department) was running a stationary radar at a stupidly busy intersection. Being on a bike, he couldn’t sit in his car and wait for his info to come back, so he mostly ran it himself to make the process faster. What he looked for was just to see if they were already in our system and if they had a license. As a dispatcher, we’re a bit more thorough and see if they’re wanted (the officer on scene can only see if they’re wanted through OUR city, no surrounding ones or other states).
This guy was speeding and blew a stop sign. He also had a suspended drivers license AND no insurance. His car got towed on the spot. Get walking, jerk.
The guy didn’t even make a block. He was fuming, swearing up and down it was solely because he was black. He came up with this brilliant plan: find out if the cop has a family and threaten them. The cop had a fairly unique last name and despite internal memos to not use your actual name on social media like Facebook, our officer used his real name. This guy found it fast since his account is public. The guy saved a picture of the officer’s kid, sent it to him via FB message with the caption, ‘BANG!!’
The cop saw this and pressed charges for threats or inciting violence or something along those lines. Well, there was now a warrant out for his arrest because he’s stupid. To get a warrant, you also have to check to see if they have a record and check to see if they’re wanted anywhere else. Guess what? This guy turned out to be a freaking child abuser and was wanted in another state for touching children.
Six hours later they arrested him at his baby mama’s house.”
The Terrible Stepdad Got What He Deserved
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“My stepdad was a jerk. He held me to a higher standard than he held himself. I was always wrong, he was always right. He’d beat me if I so much as left crumbs near the toaster in the morning. And I mean beat, like fists to the side of my face. Child protective services knew us well. Sadly, I was so conditioned and scared, I always protected him. I blamed bruises on other things (we had a 120-pound dog who was an easy scapegoat. I played a sport, etc.).
One day, we were headed to get breakfast at a cafe. We lived in a small town called Banner Elk, the cafe was actually in a double-wide and it’s one block from the only stoplight in town. That’s where we lived. Stepdad decided he was irritated that the car in front of us was going slow. He decided, as is typical of him, that he would tailgate the car in front. Again, he’s a jerk.
I was in the passenger seat and I saw the other driver look in his rearview a couple times, then, somehow, all his lights flash – reverse light, third brake light, everything. I thought, ‘That’s weird,’ so I looked a bit more critically. The car was Dodge Intrepid that could make its lights flash, weird extra antennas on the roof, strange license plate…it was an unmarked cop car!
So I told my stepdad, ‘That’s a cop!’
Of course, he was a jerk, so, as if it was just a knee-jerk reaction, he told me to shut up.
I decided that I would let this play out. I said nothing of the observations I’d made. A few moments later, the car in front pulled off the road abruptly and immediately pulled back onto the road behind us.
At that point, I certain he was getting what was coming to him.
As I suspected, it was a cop and he was mad. Stepdad saw this finally and as I watched the realization that I was right set in, he decided then that maybe it was a good time to put on the seat belt that he never wears. Except, it wasn’t.
With one hand on the wheel and two eyes on the rearview mirror, he had no hands or eyes to manage the curve that’s coming and so we crossed over the center line into oncoming traffic.
The cop had seen enough and put his lights on.
I was laughing. Uncontrollable, belly busting laughter. This dude was about to get owned by this cop. And it turned out even better than I thought.
We pulled over. The cop came up and started talking, then said, ‘Sir! Step out of the vehicle! Now!’
I was actually a bit scared by this point. The cop made him ‘spread em’ against the car hood and then came back to where I was sitting and retrieved the 9-inch buck knife my stepdad kept between the seat and the stick shift. Since beating on a child made him feel tough, a knife in the car was the obvious next choice for the low life child abuser. The cop placed the knife on the roof and proceeded to pat down and lecture my stepdad.
Did I mention how all of this is happening directly in front of the local cafe where the entire town had breakfast?
Needless to say, the cop was not impressed and I got to see this piece of crap who made my life the worst get treated like the criminal I knew he was. It was great.”
The Benefits Of Driving An Unmarked Unit
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“When I was hired and still on probation, I was driving around in an unmarked unit vehicle with my Field Training Officer (FTO). He had been talking about the pros and cons of unmarked units, mostly pros.
We were sitting at a light behind a Mustang when a sports bike comes up. The Mustang revved it’s engine a few times, biker revved his engine a few times. My FT was just staring at them with the biggest grin on his face.
The light turned green and the Mustang launched, the biker took off too. FTO hit the lights and sirens and the Mustang immediately slammed on its brakes. The biker looked back (while still accelerating forward). The biker looked back forward, probably thinking he was in the clear to take off, and a car started merging into his lane.
He couldn’t decelerate fast enough and ended up dumping the bike and skidding a good 60 feet. No major injuries, but he was transported to a local hospital to remove gravel from his skin.
Both were cited for unlawful speed, tire screeching, reckless endangerment, failure to use due care, and street racing.”
He Knew Going Into That Neighborhood Alone Was A Bad Idea
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“The day I graduated from the Academy, one of the Troopers in charge gave me one last piece of advice as he was giving me the bullets: ‘Don’t ever go into North Madison alone.’ North Madison, historically, had some of the highest crime rates in the country but had been steadily declining. Still not a place anyone who earns a legal paycheck would like to live.
Years later, I got a call to take a report of a hit and run crash in North Madison. I had never been to North Madison before, but I remembered what the instructor told me. It was just a hit and run crash, with a female reporting party, no need for a second unit…even though the nearest backup would be 30 minutes out.
I went on the scene and realized I wasn’t in the Projects; I patrolled another city with literal projects, and that area was bad. I was in an area worse than the Projects. No windows on any houses as they were all covered with boards. The outside walls of the houses were halfway ripped off, exposing the structure. They all looked like they should’ve been condemned. Yet, people were living in them.
I contacted the ‘victim,’ Jane. She was seated in the driver’s seat of a brand new bright orange Toyota Corolla. She bought it five days prior. And on the left side was a giant scrape and dent, running the length of the car. That car was obviously in a crash. I asked for her driver’s license to identify her. It was suspended and she only had an ID card. She told me she absolutely wasn’t driving, as her car was simply parked, and she happened to be in the driver’s seat when the crash happened. She knew exactly who did it, and exactly which car they were driving, and exactly where that person lived, although she only knew the other driver’s street name of Pixie.
I didn’t believe a word she told me.
The whole time this was going on, there was a small group of guys sitting on the trunk of another car, about 50 feet away, watching me. I was watching them as well. They gave me one of those bad feelings. One of them, in particular, stood out to me, I later learned he was Jane’s boyfriend.
I got all the info on the report and left to do some follow up at the address the victim provided. I got there, and a teenager answered the door. I told him, ‘I’m Trooper XYZ, I’m looking for…’
People don’t talk to cops in these neighborhoods, so I was surprised when he replied, ‘Oh yeah! You looking for Pixie about the crash? HEY PIXIE!! YOU HERE?! HEY, IS PIXIE HERE?!’ Pixie wasn’t there, but I left my contact info, fully expecting no reply.
Two days later, I went to work like normal and we had a briefing. We watched a pursuit video from one of our airplanes in Madison with a random car, which we do from time to time for training purposes. The suspect went head-on with an innocent car, flipping over the innocent car, and totaling the suspect car. The suspect tried to flee on foot, and you could see him take a couple steps, then fall over. The graveyard shift arrested the driver and impounded the car, which is standard. Follow up determined he broke his leg in the crash and couldn’t run.
That afternoon, I got a call at the office from ‘Pixie.’ Her story was quite a bit different. She went on about how she was the real victim, and Jane, who owned that Corolla, wasn’t the one in it, and it definitely wasn’t parked. In fact, Jane’s boyfriend was the one driving it, and he was trying to kill Pixie, and Pixie was being chased all over Madison until she was finally able to get away. It wasn’t a hit and run, it was an attempted murder with a car. Pixie told me that she heard that Jane’s boyfriend was arrested last night, after a pursuit in that same orange Corolla…that same orange Corolla that I just watched a pursuit video of in briefing.
The pieces started to come together. I believed Pixie’s story a lot more than Jane’s. The pursuit video I watched was actually the Sheriff who had been following Jane’s boyfriend for weeks. He had multiple warrants for multiple murders. Jane’s boyfriend was one of the guys in North Madison watching me as I was taking the report. Jane even showed up to the pursuit crash scene to get her belongings out of the car before it was towed.
At the end of it all, Jane’s boyfriend broke his leg and went to prison (again). Jane had her brand new car totaled with no compensation from insurance. And I never went to North Madison alone again.”