What happens on the ship stays on the ship, right? Except for right now, when cruise ship workers tell all!
Morbid Realization.
“Odds are, someone died on your cruise. Think about all the old folks you see get on to the boat – for a lot of them this is their retirement home (and cheaper than a lot of other retirement homes). They are literally taking cruises until they die and we eventually find them in their cabins.”
Playing The System.
“Get a free fridge in your room. Say it is a medical need for medication. Hippa laws mean they can’t pressure details out of you. May not work for smaller motel/hotel but should for most larger hotels/cruises.”
Save Some Room In Your Bag.
“I currently work as a housekeeper. People leave anything and everything behind. Forget your curling iron? We probably have one. Need a charger? Yep. Toys for your child? You got it. If you ask, while we’re in-between rooms or cleaning a common area, we’d love to help you out. No one really asks…”
Come Up With Your Own S.O.S.
“The staff on most all cruise lines are not trained nearly well enough to handle an abandon ship situation. It would be chaos if it were to happen on a large vessel. The safety briefing you go to is just theater and we want to be there even less than you do. Norovirus (stomach bug) is way more common on ships than you would think. Security staff on ships are poorly equipped to handle a major security breach like an active shooter situation. The words ‘bright star’ over the P.A. indicates a medical emergency is happening and is a page for medical staff to respond. The captain earns bonuses for saving fuel. Leaving port early or arriving late means the ship can go slower and conserve fuel which means more money for the captain.”
Little White Lies.
“I worked for a fancy restaurant in a tourist town that catered to cruise line passengers looking to get away from the ships. Our desserts were frozen and shipped to us from a company named ‘Gourmet Chefs’ so when you read the menu description, and we say that all of our desserts are prepared by gourmet chefs…we aren’t lying. They were just reheated and prepared by a high school kid making $3 an hour.”
Leave Some Leftovers.
“We pray you don’t finish all that banquet food so we can! 😀 Oh, and untouched food eaten out of bus tubs. That’s a thing.”
Nothing’s Original.
“I worked as an improv actor on a cruise once for 6 months. What we don’t tell you is half the show is scripted, we just tie in your suggestions.”
The Crew Is Having More Fun Than You.
“I am a cruise ship worker. First one is, we don’t want you to know that we actually have more fun than the guests. Sure we’ll work the big white hot party that your all going to, but once we finish our shift all h*ll is breaking loose in the crew bar. Just below and to the sides of where you are sleeping there are crew members having sex, smoking and drinking. Our beers are $1. No drugs or spirits though. We also don’t want you to know that all those funny jokes we tell you at bingo? Yeah… Same ones are said every. Single. Cruise. That really funny answer you gave us about your wife during the happy couples game? Heard it. It was said last cruise and the one before that, and the one before that…We also don’t want you to know that all those funny jokes we tell you at bingo? Yeah… Same ones are said every. Single. Cruise. That really funny answer you gave us about your wife during the happy couples game? Heard it. It was said last cruise and the one before that, and the one before that…There are morgues below deck and a jail cell. We get at least 3 deaths onboard a month. Some people go on a cruise to die. No I do not know where Jack/Rose is… They’re not real people.”
Waste Management.
“Ships can dump toilets directly out to the sea when they are far enough from shore. Sometimes they cheat and do it a little closer in, sometimes they do it at port. Don’t get in the water down current from a cruise ship. Also, a lot of lines will dump trash at sea, especially if they are going really far from shore or will be on the water a while. Usually this is stinky food waste, but sometimes they just dump the whole lot.”
A Magical Time?
“Disney employees are not allowed to discuss the numerous instances of employees of Disney’s cruise ships molesting children. In this case, Disney even protected the child molester: Last year Disney refused to timely report a similar incident when a 33 year old Disney waiter molested an 11 year old girl on the Disney Dream. Although the incident occurred while the cruise ship was in port in Port Canaveral, Disney sailed the cruise ship to the Bahamas in what appeared to be an attempt to aid the crew member in escaping justice. The Bahamas, as Disney expected, refused to arrest the molester and Disney then flew the crew member back to his home country, India. WKMG covered the disturbing story. You can see photos of the incident here and read our account of the crime here. http://www.cruiselawnews.com/2014/04/articles/sexual-assault-of-minors/cruise-nightmare-disney-crew-member-arrested-on-charges-of-molesting-child-on-disney-dream/“
Well, It Is A Cruise…
“Worked for a while on Princess. The cruise line pays for the time that any boat is docked – therefore it is good for the bottom line if the ship gets out of port as soon as possible. Ports that are closer to a big city cost more money. That’s why we would sometime dock far away from a major destination and passengers would have to take a train to the big city… The ship only makes (good) money while it’s out at sea, so I’ve been on voyages that would spend the late-afternoon/night at sea instead of in port, in spite of two destinations being 30mins from one another. There are situations I’ve seen on atlantic crossing voyages, that destination locations are listed that the ship will be visiting, but no one has had good enough weather to get into that port in years. It just makes it look like there will be a destination instead of repeated days at sea. The labor force on different cruise Lines tend to be preferred by different ethnicities. There are actually two crew bars – one for the ‘officers’ and one for the rest of the crew. Boils down to being pretty racist with one for English speakers, and one for everyone else. As a non-officer I was literally not allowed to dance with customers on the club dance floor. Drinks and Cigarettes are h_lla cheap for the crew. Patter/Jokes for most shows are repeated week-in week-out. On Princess, there was a 9:1 guy to girl ratio among the crew. Suffice it to say that h_lla ugly chicks were goddamn prizes.”
Getting Dirty Where Things Get Cleaned.
“Don’t work on a cruise ship, but ended up hanging out with several people who do while drunk the last night of a cruise. If you’re looking for somewhere discreet and your room is not available for whatever reason, the laundry rooms don’t have cameras and do have locks on he doors. Wild sh*t happens there late at night.”
It’s One Big Love Boat.
“The staff cheat on their partners back on land all the time.”
Airlines Aren’t The Only Ones That Can Lose Your Luggage.
“I work as a longshoreman at a cruise ship terminal. More people die on cruises than you realize , mostly old people. Norovirus (Stomach Bug) is very common but more during flu season. Crew member go missing often hitching a free ride to NYC. Rare occasion your luggage will fall in the water being loaded onto the ship. The ship will give you a very shitty refund for your loss of luggage. And if your going to a berth with more than one ship docked make sure you know what ship your going on. Idiots tend to let their luggage get on the wrong ship and have a lovely week without it. Word of advice if your getting on a cruise ship in NYC if your ship leaves at 4:00 get there at 1:30 or 2:00 you will avoid the crowds and the check in lines and your luggage will be attended to right away.”