Ma’am, is this really an emergency? 911 operators recall the most unnecessary calls they’ve taken on the job. Content has been edited for clarity purposes.
Dying Husband
“I was working the early morning shift one Sunday and we had an old lady call in, mid-eighties. She was PANICKING for reasons that were not clear until five minutes into the call. Her husband was on his deathbed.
Me: ‘Alright, ma’am, I’m going to need you to stay on the line while I arrange for an ambulance to go to your location. Would you mind telling me where you are? What’s the address?’
Her: ‘I don’t need an ambulance.’
Me: ‘…’
I thought, ‘Okay, possibly a case of dementia here. No big deal, but need to verify the husband’s condition.’
Me: ‘Ma’am, we still need to send someone over there just as a precaution. Would you mind telling me what’s the matter with your husband?’
Her: ‘I told you, he’s dying! Don’t you understand?’
Me: ‘…’
I thought, ‘No ma’am, I understand absolutely none of this, but I need to make sure you and your husband are safe.’
Me: ‘Ma’am, would you mind telling me where you are? I just want to be sure you’re okay—’
Her: ‘I’m at the hospital.’
Me: ‘… Excuse me, ma’am? Would you mind repeating that?’
Her: ‘I’m at XXX hospital! I need you to send an officer right away! My husband is DYING!’
Me: ‘Ma’am, is there a doctor nearby that I can speak with?’
Her: ‘No! I need an officer NOW!’
Me: ‘And why’s that, ma’am?’
Her: ‘My husband is DYING! Don’t you understand?!’
Me: ‘I’m afraid not ma’am, would you mind explaining what you would like an officer for?’
Her: ‘I need to file a police report!’
Me: ‘What for ma’am?’
Her: ‘I need to report a theft!’
Me: ‘And what has been stolen, ma’am?’
Her: ‘My husband stole money from me! Yesterday, he went to the vending machine and used my credit card without my permission!’
Me: ‘Ma’am is this really a matter of life and death? Is this really an emergency you needed to call 911 for?’
Her: ‘Yes! If he dies before I fill out a police report, I’ll never get that money back!’
At this point, one of my colleagues came back from his break and read the transcript of the call I had up on my screen after I waved him over. He was trying very hard not to laugh. It was funny but I also felt bad for the woman. She clearly needed help, but not of the emergency kind.
I hold my hand over the receiver and told my colleague to call the hospital and get someone over there to calm her down before resuming the conversation:
Me: ‘Ma’am, help is on the way. Please wait with me on the line until we can get someone to you.’
It’s protocol to stay on the line with the caller until assistance is rendered, and I figure it’ll be only a few minutes before a nurse or a doctor can coax her away from the phone. To calm her down, I try distracting her a bit by discussing the details of the ‘theft.’
Me: ‘So ma’am, where was this vending machine located?’
Her: ‘Down the hallway, overlooking the pond behind the hospital.’
Me: ‘The pond, huh? That’s nice. And what did your husband buy?’
Her: ‘He said he needed to buy two bags of chips to feed to this big fish in the pond. He said that the fish had specifically asked him for the chips. I told him that was ridiculous, fish don’t talk, but he wouldn’t listen to me.’
Me: ‘… the fish asked him for chips? Interesting. Now ma’am, you said he used your credit card—how much did these chips cost?’
Her: ‘About $3.50.’
And that was the day I quit my job, walked out the door, and never ate chips again.”
Karma In The Drive-Thru
“A woman called 911 right as she drove into the county I worked for. She was screaming about how the Burger King employees needed to be arrested because they threw a milkshake at her. I asked clarifying questions, then asked her if she was sure it was in our county, because we don’t have a Burger King in that area, but the neighboring county does.
She called me an idiot and to ‘just send the police.’
Come to find out, she ordered her food but then became ignorant to the employees, calling them all sorts of insulting names.
The manager threw her milkshake through her car window.”
Darn Kids These Days
“One time I had a call that went like this:
Me: ‘911 emergency.’
Baked Kid: ‘I need help.’
Me: ‘What’s your location?’
BK: ‘I’m at home.’
Me: ‘Which is where?’
BK: ‘My house.’
Me: ‘What’s your ADDRESS?’
BK: ‘2789.’
Me: ‘I need a street, too.’
He then gave me his address.
Me: ‘Ok. What number are you calling from?’
BK: ‘My phone.’
Me: ‘What number?
BK: ‘My CELL phone.’
Me: ‘I. Need. The. Phone. Number.’
He gave me his phone number.
Me: ‘Who am I speaking to?’
BK: ‘Me!’
Me: ‘What’s going on?’
BK: ‘I can’t get out of bed.’
Me: ‘I’m sorry, what?’
BK: ‘I keep trying, but I keep passing out.’
I could hear a regular conversation going on in the background, so I knew he was not passing out.
At which point, I transferred him to medics, who made him start the whole thing over again.”
EMS Tried To Talk Him Out Of Going To The Hospital
“My partner and I showed up in the morning to find out we had a trainee on our shift. First ride out during his EMT school.
About 2 hours later, we got paged out for ‘Prostate problems. No further information.’
All right. We showed up at an assisted care facility (not a full nursing home, think more apartments that have a nurse on staff). We then made contact with the patient. I sent the student to do vitals while I started questioning him.
Is he having pain? Discomfort? More urine output? Less urine output? Funny feelings about urination? Discharges? Anything? All negative.
Finally, I told him I need some help. Why did he think he was having prostate problems?
Well, it was Saturday morning. And he just watched a medical show that mentioned it was important that men his age get their prostate checked once a year. And it had been about 15 months since he had a prostate exam. And he called his primary care physician and couldn’t get an appointment until Monday morning.
In over 5 years of EMS, this was one of like 3 patients I ever tried to talk OUT OF going to the hospital. But he wanted to transport. So we did.
We radioed the hospital ahead when bringing in a patient. This was the only time I ever said, in front of the patient, ‘I’m sorry for what I am about to tell you.’
We got to the hospital, and as we were moving the patient into a bed, this older male nurse stormed into the room and started laying into me. Why? He thought I was joking when I called in the report. When I assured him that it was legit, he turned to the patient.
I can’t remember his exact words, but it was something like this:
‘You actually called an ambulance to bring you into the EMERGENCY ROOM for a freaking PROSTATE EXAM that you couldn’t wait two days for?!’
The patient looked stunned, but nodded. The nurse turned to the tech that had entered the room.
‘Get this prick a prostate exam and get him the heck out of my ER!’ He then slammed down clipboard he was holding on the counter.
As we were cleaning the ambulance, my trainee looked at me.
‘Is it always like this?’ he asked, hope dying in his eyes.
I clapped him on the shoulder. ‘Welcome to EMS.'”
A Crying Baby
“One time my co-worker had a call that went like this:
Co-worker: ‘Police emergencies’
Caller: ‘My neighbor’s baby has been crying non-stop and it’s keeping us all up.’
‘Do you think it’s in distress?’
‘No, it cries all the time, and I can see the mum on the balcony just having a smoke.’
‘Like are we talking about neglect?’
‘No, I don’t think so. It’s just that the baby makes so much noise all the time.’
‘Well, what do you want us to do? Go over and put 3 rounds in it and punt it off the balcony?’
‘Uh…’
‘Well really, think about it. What can the police do about a new born? They make noise, they’re babies. Mum’s just probably exhausted and trying to get a break.’
‘Okay, I guess you’re right.’
‘Have a good night.’
And honestly to my surprise, the caller didn’t make a complaint against her either.”
Noise Complaint Gone Wrong
“I got a call once from a man about a noise complaint. Pretty standard stuff at first. But, then a priority call came out and the unit on the way to the noise complaint was pulled off to respond to the burglary in progress.
About 10 minutes later, we got a call from the same guy ranting and raving about why we weren’t there yet. I told him it was because a higher-priority event had occurred that needed multiple deputies to respond.
He replied, ‘I don’t give a heck. My call should be responded to first because I called first.”
He then proceeded to call back every 5 minutes for the next ~30 minutes or so until our watch commander that night keyed up on the channel to say she would be en route to the noise complaint.
About 5 minutes after she arrived on the scene. She keyed up again with one in custody for abuse of 911. (Released with a notice to appear, no jail ride).”