These parents have gone over the deep end when it comes to their families and the courtroom. Check these real stories from lawyers who have experienced the worst case scenarios first hand and lived to tell their tales.
(Content edited for clarity.)
Moving For The Kids?
“In California, we have certain requirements to meet before one parent can move away with the child. These requirements kick in when the other parent’s visitation will be materially impacted by the move.
My client is the mom. She is a dental hygienist. She has kids with dentist 1 and divorces dad for dentist 2. She wants to move with the kids to dentist 2’s town so she can work for him, live closer to work, etc.
Dentist 2s town is a 25-minute drive away from Dentist 1s town. 25 minutes.
Between the two of them, the two dentists must have spent nearly 400k fighting over a 25-minute move. This was also the moment I realized I made a terrible mistake becoming a lawyer when I should have become a dentist.”
It’s The Kids Or The Dog
“In law school, I did some intern work for a family law clinic. Most of my clients were pretty reasonable, but when waiting for my cases to be heard in the hearing room, I saw some really petty and terrible stuff from other parties. But one case stood out as the worst.
One guy who got custody of the family dog in the divorce said that if he didn’t get more visitation with the children he would have the dog euthanized. His excuse was that without the kids there, the dog wouldn’t get the attention it needed and was better off dead.
The ex-wife made an impassioned plea before the judge, showing pictures of the kids playing with the dog and video testimony from the kids expressing their love for it. It was 100% clear they would be devastated if the dog was put down. While the judge was very sympathetic and tried asking the ex-husband to be reasonable, in the end, her hands were tied, since the dog was the ex-husband’s property per the divorce agreement, and he was free to do whatever he wanted, provided it comported with state anti-cruelty laws.
In the end, she relented to give him custody rights basically every weekend of the month in order to save the kids’ dog.
To the judge’s credit, she gave the ex-husband a verbal haranguing like I’ve never seen in all my years of practicing law since. She warned him that she would be watching this case very closely and would not hesitate to refer it to a criminal prosecutor if he slips up in any way either towards the treatment of the dog or the kids. And that if anything happens to that dog, she would fast-track a hearing to revisit his visitation rights, and strongly implied the new visitation schedule would be vastly against his favor should that come to pass.
On that day I realized I never wanted to be a family lawyer.”
The Death Of Their Child Didn’t Stop Their Pettiness
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“When I was in law school I worked on a case involving the parents of a victim of Sandy Hook. (They were divorced prior to losing their child but were still fighting over child support several years later.) They were fighting over who got to keep the victim’s compensation fund proceeds for the death of their 6-year-old. They were insanely rich, so it wasn’t about the money, it was about getting a win over their former spouse. It wasn’t so much petty that they were fighting over it, but the way they were fighting over it. Using the death of their baby to score points against that baby’s other parent and the other children were stuck in the middle of this crap show. Incredibly petty but much more depressing than anything else. Worst case I’ve ever worked on.”
Don’t Trust The Babysitter
- “A father once called me because his ex-wife was planning to take their daughter to Disney World. He said he was concerned she might decide to stay there and he wouldn’t know how to contact his daughter. Right, it’s not because your kid might have fun with mom, it’s because of the epidemic of people who just don’t come back from Disney. Sounds legit.
- A mother, who had (for good cause) lost custody of her children for the foreseeable future, wouldn’t let them retrieve their clothes and stuff from her house because she claimed, she would never get it back.
- A dad, who made ~90% of the parents’ combined income, tried to get the court to force mom to pay her (~10%) share of their teenage son’s car insurance costs, because of reasons. I did the math; her share came out to less than $.25 per day. This after she had to go to court to get him to pay his share of the kid’s educational expenses.
- I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve seen a parent tell the judge they’d rather pay the cost of a babysitter than let the child spend more time with the other parent who was willing, able, and eager to watch the kid. Of course, they always want the other parent to pay their share of the babysitter cost, too. Of course.”
Check The File Size First
“For my first job as an attorney, I clerked for a state court of appeals. An appellate court reviews all manner of lower court decisions, including Family Law. Every single case that was sent to our court came with a ‘case file’ that included all the actions that the trial court took in the course of a trial, a transcript of all court proceedings, and briefs by all concerned parties. And, most often, you could immediately know what kind of case you were handling, simply by the size/thickness of that case file.
Usually, criminal cases had the thinnest files – 2-3 inches thick; a day or two of trial transcript, short briefs by the defendant and the state, and approximately 10-15 motions.
Civil cases were a little thicker because the frequent use of expert testimony made the trial, and transcripts were longer. And the lack of a constitutional right to speedy trial in civil cases allowed many attorneys to use procedural law and motions in a coercive manner, so there was a lot of paperwork. Usually, the parties briefs included a few more issues than you’d find in a criminal case; altogether, 5-6 inches thick.
This was a death penalty state, and we did have many such cases. These were serious felonies, and trials took a couple of weeks (so very thick transcripts), many required constitutional steps, and required a separate ‘trial’ for sentencing. These case files were maybe 12-15 inches thick.
Then there were the divorce cases. Appeals are not mandated in divorce cases, so my court only saw those divorce cases where the fighting between the ex-spouses couldn’t be resolved satisfactorily by the divorce court. In other words, at least one ex-wanted another opinion/chance at ‘winning’.
These case files took up drawers. These case files were measured in feet, not inches. The largest files were those where children were involved. In other words, these people wouldn’t co-parent, and so had to run back to the trial court for nearly every single disagreement: where and how to school, feed, clothe, practice religion, conduct extracurricular activities, etc. Repeatedly renegotiating child support. Repeatedly trying to change custody or visitation orders. Trying to control how the other parent managed his or her time with the child.
And every single one of these court proceedings cost money; lots of money. I handled one case where the father didn’t want the mother to give the child multi-vitamins. Hundreds of dollars in attorney fees over a Flintstone chewable.
These fights were really rarely about the kids; they were attempts to control the ex-spouse through the kids. And what these litigants never realized is that, by refusing to co-parent, they essentially were giving over their parental role to the judge. In their efforts to control one another, they lost all power and control.”
Timing Is Everything
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“I’m just an intern, but I once was sifting through discovery that our client provided, as he was trying to win custody of his son.
One of these pieces of discovery was a ‘detailed account of the mother’s timeliness.’ Basically, if the mother was late to pick up her son, they would time it and document it. Which would make sense if it was significant but I’m not exaggerating, over a 6-month period, she was late for a TOTAL of 33 minutes. Seeing as they met to exchange the child three times/week, it means she was late by about one or two minutes once a week. It was the most insignificant piece of data that I have ever seen in my entire life, but the client was adamant that we use it in court to prove that the mother was irresponsible.”
The Affects Of The Blame Game
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“I’m training to be a lawyer but I have a case in my own family right now.
Aunt and uncle are getting a divorce for various reasons – uncle supposedly had an affair with a woman he’d been in a relationship with before marrying my aunt, him harassing and verbally/physically abusing my aunt and her father the granddad (who lives with them) scaring their two kids and so on.
The divorce is mutual but the splitting up of assets, custody, etc isn’t. He’s tried everything in his power to claim everything he can from my aunt, from bank accounts to the house they lived in. My aunt moved away and lives in pretty much the middle of nowhere with her family at the moment to get away from it all.
Uncle is acting like a lunatic, aunt is frightened of him and the kids are terrified. He’s turned up at their school before demanding to see the kids, is abusive and nasty even at court (he yelled that he didn’t agree with what was going on at the last hearing and walked out — judge didn’t tolerate his attitude and literally just went ‘well too bad I don’t care what he thinks’).
He’s accused my aunt of being an unfit mother because she’s always at work (she’s a doctor and has a really senior and prestigious position and travels often) but the court found she’s fit enough. Then he tried to accuse the granddad of being unfit and dangerous as he’s 72, on the basis that he has weak eyes or something because he was involved in a car crash.
He even accused the granddad of abusing his 7-year-old kid and insisted that both kids were born of incest between the granddad and the aunt because they are too close. She’s his DAUGHTER, of course they’re close. He’s always been there for her and now he takes care of her kids when she’s at work. Just.. how.. what kind of messed up person do you have to be to go there?
The kids don’t want to see him but he has visitation, under supervision. My female cousin who is 11 cries when he is around and apparently on his last visit locked herself in the bathroom and didn’t come out until he had left. My 7-year-old cousin keeps muttering ‘I want to kill him.’ Can you imagine how devastating it is to hear a kid say that…
I’m not sure what’s going on there at the moment, just that the process is ongoing and he has visitation every two weeks or something. He’s petty and messed up and is trying to ruin any credibility my aunt and granddad have.
It’s petty and disgusting that he goes to such lengths and doesn’t really care about his own kids, he can’t see that they’re terrified and hate him. And I can see how much it’s affected them, they’re really withdrawn unless they’re with family members. How petty do you have to be to try and ruin the lives of your own kids?
I think my aunt and granddad are trying to stop visitation, which is difficult as he’s their father. But they’re hoping social services can see what a trainwreck this whole situation is and to not put the kids through this anymore. I think my granddad mentioned something about a psychologist.. the fact that my cousins have to deal with this at their age is just horrifying.
It’s petty when parents are too busy trying to ruin each other and don’t look at the effect it has on their children.”
When Lawyers Aren’t Good Enough
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“This happened to an attorney at the law firm I work for.
Husband and Wife fighting for custody of two children after bitter, ugly divorce.
-Wife made an account in the Husband’s name on Ashley Madison to try and show his infidelity in a way that could be presented in court.
-Husband responded by putting some kind of pesticide in all of the wife’s shampoos and conditioners causing her hair to thin and fall out like she had been picking it.
-Wife and her new lover (the youth pastor at their church) claimed husband had abused a girl at their church and the girl had told the youth pastor.
-Husband convinced one of their kids to say the mom had been starving the kids as punishment.
-Wife has youth pastor light husband’s car on fire.
-Last but not least – the original cause for the divorce: the husband cheated.
Wife got custody in the end and husband moved to Central America.”
That Was Unexpected
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“I had a client who negotiated to keep the marital home but had to make a 40k payment to her spouse as part of the deal.
I scheduled a meeting in my office, to be joined by my client, the adversary (ex-spouse), and opposing counsel. I confirmed with her repeatedly that she was coming to the meeting, and confirmed with her repeatedly that she was bringing a bank or cashier’s check for the amount, as specifically directed in the property settlement agreement.
The day comes and she’s running late. We’re sitting around my conference table passing time. A bunch of guys knock on the door to the conference room – they looked like they were movers, from the way they were dressed – and walk in, carrying duffel bags which they set down on my table. Lots and lots and lots of duffel bags. She had taken the money out in singles.
Opposing counsel was understandably livid. I informed my client that I would no longer be representing her.”
Honey, Who Pays For College?
“Parents didn’t let a kid get his college education because they were fighting over who was going to pay it. This includes cosigning on the predatory loans that everyone was rushing to sign up for.
The judge asked why either one didn’t bring this up 6 months earlier when they knew he was starting college. Both of them gave the same answer except their perspective, something like the other parent is to blame because they didn’t tell the other parent about the bills. Apparently, both knew about the bills and the deadlines for the previous 3 months and expected the other to pay for it. The case wasn’t raised in court until after the deadline for the next semester had passed.
The kid probably was forced to take loans on his own, god only knows his situation now. The parents ended up spending the same amount as the tuition each in lawyer fees just for them both to have to pay half the tuition.
Never get divorced.”
Hide Your Kids And Hide Your Tupperware
“My dad received full custody and won everything in the divorce because my mom was diagnosed with a multitude of mental problems that she refused to take medication for.
Anyways, after all that was said and done, she decided she’d show us. When we were gone she’d break into the house and steal random stuff like Tupperware lids. ALL of the Tupperware lids.
I kid you not, we came home from school and all of the forks were gone so we went to Walmart and bought forks. Came home with forks and all of the spoons were gone.
We found out she’d been getting in through my bedroom window so we put a lock on the window and put up security cameras.
Didn’t work out because 3 days later while we were gone we got her on video stealing, yes actually stealing, the window and running down the road.
Before you ask, yes we have a restraining order. Yes, we turned the tapes over to the cops. No, you can’t have a crazy person put into a mental hospital against their will unless they are a physical threat to themselves or others. Yes, she still randomly steals stuff from my dad’s house. It’s more of an amusement now though.
You always decorate the tops of your cabinets with stuff and forget about it so we play this game called ‘what used to be there.'”
The Wrong Side Of The Fence
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“I have been in family law for over a decade and the pettiest thing I have ever seen happen was that the wife from an affluent divorcing family had several trees planted on one side of a fence on the property and the husband wanted them planted on the other side of the exact same fence – about 5 feet from where the wife had them planted. He insisted that we file contempt against the wife for said tree plantings. They spent close to $50k in legal fees arguing over the stupid trees. It was incredulous!!! I have stories upon stories of people’s pettiness but this one will always stand out for me!!!
Another REALLY petty one was a dad buying a money order for child support every month but not actually giving them to the mom. He gave us copies of all of the money orders he bought as evidence of the support he paid but she claimed she had never received them. Well, that seemed stupid but no he had actually just kept them and then, like an idiot, gave the original month’s old money order to the mom to pay for the outstanding child support balance. He was definitely found in contempt!! People can be really ridiculous!!!”
What Happens In The Courtroom…
“The guy was straight out of jail (2 years) and of course, at that point, his marriage was rocky for sure. When his wife dropped his kids off to visit (he lived with his parents for parole purposes) the son said his uncle hit him. The father then filed a PFA against the wife and uncle. It was granted. Then he files for sole custody. It was granted. The kids were in his custody for about 2 months before the custody hearing.
Of course, my boss threw me the file and I had to handle the mediation and last minute prep.
At mediation, the father and wife sit angry eyed. Literally, each cross-armed and furious. The other lawyer and I discuss the facts and what arrangement each client wants briefly in another room. We come out and our clients are gone. Magically, and praise the Lord, in the course of 10 minutes of me and the lawyer talking, the father and mother made up, made out in the corner of the hallway and returned. The case was dropped.”
An Emergency Motion
“My first job out of law school was as a Trial Court Staff Attorney. This is basically a judicial law clerk, so we did a lot of research and advisory memos for judges. I didn’t cover a family law docket, but my office mate did.
She got an Emergency Motion in a family law case one time. For the non-lawyers, these are filed when something is EXTREMELY time sensitive and critically (like a matter of life and death) important. If the judge deems it a true emergency, your matter will be heard on an expedited basis…they’ll fast track you in for a hearing, usually in a matter of days, rather than the usual weeks/months it normally takes to get a hearing date.
Anyhow, this particular Emergency Motion was to compel the ex-spouse to send their child to Happy Faces Day Care, because if the child couldn’t go to Happy Faces Day Care, it was going to be irreparably damaged from the lack of social exposure, etc.
Emergency. Happy Faces Day Care.
Needless to say, this was NOT an emergency. I don’t know how the motion was ultimately ruled on, other than that it wasn’t an emergency.”
When The Lawyer Is Also The Father
“My grade school-aged son took an entrance exam for a gifted student program. He has been offered a spot in the program, but it will require switching to a different school (within the district) next year if he joins. The program is well regarded in town – one person whose kids went through it described it to me as a ‘quality private school education for free.’
I have to go to court in a few weeks to argue over whether our son should join the program. His mother – who signed him up for the test, and called it the most important day of his life – has now decided he shouldn’t join it. I don’t know why. She’s made some half-hearted arguments that he couldn’t handle it and that she’d have to do too much driving. But I suspect it’s just because I’m in favor of it.
This is getting me really down – it’s a great opportunity for our son, and she just doesn’t want to agree!”
It Doesn’t Always Work Out
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“The ex-husband didn’t want to pay what he owed his ex-wife. He thought to mess with her over by dragging on the process with appeals. He was not only hurting her but also his children. She desperately needed the money, and he knew that. Him dragging the process caused her to lose her job and have to move back with her parents. But once he paid she not only moved out but bought a house, no not just like applying for a loan and got a house.. straight out paid cash for a full house. In the end, he not only had to pay the full amount of what he owed but child support, his lawyer fees, AND her lawyer fees.”
Punishing The Kid
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“My dad almost wouldn’t let me get my passport as a minor to go on a student ambassador trip to Europe. My parents had been divorced for less than a year at that point, he was just pissed at my mom I think. I don’t know the salient details but he did eventually cave. Don’t give up hope.
And maybe point out to your ex that I’m 26 and clearly remember how upset that made me as an 11-year-old to this day. Maybe she’ll get the point that it’s just damaging the child.”