Skipping leg day? You can feel a little bit better about your gym sins after you read these hilariously embarrassing gym stories.
Freedom Of Expression, Man
“I worked at a YMCA gym for about a year, and this happened during my last week there. A young guy, about 16, came in as a guest of a member. Part of my job was to basically do laps around the gym to check on everything, and on one of my laps I see this guy has his shirt off. It’s policy to keep shirts on, so I ask him to put it back on. He says okay. I lap again, and the shirt is still off. Ask him again to put it on, he says okay. I’m rounding lap 3 and now I see his pants are off, too. Mind you I’m a 19-year-old girl at the time, and I ask him to please get dressed, and he proceeds to tell me that I can’t limit his freedom of expression or something. The boxers come off – the man is naked. I throw an exercise mat toward him, tell his friend to dear god please contain this guy, and run to get my boss (also a petite woman). We run back and basically surround him holding exercise mats, acting sort of like censor bars. We’re begging him to get dressed and he starts, I’m not kidding, doing karate moves, kicking and flailing around with his junk all everywhere. We eventually have his friend call his parents, he starts CRYING, and comes at my boss. At this point his friend takes him down and we call the police.” (Source)
Gonna Go Out On A Limb And Say Binge Eating Anything Before Working Out Isn’t A Good Idea
“I used to be obese, 5″4 180lb. So my mother decided to get me a personal trainer. At the time I was 12 or 13 and this girl trainer was beautiful. I would work so hard to impress her and when she could tell I was tired we would do a cool down. I wasn’t building muscle like I wanted to and so I asked my brother what to do. He told me vitamins were the answer. Without a second thought 10 minutes before my session I ate all of the vitamin C I could find and washed it down with orange juice. Went to my cardio session and tried my hardest to hold down the acidic mix I just put down. Did pretty good until the ladder drill came. Halfway through I couldn’t hold it anymore. Fluorescent orange throw up came out of my nose and mouth. I then slipped and landed in it. Needless to say my trainer was DEFINITELY impressed. Shortly after I asked my mom to withdraw me from the sessions and switch gyms.” (Source)
The Beanie Sums Up This Guy Real Well
“I saw some jerk who was supposed to be spotting for his buddy on the bench press, pull the bar back off of the uprights, after the person benching was clearly done with the set. The spotter was b_tching out his friend for being a p__*_y and not being able to do any more. The person benching was fighting the spotter, trying to get the bar back on the uprights, so the jerk (spotter) pushes the bar down, and continues to b_tch him out for not being able to get it off his chest. I was ready to go and help the benching guy right before the spotter finally lifts the bar off of his friend with one hand, acting all macho. Later, the same guy (spotter) was doing some dumbbell bench presses with some 80lb dumbbells, and he made it a point to throw them as far forward as he could when he was done. My gym has plastered ‘DON’T DROP THE WEIGHTS’ posters everywhere for assh_les like this guy. To top it all off, he was wearing a Monster energy drink beanie the entire time.” (Source)
Amazed But Disgusted Is The Perfect Description
“I worked at a gym for 6 years… one day an old man (65ish) came from the locker room and approached me. He said ‘I don’t know what I did in there, but it wont go down.’ and walked away. I went in, and the smell hit me instantly. The stall had a turd (NO exaggeration) the size of my arm, from the elbow to the fingertips. One turd. No break in the line. I was equal parts amazed and disgusted. When you flushed the toilet, the water would (try to) swirl around it and go down, revealing the monster in all of its girth. We let it sit there for a couple of days to soften up so we could push it down. It stank the whole time.” (Source)
EVERY Gym Has One Of These Guys
“Belonged to one gym and didn’t know anybody so pretty much kept to myself. There was the obligatory ‘very comfortable naked guy’ who would wander the locker room. He would try to talk to anybody who would listen (all while very naked) but most people would let the conversation peter (ha!) out and turn away. It was then he’d find a new person to make uncomfortable. One day it was my turn and he started talking to me as I was tying my shoes. I gave quick one word answers but he wasn’t moving. My brain decided to quote The Sandlot and before I could stop it, I said ‘you’re killing me smalls.’ I don’t think naked guy would’ve been offended had the locker room not erupted with laughter. He moved on and I felt bad, mainly because I’m sure most people didn’t even connect it with The Sandlot.” (Source)
Plot Twist!
“I once saw a guy come out of the locker room with a long piece of sh*t-stained toilet paper hanging from the waist band of his shorts. Since it was hanging from the back of his shorts he didn’t notice it for the hour he was there. He was one of those people who had just started working out recently and mistook the glances from others as looks of admiration. Interestingly enough, he stopped to flex in front of the mirror in between every set. Poor tool. That was me.” (Source)
Justice Was Served
I used to work at a Gym in Fort McMurray (Northern Canada). At this gym we kept our dumbbells on the ground, in little groove latch things because our rack kept breaking. The problem with this is you can easily trip on the handles. I’m also from England so I have a some-what pronounced accent. I was chatting up one of the women who came in, talking about her radio show. Some other guy came in, bald f_ck, signed the sheet and left to do some warm-ups. He apparently was jealous that I was causing her to laugh and enjoy herself, while he couldn’t. He started to yell out ‘OI. YOU BRITISH F_G!’ and got up and started to walk towards me. Remember what I said about the dumbbells? Yeah. He tripped over one, face planted on an exercise ball and then broke his nose when he bounced off of that. He then promptly left everything behind and ran out. He never came back for his stuff either and after having it for 3 months my boss said I could have his iPod and laptop. (Source)
Smooth Move
“I took a sip from the water fountain and as I stood up one tiny drop of water went down my windpipe. I knew I was going to cough and I tried to contain it. A very strong burst of mist came out of my pursed lips, right into the face of the girl waiting in line for the fountain. I went as red as a tomato and she kind of laughed and asked if I was ok. I managed to get a ‘I think so’ out as she politely dabbed her face with her towel. So embarrassing.” (Source)
I’m Imaging A Blowhole Type Scene
“I was on the treadmill just getting up to my second mile straight, which is my warm down from the rest of my routine, and I suddenly knew I was about to be sick. I jumped off the treadmill, leaving my stuff on it, and you know how you feel like you’re moving really fast just after coming off a treadmill? Well I did, went straight over on my back and projectile vomited right up in the air, and it came back down and landed on my face. Luckily, it was really watery sick with no chunks, so it didn’t take long to clean up. But it was a bad day.” (Source)
I Think The Word You’re Looking For Is “Leg Press”
“Went to a small town gym once, place was completely empty save for a cute, blonde girl working at the reception area. Decided to do some leg squats in million-dollar-man slow-mo style, in my warped teen soft-porn-fueled mind thinking this would somehow lead to ferocious love-making later on with said cute blonde girl. This wasn’t just any conventional squatting machine though, it required you to lay on your back and push the weights upwards. Anyhow, got on the machine and did a couple of motions, got up, loaded more weights on and repeated. This carried on until I clearly loaded on too much weight, but you cannot give up when trying to impress a girl, so I soldiered on. I got to about the third lift when I started heaving and making muffled groaning noises. Have to do one more lift! Lift, lift, LIFT dammit! And then it happened. A clear, unmistakable farting sound escaping and echoing in the very empty gym. Got up, threw my towel over my shoulder and walked out. That gym never saw me ever again.” (Source)
Kid Deserved It
My son and I were at the gym, a YMCA that regularly has mentally handicapped people use the facility. He’s almost 3, and we’re in the changing room together along with a guy who’s disabled and making a lot of loud vocalizations. Not words, more like shouts/grunts, I suppose because he was happy. He was there with an adult who I assume was family due to the resemblance. Anyhow, so there I am with my 3 year old across from this loud dude, and in come some young teens. They get undressed, and while doing so are making fun of the disabled guy. I shoot them some disapproving looks, but my son really nailed them. The locker room is filling up, and these guys are still being d*cks. One of the big-mouths is getting into his swim suit, when my boy points right at this kid and LOUDLY says ‘DADDY, WHO’S THAT LITTLE GIRL?’ I look at the boy, and I say ‘sorry son, I’m not sure who that girl is.’ His friends go nuts with laughter, telling him we think he’s a little girl and mocking his manhood. The disabled guy reacts to the laughing, and starts shouting “WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP GIRL HES A GIRLGIRLGIRL.” (Source)
Let This Be A Lesson In “Don’t Work Out With An Achilles Tear”
“Was on crutches (after tearing my achilles) doing a seated dumbbell shoulder press with my left arm (didn’t have enough balance with one leg to lift both). Got a little over zealous lifting it, whole bench rocked side ways until I hit the point of no return, accepted my fate, ate sh*t next to the bodybuilder next to me and concussed myself on his dumbbell.” (Source)
Couldn’t Wait Til’ You Got Home?
“We had one room containing beds for suntanning at my gym. Then we also had a large, out in the open, stand up spray-tan booth. One woman rented it for 10 minutes, which I clocked in and she started it. After 15 minutes passed, I noticed she was still in there. I knocked on the door. No answer. I knocked again and said that I would have to come in if she didn’t answer. No answer. I opened the door. She was shoving a vibrator up her you know what. When she saw me she pissed full stream, which scared her and me. She jumped, and I fell over. When she tried to leave she slipped on the piss and knocked herself out cold on the ground. The paramedics picked her up and carted her off.” (Source)
Ok, Who Didn’t Picture Tormund?
“I was minding my own business doing free-weights when this huge red-headed viking comes and sits at the bench next to me, grabs the biggest weight there, and then looks at himself in the mirror and starts screaming ‘YOU’RE A WARRIOR’ as he does his reps. I had to run out of the room so that I wouldn’t laugh my ass off at him and get torn in two by his inevitable viking fury.” (Source)
Clearly He’s Pretty Into Himself
“One time, I saw a very fit young Asian man bench pressing. He would bring the bar down to his chest, and then project some of the loudest grunting I’ve ever heard. The whole gym was looking at him. Then finally… on his last rep, he proceeded to get a full on erection through his tight gym shorts. He then hopped up and walked around waiting for his boner to go down before he laid back down to repeat. He did this probably 5 more times.” (Source)
Flawless Transition
“A pretty overweight dude was running at full speed on a treadmill when he lost his footing, slipped, and the treadmill pretty much slingshotted him off. But where it really gets good is how he recovered. He was on one of the back treadmills that’s just in front of the mats where people do ab workouts. He landed in such a way that he was basically laying perfectly on the mat. So instead of getting up, he just sort of started doing crunches like nothing even happened. So much win.” (Source)
That’s Some Pretty Bad Luck There
My personal worst: after my first shoulder injury I gave myself a few months rest from the gym, went back and started doing light weight lifting, when my arm got stuck in the raised ‘Nazi salute’ position. I tried to move it and was unable to dislodge it from that position. I had to walk all the way across the top floor of the gym and downstairs in front of a crowd of people. I then had to walk to my car which was parked in front of a synagogue (and yes as my luck would have it, they had just started milling out from services). (Source)