Middle school is one of those awkward phases where puberty hits and the fart jokes are rampant. These teachers share some of the cringiest things they've witnessed their students say and/or do. (Content has been edited for clarity)
This Teacher Wasn’t Ready To Be A Father
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“I used to teach middle school before graduating to teach high school. While I was in middle school, I had one awkward student in my last period that took a liking to me. He would stay after school every day just to hang out with me. He was always asking how he could help out after class, like cleaning the white board, putting chairs up, that sort of thing. We would usually talk while he did this.
One day he surprised me by saying, ‘I bet you’d be a really good dad. I think it would be awesome if you were my dad. Think of all the things we could do.’ I kind if laughed if off, because middle schoolers say a lot of weird things.
A couple of weeks go by. Same thing. He’s staying after school to hang out with me when he says, ‘You know you have a conference with my mom tomorrow,’ Ya… of course.. ‘She’s really cute. You’ll like her.’ Uh, what!?!?! ‘Maybe you guys can go out on a date!’
Needless to say, THAT was an awkward conference.”
Clean Up On Aisle 4
“I had a 7th-grade girl raise her hand and ask me to come to her desk. When I leaned over she asked quietly if she could go to the bathroom and gestured at her lap and muttered something I didn’t hear. Assuming that she started her period, fortunately in dark black pants, I let her leave of course.
When she comes back, she stands next to her chair for the rest of the lecture and leaves quietly at the bell. Next class comes in, and, while I’m straightening up and standing in the hallway, the student who was assigned the same seat as that girl grabs some paper towels and starts cleaning up. There is a huge puddle in the chair and on the floor.
It suddenly occurs to me, the dense teacher, that this poor girl had peed her pants, in 7th grade. I told the boy that someone spilled their tea/water and tried to get him to stop cleaning it up, but he was like, nope. Already done. He had just mopped up some girl’s pee! I told him to wash his hands in case the ‘tea’ was sticky and let it go.
I asked the girl the next day if everything was okay. She was so amazed that nobody even noticed. Thank goodness for unobservant teachers and students that day. But watching that boy clean up pee has haunted me. He was almost done when I realized what was going on, but still.”
This Kid’s Hilarious Typo Had The Teacher Falling Out Of Their Seat
“I had my eighth graders doing a project on colonies. They were researching using Chromebooks and I had one of my boys raise his hand and tell me he didn’t understand the images he was seeing. Me being 8 months pregnant, I told him to bring his Chromebook to my desk. He told me he’s trying to find an image for the religion of the Virginia colony for his slideshow.
I look at his chrome book, myself confused for a second trying to work out the images, then I look at his search bar and I see it. Poor kid is looking so confused right next to me staring at these pictures and I say, as delicately as I can, ‘I think you made a typo,’ and he looked at his search bar and turns absolutely white…
He’d meant to type ‘Virginia Religion,’ but he typed the name for a lady’s privates instead. That word was now just blazing from the screen. He immediately slams the Chromebook shut and raced back to his desk. I tried so hard not to laugh, but I couldn’t hold it in, I was at my desk practically crying as other kids are wondering what the heck is going on. This poor student who always tries to play up his bad-boy persona was so embarrassed, he even sheepishly came up to me later to ask if he was in trouble. I told him it was very obviously an accident so not to worry about it. Thankfully school protections stopped a lot of the more graphic images from popping up and I had to let the VP know that it was an innocent mistake since his search got flagged. I never had a behavior issue with him again, I think he appreciated the fact that I laughed about it rather than making it more awkward.”
Best One-Liner In Middle School History
“A 6th-grade boy called another boy ‘Gay.’ That boy responded by saying, ‘I’m not gay, if I was gay I’d be touching your balls right now!!'”
This Kid Had Some Weird Grooming Habits
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“I had a 6th-grade student who dressed like Kid President. Suit jacket, dress shirt, and tie. One day, he took off his suit jacket, took out some deodorant, and applied the deodorant to his still-clothed armpits.”
There Were No Standing Ovations For This Screaming Performance
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“I teach 8th grade, the last year before high school in the district. Towards the end of the year, high school students come down to tell the 8th graders about student council and a few weeks later, we have an election for president, Vice President, Secretary, and treasurer.
This one student who was a total burnout ran for every position. My colleagues and I were all surprised and somewhat hopeful that the opportunity had sparked an interest in him.
The day of the election, all of the 8th-grade students are in the auditorium to hear the candidates give their speeches. They are supposed to be 30 seconds-1 minute long and the candidates are encouraged to be serious and explain what they hope to accomplish if elected.
This kid gets up on stage and gives his speech, which consists solely of screaming into the microphone for an entire minute. No one laughed. No one clapped. It was simultaneously hilarious, terrifying, awkward, and painful.
The principal pulled him aside and told him that if he did it again during his second speech, he would get a detention. The kid nodded his head, and when his second speech rolled around, he screamed for about 4 seconds before the principal snatched the mic from him and sent him to the office.”
It Was All “Heave Ho!” On This Class Boating Trip
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“The eighth grade class at my school would go on a whale watch.
We all were informed that if we had not been on a boat before, we should take motion sickness medicine to help with sea sickness as the boat was not massive and it was an issue every year.
Well, there were these three kids that I grew up with that were like the Three Stooges. Let’s call them A, B & C. A decided to not take the medicine, thinking it would be funny.
We left on the boat and went out and saw a few whales. It was a good time. We started to make our way back after being out for a few hours and as expected, kid A started to not feel so hot.
He complained to one of the chaperones and they told him to go up to the open deck to get some fresh air. Kid B and C followed him up there are started to egg him on at this point, telling him all sorts of messed up stuff. ‘Dude, picture this purple oozing lady parts with ants crawling out of it.’
‘Imagine a poop filled rubber exploding on your face.’ You know, typical middle school boy stuff.
Now this kid A is absolutely pale white, but 100% reluctant to throw up as there were quite a few kids up on deck at this point. Kid B (easily the sickest and twisted person I knew in my entire youth) was getting desperate to make his buddy A yak in front of everyone. So he did what any good friend would do and stuck his finger down his own throat and threw up, all over kid A’s shoes, an ungodly amount of this red orangey vomit. Instantly, kid A freaking lost it and let out another bucket load of some white clam chowderesque vomit. Kid C at this point was in tears, but Kid B didn’t want him to feel left out. So he stuck his finger in kid A’s pile of chowder vomit and ate a glop. To which kid C caved and added to the collage with his own brand of this brownish looking bile.
At this point, all the teachers and chaperones panicked and were scrambling to get all of my classmates and me off the deck and into the cabin before we all lost it. And to make matters worse, the vomit proceeded to drift all over the deck with each swell and drip down over the edge onto to deck below. It was amazing. We would all watch out the window as we took a roll and a cup of puke would fall off each side of the boat, chumming the waters.
They were so proud of each other on the bus ride home.
I think they stopped whale watches for a few years after our class.”
These Failed Jokes Causes This Teacher To Facepalm
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“The most common cringe-inducing activity is the Naruto run. Every year there are still 4-5 boys that exclusively travel through the halls with their arms raised behind them.
Second place is when kids say a joke and no one hears them or they don’t pick up the social cue that no one thought it was funny, so they say it like 10 more times. ‘Hey, that’s a spicy meatball!’ (no response) ‘Hey, that’s a spicy meatball!’ ‘Hey, that’s a spicy meatball!’ ‘Hey, that’s a spicy meatball!’ ‘Hey, that’s a spicy meatball!’
Meanwhile, I’m going insane at my desk with my teacher ears that hear everything. Someone, for the love of God, please answer him!”
Custodians Are The Real Heroes
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“My wife is a 4th-grade teacher and she tells me stories all the time, but this one almost made me throw up.
She was teaching and started to smell poop and thought alright someone was just farting, no biggie. After a few minutes, the kids all started making faces cause they smelled it too. Finally, one kid caught my wife’s attention and had poop in his hands while sitting at his desk. Turned out he obviously farted and accidentally pooped his pants but decided to stick his hand in his pants because he didn’t believe what happened and didn’t know what to do with it cause he was clearly embarrassed.
My wife had to call the custodian to clean up the area.
Let me tell you, the crap these custodians do on a daily basis is incredible. They’re the real heroes.”
This Kid Is Just Too Creepy For Words
“My wife works as a 7th grade ELA teacher. There is a kid in her school that everyone is afraid of (including teachers). He has very morbid thoughts and has no issues sharing them with everyone. When classmates share how their weekend went, he discusses how he loves killing people in his video games and how good he is at doing it, etc. A few weeks ago on a Monday, said student returned my wife a loaner pen that was given out. ‘Thank you,’ she said.
He repliedd, ‘No, thank you! I’ve slept with it under my pillow all weekend because it smells like you!’ He has since been assigned a new ELA teacher that is actually across the hall. Since then, he had to get his desk moved in that classroom because he would be caught staring into my wife’s classroom for the entire class.
BONUS FACT: They had parent-teacher conferences and his single-parent father is equally as sketched out by his own son.”
This Teacher Lost Faith In Humanity A Bit During This Lunch Break
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“I witnessed a hilariously cringy moment last Friday while supervising an 8th-grade lunch. I watched as a student, let’s call her Mia, arrived at the table she normally sits at and set her tray down. In that moment, there was a discussion that another boy had already taken that spot and he had just run up to grab something. Instantly, tears filled her eyes and she snatched her tray to head across the lunchroom to a different table. Mia got about five steps away when a boy, Chad, from the table went, ‘Mia! Wait!’ My heart filled as I imagined some act of kindness, some reminder that 8th graders are actually human.
Mia turned with a Medusa-like glare and shouted, ‘What!?’
Chad pointed to her tray and asked, ‘Are you going to drink your milk?'”
“I Could Probably Write A Book With The Cringey Moment I’ve Experienced”
“I’m a 7th-grade math teacher here and I could probably write a book with the cringey moments I’ve experienced. Here’re a few:
Had a student who went to the bathroom and came back and had a watermark or something on her butt. Her friend proceeded to scream, ‘Ewwww! YOU HAVE “MAN JUICE” ON YOUR BUTT!’ In front of the whole class, I was disgusted. I ended up speaking with her outside and asking if she would say that to her grandmother and she realized she had screwed up.
This year, I had a student ask me MULTIPLE TIMES if I would call him Big Daddy.
During my first year teaching, one of my students said, ‘Ms. your pencil sharpener sucks!’
So I jokingly said, ‘Well, you suck!’ Not one of my brightest teaching moments.
He then replied, ‘Well, you swallow!’ I was mortified, he was mortified and I told him to never speak to me like that again and prayed he never told his parents about the exchange.”
This Kid Wanted A Bizarre Reward For Doing Well On This Math Test
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“I was teaching 7th-grade math. My kids had all done really well on a recent test and I asked them for suggestions for a class reward. Kids starting shouting out ideas. ‘Chips!’ ‘Pizza!’ ‘Candy!’ Out of the back of the room, a kid who normally is pretty quiet yells out, ‘Let’s get our man parts up!’
The class loses it. They all start laughing while the kid who yelled was repeating, ‘I meant DOUGHNUTS! I MEANT TO SAY DOUGHNUTS!’
It took a good 10 minutes to get control of the room back. Kid was pretty embarrassed, but I did my duty and managed not to laugh. Stopped taking reward suggestions after that.”
This Student Might Need Some Serious Therapy
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“I have a student who has:
-Snorted cornstarch in science.
-Repeatedly asked for illegal substances in class, ate his paper when told to stop.
-Ripped off one of his sleeves, and tied it around his head.
-Stuffed a sweater in his pocket, then directed me to ‘touch his sweater’ bulge.
-He randomly runs across the room on all fours, then back to his seat.
-He threatened to create a ‘shank to stab apples’ while ominously staring at me. It was weird.
-Sometimes, he takes his shirt off.
-I had to take an empty pop can from him because he was chewing on it. When it tore and exposed a sharp edge, he said he hopes it cuts me.
The kid is seriously odd.”
This Weird App Almost Caused Broken Phones
“I was walking out of the library during lunch and I see a group of 7th-grade boys standing in a circle dropping something over and over again laughing. As I passed them, I see that it looks/sounds like a phone being dropped, I assume it’s just a phone case. I stop, then as I’m standing there the boy next to me drops his phone from shoulder height. I’m talking newer iPhones/Samsung phones.
‘What are you guys doing?’ I askedd
He told me, ‘It’s a new app Timmy (8th grader)showed us, when you drop the phone the app makes a funny noise.’
I gave them the look and said, ‘I think someone might be trolling you,’ and went on my way.
I had one of the boys in class later that day, he explained they discovered you could just wack the phone with your hand and it would make the funny sound.
I haven’t had the chance to find the app or discuss it with Timmy yet, but I’m looking forward to it.”
Little Tommy Had A Weird Problem
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“My mom was a Special Education teacher for years. One day, she had turned around to help a student, and in that brief time, a commotion started brewing because Tommy, for unknown reasons, started licking the floor and he was refusing to stop. Some kids explained they were saying mind your own business and some kids were telling Tommy to get up off the floor. Tommy was absolutely refusing to stop, one kid got particularly upset and shouted, full volume, ‘I HOPE YOU CATCH SOMETHING FROM THE FLOOR AND DIE!’ At which point my mom turned away and investigated.
That’s pretty much the end of the story. My mom just asked all the kids what was going on and told Tommy to get off the floor and take a seat, and apparently, everyone just went on with their lives.”
This Kid Was Willing To Do Anything For $30
“I’m a substitute teacher and I work in a middle school that my mom teaches at. Every single day I go to work there, I observe the WEIRDEST stuff. I once had to call my mom to come to the class I was teaching because I honestly couldn’t figure out what to do with a boy who stood up and just pissed himself. Randomly just stood up, said, ‘Hey… Friends, countrymen,’ then peed in his jeans.
Apparently, he was dared to do it for $30 bucks (WHERE DO THEY GET THIS MONEY, JESUS?). I couldn’t stop laughing, I had to hide my face behind a binder or something while I got ahold of myself. I wasn’t laughing because it was funny exactly, more because I felt like it was such a demented thing to do, I was borderline horrified.
Moral of the story is I’m a 22-year-old senior in college who is super glad I work with my mom because kids are weird as heck.”
This Teacher Saves All The Evidence Of This Student’s Prank
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“This isn’t one instance – it’s just daily. My students draw man parts on everything. It’s almost like in the movie ‘Super Bad.’ I legit have a collection of a man’s junk drawings ranging from stick figures to scientific journal quality.
I was out for personal reasons for three days. When I came back the kids had drawn man parts on the back of all our computers with sharpies.
It’s like they are obsessed.
And before you ask, I save the pictures for evidence in case I need to use them in a parent-teacher meeting. That, and they make me laugh really hard.”
This Probably Wasn’t The Best Way To Make Friends
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“I watched one of my students break apart an eraser, you know the big pink kind, and then proceed to put all the pieces in her mouth and fire them out like a weapon at the boy sitting next to her. When I asked her why she told me it was because she wanted to be his friend.
Kids…”
Both Of These Teachers Just Couldn’t Catch A Break
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“My wife taught in a middle school. She’s pretty petite (5’2”) so she could blend in with the student populace if she wasn’t careful. Walking in the hall one day, a 7th-grade boy walks by her and goes ‘DANG GIRL, THAT BUTT IS LOOKING FINE!’ (It probably was.) When she wheeled around to face him and he saw her teacher’s badge, he just about crapped himself. She didn’t get him in trouble because it was such an insane circumstance that she felt a little bad for him and how mortified he was. She was just kind of like, ‘I don’t need to tell you how bad you just messed up, right?’
He was just pleadingly, saying, ‘I am so, so sorry.’
She let him off with a, ‘You really, really need to respect women more than that.’
When I myself was in 8th grade, we were in history class and being monstrous to the teacher, talking over her, not paying attention, etc. She finally loses her patience and flips out on us. She said something along the lines of, ‘WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE YOU GUYS PAY ATTENTION??’
To which my friend Logan replied, ‘You can take off your pants.'”
At Least The English Teacher Found No Fault In This Student’s Smut?
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“There was a student, kinda flamboyant, nice kid and super social. Too social for a lot of middle schoolers. He wrote a smutty story that included himself and three other students. It was found when he dropped a page of it in English class and one of the students saw their name and started reading it. It was very, very detailed.
That worst part was that each of the students who were written about and their parents were informed and shown the story. And somehow it got out.
The English teacher at the time said it was a good read and had no grammatical errors.”