One Man Had To Argue He LIVED In This House, While This Crazy Old Woman Claimed He WORKED There

Everything Started Off Normal Until A Random Lady Entered His Life

It was the start of adulthood for one young Reddit user, who we’ll call Doug, after he officially became a homeowner and graduated college. Now, he needed time to figure out what his next steps should be. He figured working on his new house would give him some clarity on what to do for the rest of his life.

Well, one eccentric neighbor of his mistook him for a simple worker and she didn’t like the way he was working on HIS house. The argument that ensued could be heard from blocks away and the entire neighborhood would talk about what this crazy lady did next for years to come.

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All Work And No Play

Doug inherited his house from his mother after college because she decided it was time to start life fresh overseas. He was thankful for the opportunity because he wasn’t sure what he wanted to do next anyway. After college, a job is supposed to come naturally, but for Doug, he needed a little bit more time to sort his head out. For the time being, he decided he’d work for a house painting company to at least make a little cash in the meantime. With his new schedule, he’d have at least a day or two off to do whatever he wanted. That’s when he noticed his own house could use a few touch-ups, and, because of his new expertise in painting homes, he figured who better to do it than himself.

After finding his stash of leftover brushes and paint, he grabbed a nice, cold brewski and decided to start prettying up his home. He wore a stained wife-beater-type tank top with an old pair of painter’s jeans. He knew whenever you wanted to do housework, you need to dress as dirty as possible because things were about to get messy. He had no idea how his decision to dress down would impact the rest of his day.

This Woman Had A Bone To Pick With Him

He started working on covering the frame of his front door in primer. He noticed that he kept having to wipe away sweat to keep it from getting into his eyes. He soon finished putting on the primer and decided to take a few minutes to let it dry. He grabbed a bottle from his handy cooler and sat down on his front porch steps. He stretched and took a moment to relax on this hot, but otherwise, beautiful day. As he was sitting, he noticed what looked to be a middle-aged woman and her dog glaring at him from the end of his driveway. Doug couldn’t help but notice she seemed…perturbed about something. He noted she had a very obvious “can-I-speak-to-your-manager” haircut and her face in such a twisted pout that it looked like she had just eaten 12 lemons before going on a walk with her pooch.

Just to be a friendly neighbor, Doug called out, “Cute dog!” That was apparently the wrong thing to say.

“HOW DARE YOU DRINK ON THE JOB ON THIS NICE PROPERTY,” the woman screamed. “YOU DON’T DESERVE TO SIT THERE AND WASTE THE HARD EARNED MONEY OF THE WELL EDUCATED PERSON THAT OWNS THIS PLACE!”

Doug was immediately taken aback. Job? He didn’t deserve to sit there? Hard-earned money? Did this lady seriously think he was working on this house? HIS house? Doug continued to look at her, perplexed, and wondered what in the world possessed her to bother him on this otherwise pleasant day. Then, of course, she still had plenty of words left for him.

She Called Him A “Lazy, Freeloading Immigrant”

“UNEDUCATED, LAZY, MENIAL, FREELOADING, WASTED IMMIGRANTS LIKE YOU ARE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS COUNTRY!”

Okay, this lady had gone too far, Doug thought. But also…was she blind? Doug looked down at his pale skin and wondered what made her think “immigrant.” With his blond hair and green eyes, the only immigrant he could pass for would be a Norwegian one. Had he maybe tanned that much this early into the summer? Probably not. This woman was probably just the craziest person he’d ever meet.

Even though she was still at the bottom of the driveway, Doug could see a single vein popping out of her forehead. Realizing that this nutter wasn’t going to leave on her own, Doug decided to make his way down to her, but not before grabbing another bottle from the cooler. When he was finally a few feet away from her, Doug noticed how her cute dog was trying to come up and say hi to him. He couldn’t help but smile at the poor pooch. “You’ve got one crazy owner, huh?” Doug thought to himself. Right on cue, the woman spat out, “WELL, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?”

As the lady continued screaming, Doug realized just how much bigger he was than this woman. However, who was the one with enough guts to scream at a complete stranger? This tiny lady. Doug figured he’d have to try to talk down to this woman in order to get anywhere, and he was ready to have the most interesting argument of his life.

He Couldn’t Believe The Words Coming Out Of Her Mouth

“Hello ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Doug asked innocently.

The crazy woman scoffed at him. “YOU. Sitting there, wasting the homeowner’s money so you can get paid to be lazy and drink on the job.”

Doug raised his eyebrow at her. Time to have a little fun at her expense, he thought. “Oh, I’m being paid? Seems odd, I didn’t feel the need to pay myself for this, but I suppose that could be fun to try,” he quipped.

She was instantly taken aback and sputtered out, “Pay yourself? Don’t make me laugh. Some deadbeat like you couldn’t afford this house. You need an education for a real job.”

This is where Doug started to get more ticked off than amused. This woman didn’t know anything about him, she just assumed he didn’t work his butt off for four years to get an education. Doug also wondered where in the world this fixation on needing an education came from. But alas, he continued:

“Well, I didn’t buy this house, my mother did. She left it to me when she moved overseas after I graduated from college.”

This made the woman smile, but definitely not a friendly one. She continued in a mocking tone, “Oh, did you go to a local community college? One that’s known for not being that great? Only someone working as a painter would go there.”

Doug shook his head and laughed. He was ready to shut this lady down.

“Actually, if you look at my shirt, you’ll see it says ‘Ivy League School Athletics,’ which is where I attended school and played a sport. I’m in good shape because of that, so I figured I would keep that up by working on improving my own home while having a few drinks to cool off in this heat. Did you attend community college? Because if so, I can see how you might not be able to understand that.”

With that last zinger, the woman’s eyes grew wide. Her mouth dropped basically to the ground, and Doug couldn’t help but snicker because she reminded him of some old person who’d lost all their teeth. Doug would stop laughing at what this lady would do next, though.

What She Spat Out Proved She Needed To Be Stopped

It turned out the reason why the woman was contorting her mouth in such a strange way was because she was ready to literally spit out her next insults. The crazy woman threw her head back and Doug felt like these next few moments happened in slo-mo. This woman leaned forward and spat the largest loogie he’d ever seen right on his shirt.

She spat out (in a different way, no less offensive way), “You probably stole that from someone you ungrateful piece of crap.”

The first thing Doug thought of was, “Ew. Germs?” Second thought: “What in the world would possess me to steal somebody else’s ‘property,’ let alone their ‘shirt?'” Then, he realized he just needed to walk away from this insane situation and turned around to bid her adieu. Sadly, Doug wasn’t getting off that easily.

The lady grabbed the back of Doug’s shirt and used all her tiny might to turn Doug around. She obviously didn’t realize a tiny 5′ woman against a 6’2″ giant isn’t going to favor the tiny woman, but she kept trying to bring him back nonetheless. Doug stood his ground like a rock, but he wanted this lady off his lawn, right freaking now. After the 10th tug on his shirt, Doug turned around and smacked the woman’s hand off his shirt. She, of course, looked at him in disbelief as he began to walk back to his house. That’s when this lady caused a scene that got the whole neighborhood talking.

The Neighbors Couldn’t Wait To Get A Load Of This

The screaming woman threw herself onto the ground in the greatest tantrum that Doug had ever seen. As he watched her flop onto the ground, it reminded him of a premier league soccer goalie trying to stop the ball from getting in. He blinked a couple times as he watched the woman writhing around on the ground, screaming at the top of her lungs. She apparently forgot about her sweet pooch and the kind pup went over to Doug for some nice pets and a much friendlier attitude than his crazy owner. As she continued her toddler-like tantrum, Doug knew in his heart that this woman wouldn’t go away quietly. Thankfully for him, he wouldn’t even need to call the cops. Her yodeling and howling could be heard from down the block, and Doug’s next door neighbors, a couple, walked out to see what the commotion was.

Doug explained that he didn’t know who in the world this woman was, but she apparently had a problem with him working on HIS house. The neighbor couple shook their heads in sympathy. They were more than happy to help when Doug asked if they could use their phone to call the cops — his phone was still inside charging — and stared at the woman with Doug as she continued, despite the fact that she’d obviously noticed that he was calling the authorities.

Doug got back to work while the neighbors went back to their porch and pulled up a chair to watch this woman continue to incriminate herself. A few minutes passed by when Doug suddenly hears the “whoop-whoop” sound of an approaching cop car. He went back to his driveway to witness the takedown of this lady, who’d clearly fallen off her rocker. Even though he thought he couldn’t be surprised anymore, what the cops did once they arrived shocked him.

It’s No Surprise Her Records Showed Her True Craziness

The cops approached the howling woman. Apparently, they were the audience she’d wanted all along because she started screaming louder, if that was even possible, and continued her tantrum. She started hurling insults at the officers for taking so long as if SHE was the one who called the cops, not Doug. According to the tale that she spun the officers, Doug was apparently a heavy drinker and just squatting in the house, while also working for whoever “actually” owned it at the same time. Both the cops and Doug just raised their eyebrows at her. No one believed her.

She paused and continued the story, adding some pretty bizarre, but hilarious details. Apparently, Doug started “chasing her with a baseball bat” and “broke her arm in multiple places,” and that was the reason she kept rolling on the ground, “howling in pain.” She kept jabbing her finger toward Doug but the cops kept staring at her with tired faces. One cop simply said, “Look Pam, we’re just going to take you back home now, okay?”

Doug thought it was strange the cop seemed to already know her name. That’s when he learned this wasn’t the first time she’d run into the law. Apparently, this crazy lady’s name was Pam and she was known in the neighborhood for being the nutty old woman who cried wolf. She picked fights with strangers and always played the victim card, but the cops were onto her the minute Doug described what was happening on the phone. The cops weren’t the only ones tired of Pam’s shenanigans either.

The cops cuffed her and threw her in the back of the car while instructing her to call her husband to come pick up the dog. Until the husband showed up, Doug just chilled with the pooch on his front porch. Eventually, a haggard looking man walked up Doug’s driveway. The man “apologized profusely” to Doug for Pam’s actions, explaining that Pam was EXTRA crazy toward him because they were in the middle of divorce proceedings.

Later, Doug learned that Pam had been charged with trespassing and disorderly conduct. He never saw her again, for which he was quite thankful. Her ex-husband, however, became one of Doug’s very best friends. He even still saw the cute little dog from time to time. All in all, things worked out quite well for Doug. “All’s well that ends well,” Doug wrote and for him, everything certainly did.