It's amazing how terrible some people can at working. Not certain jobs, but all of them. Stupid people, stupid employees.
(Content has been edited for clarity.)
Never Trust A Line Cook
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“A few years ago I was a kitchen manager at a place in Charlotte, N.C. I don’t know if it is common knowledge or not, but substance abuse in kitchens is widespread, and most of the time accepted. That being said, I had a line cook who had come in tweaked out on blow. He came to me, explained the situation, apologized, asked if he could run somewhere and come in a little later in ‘better shape.’ It was slow, and most of the prep was done so I said he could have an extra hour.
He comes back 45 minutes later and is calmed down, stopped shaking and had a grin on his face. He was one of my better line cooks, so I was glad to see that I didn’t have to reprimand him. We begin the dinner service, and everything is running smoothly when I look across the line, and he begins to look as if he’s falling asleep while working the grill. He assured me that he was fine. Fifteen minutes go by, and I see him collapse, landing with his face and arm on the grill. HE DOESN’T EVEN WAKE UP. I run across the kitchen and push him off; skin melted to the grill. As he hits the ground, he wakes up and says, ‘Aw crap, chef, may I go to the hospital?’
The smell was horrific. At 7 p.m. on a Friday night, we closed the restaurant, opened all the doors and windows and cleaned up the mess. (We bought new plates for the grill, don’t worry). As I’m doing my order for the next day around 10 p.m., he comes back in, bandaged up and says ‘Chef, can I help with anything?’ Astonished, I couldn’t reply. And he continued to explain that he went to his dealer’s house and got a ‘metric ton of pills’ snorted it so he could calm down and he just nodded out. ‘But its okay, they gave me morphine so I can still work, and I’m an idiot so don’t worry about workers comp, I just want to keep my job.’
Two weeks later he returned to work, sober and hasn’t touched a substance or had a drink since. I arranged so that his hospital bills were paid, but he had no paid time off. One of the best employees and craziest dudes I will ever meet.”
Lunch Thief
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“There was this lady at my first job out of college who would sneak away into the lunch room, which was in the basement of the building and steal lunches. She’d go through all of them taking bites or eating it all. If she took a bite of something she didn’t like, she’d throw it in the garbage. Staff would come downstairs to find their lunches devoured or in the trash with one bite taken out of it. This all came to a head one day when some guy was up in arms after his meatloaf sandwich fell victim to the Asian lunch thief. He ended up catching her, she was fired, and keyed everyone’s cars.”
Junkyard Cat
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“We own a salvage yard (junkyard), and we usually have a few cats around. Every now and then one of these cats will claim us and live in the office. We feed it, take it to the vets, and it becomes our junkyard pet cat. One particular cat was awesome, and all the guys loved this cat, even the burly guys. They would all share their lunches with the cat.
This one guy that used to work for us was a real jerk. One day he decided that he didn’t like the cat anymore. He took a can of spray paint and painted the poor kitty. All over, head to tail. When the cat came into the office, my husband, who is the boss, went ballistic.
The first thing my husband did was wash the cat off as best as he could. Then he went into the shop and raised Cain. Screaming at everyone until a new guy finally told him that he saw Jim paint the cat. My husband was raging and wanted to mess up this guy, but instead, called the cops and filed animal cruelty charges and fired him on the spot.
This guy had the balls to file for unemployment for unlawful termination. He was denied several times but kept opposing the judgment. We fought his argument all the way to the highest level of State review, where he was granted full unemployment benefits. The reason was, even though he broke the law while at work, it doesn’t (didn’t) state in our handbook ‘no spray painting of cats’ or ‘no unlawful activities at the workplace.’ We thought that would have been a given.
The guy finally got his though. He’s serving a year in jail for fleeing from the police while trashed.
The cat lived for several more years. One guy would always come in on Sunday to feed her, and he found her dead. She had died in her sleep, in the box filled with blankets that they kept for her.”
They Are All Terrible
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“I’ve had a few crazies over the years. Let’s start by saying that, at my bookstore, the general manager is so anti-confrontational, that you have to wig out completely on a customer to get fired. She is also a horrible judge of character, so we had (and have) some real ‘winners’ on staff. Past crazies:
‘Darlene’: Older woman in her late 50s/early 60s. One of those employees that is slightly annoying because she can’t seem to remember how to do anything, but isn’t too bad. Then she starts showing off the weapon that she keeps in her purse. On the sales floor. In a town where there is no need to carry a weapon 24/7.
‘David’: a Foreign guy from South America who was going to the local university for a law degree. He would corner the music manager and declare his undying love for her. He was a huge partier and came in one morning talking about how he had to get his car’s wheel fixed because he was driving home, got a flat tire and didn’t want to stop, but couldn’t figure out why sparks were coming from it. The idiot was driving on his rim. He also did blow and did some on the clock.
‘Chris’: Your classic creeper. Pedo glasses, slightly overweight, bad comb-over. He told everyone that he was ex-black ops, that he had written a book that had been picked up by Tor (but wouldn’t be published that year because they didn’t want to compete with Harry Potter), and that he was getting offers to write some screenplays. He harassed every younger female on staff, despite all of us telling the general manager. Was eventually fired after threatening to kill a guy who was browsing the sports section, because he put a book back in the wrong spot.”
Maybe It’s Just A Different Culture
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“I had a coworker once who was just ridiculous.
First, he was a newly arrived immigrant from Senegal, so some of this is probably cultural differences.
- He didn’t shower. Seriously; this was at a summer camp, so we were there 24 hours a day. He didn’t shower.
- In lieu of showering, he just used Axe body spray. Lots of it. Yes, this was when we were in high school.
- Similarly, he did not brush his teeth. Instead, he used mouthwash probably four or five times a day. He had a little bottle of it that he carried in his pocket.
- Ridiculous lies. He claimed that in Africa, he was circumcised with a knife and then sent out into the jungle for a month to survive on his own. He claimed that he had a Hummer but didn’t like to drive it because he didn’t want someone to steal it. He claimed to have hooked up with most of our female coworkers but that he made them swear to not talk about it.
- He regularly wore a bathrobe instead of a shirt.
- He would hit on anything that moved, and could not read the rejection signs. The worst was when the mother of one of our campers complained that he got her number from the 7-year-old camper and had called her over the weekend.
I’m sure there’s more that I have blocked out of my memory; I’ll add to this later.”
Party Animal
“I worked for a big company years ago as the shipping manager. One of the guys I hired was an ex-Russian army guy. He was pretty good, hard worker and all that. Still a little off, if you know what I mean. So one day he doesn’t show up and no phone call. The next day he calls me, and he sounds like he’s high. He’s in the hospital. After work, I go to the hospital (we were friends), and his whole right side is black as night. Not a stitch of white. Serious bruising. Broken leg and arm. I asked him what the heck happened and he told me that, he and his friends were ‘having a party’ in his fifth-floor apartment. He was arguing with one of his friends (as seemed to be a regular Russian thing for them to do). His friend was saying that he never follows through or something like that. So my friend stated that he always follows through. My friend says ‘If I told you I would jump out that window, I would.’ His friend says, ‘Hahaha, you wouldn’t dare.’ So crazy Yuri runs and leaps out the window, down on to the parking lot below. He spent over a month in the Hospital to prove a point. Ridiculous. He quit, and I didn’t see or hear from him until a year later he called me on the phone all wasted telling me I was Jesus. The end.”
Bring In An Experience Person Is Smart Business?
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“We have this one relatively crazy woman that works in her shop. She’s got a son who at the time of this story was around 16. This woman decided that her son needed some experience with an older woman so she went to one of the women in our accounting department who was around 60 or so and asked her if she’d be interested in hooking up with her 16-year-old son because she wanted his first time to be with someone experienced.
I kid you not, I was sitting outside our HR person’s office when the complaint was filed.”
Shopping Cart Dealer
“I work as a supervisor in a drugstore. One night one of my employees was seen letting someone walk out with hundreds of dollars of merchandise. A few minutes later he went outside to collect the shopping carts. I was reviewing the video evidence of this happening at the time, and on the phone with my store manager.
The employee was outside for a pretty decent amount of time. I hadn’t noticed right away because I was busy collecting the evidence, but my other cashier called me up and told me that he still hadn’t come back in, 15 minutes later. As I walked downstairs, he came back inside with one shopping cart, and the guy was high as a kite.
Because I am not a store manager, my hands were tied as far as what I could do at the time, so I just sent him home and kept someone else for the rest of the night.
The employee called me later (I happened to be best friends with his sister), and he started talking about how he hated snitches and that people should just leave other people alone. He was rambling on and on.
The next day the loss prevention manager was there, as well as my manager. The employee was terminated. It turned out that he would let his friends walk out with baskets of merchandise without scanning it. Then he would go to collect carts, and they would give him speed in payment for all the stuff.
He thought he had this master plan, and that he was sticking it to the man. It was really sad to see. Since then, the employee has been incarcerated and successfully completed rehab. I am glad to say that he is doing so much better now, and has apologized profusely for the entire incident.”
A Scary Accident
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“I own a construction company. We deal with underground hazardous containment. Six years ago a rigging company had a strap break, and a two-ton cylinder of cement rolled down an embankment and wedged onto one of my employee’s legs. The employee was looking the opposite way and was bent over wiring up a junction box on the ground. He had two broken legs and was bleeding horribly out of his feet, and he was pinned, chest down on the ground. The cement structure burst his toes open.
They had four paramedics, countless fire trucks, police, OSHA, and so on there. He was wedged. They were making a game plan on how to get him out without him losing his legs. The employee kept repeating ‘DO NOT GIVE ME BLOOD, DO NOT GIVE ME BLOOD, I CANNOT ACCEPT A DONORS BLOOD.’ This was his only concern! He didn’t ask to talk to his wife, kids, or even ask what his condition was, all he was kept saying is he did NOT want blood injected into his body. The fireman calls his wife, and after explaining the situation to her, she states to the fireman ‘DO NOT GIVE HIM BLOOD!’ It turns out the guy’s religion was the reason he could not accept blood. He was a Jehovah’s Witness. Luckily for him, medical staff and technology saved this guy’s life. He is now back to normal, (not working construction) and I still talk with him every once in a while. He no longer has to work due to a successful lawsuit he filed against the rigging company.”
Quite A Gift
“I worked at a new Fry’s that opened in my old town some years back. It was pretty bad initially, and they overworked employees.
The turnover was huge, and later a suit was filed against this specific Fry’s. In any case, when I started there was a blonde woman who I forget her name now, let’s call her Beth.
Beth was overly enthusiastic to the point of being incredibly annoying to any and every employee/customer. Beth was apparently also a pathological liar and frequently left her shifts early to do god knows what.
When she was fired, she came back with a nice, purple present. All wrapped up in a white bow and everything. It was meant to be an apology to the manager, but she quickly dropped it off and took off saying she was busy. It smelled like it had been doused in a gallon of perfume, but she seemed half crazed so whatever. The manager for her department at the time took it and opened it near the registers.
Inside was a lump of poo.
She pooped in a box and gave it to her manager.
As a gift of course.”
Sometimes It’s Better To Just Leave
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“I was training at a gas station. The first hour was the normal rush, and everything went normally. When the crowd died down, we started to settle in, and I started going through the normal routine with him.
As we’re talking, he pulls out a knife that’s several inches over the legal limit and a stone and starts sharpening the knife. I immediately say ‘You need to put that back in your car now and never bring it to work with you again. Carrying a concealed and illegal weapon is grounds for immediate termination if security or management sees that.’
His response: ‘Oh, Ok.’ He starts walking to his car, presumably to drop the knife off. And then he drives away, never to be seen again.”
A Psycho
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“I was a manager of a couple of departments for a local grocery chain a few years ago. I had a girl on one of my teams who was terminated for basically breaking every rule in the book – she sucked.
Even though I wasn’t the one who fired her, or made the decision (I didn’t have that power), she decided to take revenge on me.
A week after her termination I started getting calls on my cell phone from strange men wanting to hook up. It turns out she made a fake listing on Craigslist, soliciting me for hookups (I’m a woman). After much digging and convincing one of the strange dudes to assist me with getting evidence, I was able to make a police report. It’s a two-year felony to impersonate someone online/solicit them without permission (in Michigan, at that time).
The fun part is when the police wouldn’t press charges because it was a one-time thing. Yep. This girl endangered me by OFFERING ME FOR HOOKUPS ON CRAIGSLIST WITH MY CELLPHONE NUMBER, but it was a one-time thing.
I’m still angry.”
Bob Is The Worst
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“Bob lasted two weeks, which was about two weeks longer than he should have.
During orientation, he challenged me on several of our rules, many of them having to do with health and safety. He did not want to wear eye protection, or closed toed shoes since it was ‘too hot’ in our climate controlled manufacturing plant. He wore a Bluetooth headset which he proceeded to answer several times through orientation and when informed that personal cellphones use was only permitted during scheduled breaks he informed me that he was conducting ‘business’ and needed it.
This was when I decided Bob needed to go. However, HR and the Company president also needed to sign off on it and after three hours decided I had not given him a fair shake.
Bob was untrainable. He had one job to do, balance material in a centrifuge and made sure it was draining. We had charts posted outlining how many of what to put in and how to arrange things. So after working with him a day, showing him and overseeing him arrange and balance material, I was satisfied that I could leave him unattended for five minutes while I grabbed a washroom break. I was dead wrong. I started to hear the clanking of metal on metal and ran back to shut down the machine to find that it was not loaded or balanced properly. When asked why he loaded it against regulation he said ‘It takes too long to arrange everything.’ Still, nobody wanted to get rid of him except me. So as the GM of a manufacturing plant, I spent the next week with BOB babysitting him as he loaded a centrifuge until I finally had to leave him to do my actual job. In under a half hour, from improper loading, he had damaged the machine. While I was loading setting up the backup, I instructed him to go to the boardroom to review the loading charts and that I would call him back when I was finished.
About 20 minutes later, I went to the boardroom – No Bob. There was nobody in the men’s room. As I am walking back to my production floor, I noticed that there was somebody in the president’s office. This was pretty strange since the president was out of the office that day and the only two people who were permitted in the office are the office manager and me. Wouldn’t you know it, just down the hall the office manager was happily chugging away at some reports in her office. I went in, only to reveal Bob watching some of the most depraved Spanish smut on the president’s computer.
While I didn’t have the power to, I terminated him on the spot anywhere and cleared it with HR and the president later (who, after a quick viewing of his browser history, agreed that it was justified). Apparently, Bob didn’t know how to browse incognito.
Bob has since filed a case with the government for wrongful dismissal.”
Git-Idiot
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“I was working at Git-fiddle Center right out of high school. The turnover rate at a store like that is pretty high. If I remember correctly I saw 70 new hires in the two years I worked there. One guy we hired lasted less than a day.
He was introduced to everyone, but on that day every register was occupied. So he was sent to our warehouse to help them do stocking and to learn the computer system. However, as I found out later, it was pretty evident that he was at the very least functionally illiterate. So the warehouse manager gave the guy an x-acto knife and had him go bust down cardboard boxes.
However, after about an hour or so, he couldn’t be found. The events that follow I was not directly witness to, just told about after the fact. After searching for this man for a while, he was discovered sitting in a pile of gig bags at the top of one of the warehouse shelves (about 15 feet off the ground) singing softly to himself, smiling broadly, with tears on his face.
And cutting his wrists with the knife.
From where I was, all I knew was that the GM and a couple of the AMs got paged to the warehouse, and soon after we heard sirens in our parking lot. The GM, a guy with a bit of a temper, was heard yelling VERY loudly in his office right afterward, though who he was yelling at, I don’t know. Never saw that kid again.”