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13 Roommates Share The Best Rules They’ve Had In Their Living Spaces

By Matt Weber
September 12, 2016
Shutterstock / fizkes

It can be hard to keep the peace in your house when you're living with three other people. It can get especially hard when one of your roommates doesn't pick up after themselves. Check out these creative ways to keep all your roommates in line.

How to Get Women to Pass the Girlfriend Test

We don’t necessarily have any other specific tests but like all good friends do, we get into shenanigans with each other. However, sometimes it’s more for our internal roommate entertainment and to see how we can push the social norms. Some examples:
-For 8 to 9 months we had a shrine dedicated to a fake girl who died a horrific death in our house. We had a creepy thrift store painting of her centered around candles that we would light when a new person came over.
-If we’re drinking with a new person we all take sips at the same time and then do this weird half dance, half seizure to act like the alcohol immediately kicked in and try to get them to follow along. If they do, we call them a sheep and tell them to think on their own.
-We have a creepy doll on our fireplace mantle in the living room that we will secretly turn the head to face the couch and act like it moved on its own.
-Roommates convinced two girls that well whiskey is actually Well’s whiskey founded by Bill Wells and went on an hour long explanation arguing that it’s the best stuff they’ll ever taste.
-Hosted a party and targeted one roommate’s potential girlfriend to be the target. When she went to the bathroom everyone at the party hid and turned off all the lights in the house. We lit the candles to the shrine, hopped on piano and played creepy music, and acted like she was the sacrifice for our shrine. She freaked out and started screaming bloody murder.
There’s too many other shenanigans to list but we’ve all been good friends for at least 10 years so it’s what you would expect with four guys living together. We are good guys, it just might take a little adjusting to if you’re a new date. If you make it past our bits, you’re practically family. (Source)

The Dude Lives

You gotta do ‘the Dude’.
Get an old pair of genes jeans, an old flannel shirt, work gloves, boots, and a mask (do a search on google images for “old man halloween mask” for ideas). Also, sunglasses and various hats.
Anyway, you stuff the Dude with newspaper and fasten the clothes together so you have like a big dummy.
Now, the fun things you can do:
Build a whole back story. Always refer to him as the Dude. You can make up a name if you want.
‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ shenanigans.
“The Dude doesn’t talk much. He’s very open minded but requests that any questions, comments, or requests go through us. We know him well and he fully trusts us.”
Change his position from time to time. Eventually, friends get used to his presence and pose in selfies with him etc, but otherwise, he’s always in the background.
Any time anybody asks about the Dude: “Yeah, that’s the Dude. He lives here too. Anyway, so for poker night, I was thinking…”
On Halloween, roommates will find the most skittish tiny person in the room for a selfie with the dude, preferably someone who’s been around a bunch and is familiar with the Dude. Roommate offers to take a picture, actually takes video while other roommate, dressed up as the Dude, grab-hugs the fuck out of the skittish person. (Source)

Practical Suggestions for Good Roommate Policies

Probably my healthiest and best roommate situation happened when I moved to Brooklyn and found a room on Craigslist with a kick-ass gal. Rules were:
All food is free game, just don’t eat the last of anything
There must always be beer and whiskey in the house; if it is running low it is your responsibility to make sure we don’t ever find ourselves in a situation where there is none
$20/each at the beginning of the month goes towards paper goods, soap, etc.
All loose change goes into a bowl, bowl goes to Coinstar, cash from coinstar goes towards communal weed
Sink must always be kept clean and empty
Wingman/wingwoman duty is always in effect
Be respectful, be fun, don’t burn the place down. (Source)

One Mug to Rule Them All

We had a mug that lived in a kitchen cupboard, at the beginning of each month we all stuffed £10 in change in there. It was to be used to buy bread, milk, toilet paper and washing up liquid for the flat. You had to put the receipt in there to prove that’s what you took the money for.
There was also an unwritten rule that I didn’t get to cook anything unsupervised. (Source)

Would You Like Some Joes?

My roommate and I both had boyfriends with the same name for awhile so we called them “The Joes.” The Joes would come over and snack on our food which was no problem but they would never eat the last of anything which was so annoying because then we would end up with a pitcher in the fridge talking up a lot of space with less than glass full of apple juice, or I would think we had ice cream left but when I pull it out there was only 5 bites left. Leaving just a tiny bit of food left it way more annoying then eating the last of it. (Source)

Sippy Cups and Alcohol Do Mix

Sippy cup rule.
Spill once it’s a pass.
Spill twice you get to drink your beer from a Sippy cup. (which also makes them slow down cause it makes the beer come out foamy)
You spill out of a Sippy cup… You’re cut off and go to bed.
Also we would bet chores in poker instead of money cause we were all broke. Serious business – and the chores got done. (Source)

These Dishes Mostly Got Done

My Uncle told me about a rule he had in his college house that was really successful. If you left the house and had not cleaned your dirty dishes the other roommates would throw them in your bed. This rule worked really well until someone rented their room out for the summer. They warned the woman who moved in about the rule, but she laughed it off and was even given a couple warnings. The third time they threw a partially eaten bowl of cereal and left over pasta in her bed. I’m not sure about it being the “best rule”, but it was pretty effective. (Source)

Beer Is the Name of the Game

Beer game.
While sitting down any roommate may shout “Beer!”
If another roommate is standing when the sitting roommate shouts “Beer!” the standing roommate must bring the sitting roommate a beer from the refrigerator.
There must be beer in the refrigerator. Keeping the beer stocked is the duty of all roommates who agree to play the game.
You can add your own house rules, like no using phobias to make someone stand (dude, a spider) or no physically removing someone from a seat to call “Beer!” on them. (Source)

Soda Distribution Business

I was a chronic Coke drinker in college. As soon as I got to my apartment I would grab a can out of the fridge and pop one open. My roommate would have some buddies over and they’d help themselves to my Cokes occasionally. It pissed me off because I’d get home, find none in the fridge, and have to go right back out down to the gas station and get my Coke.
After one too many times, I instituted a rule: you want one of my Cokes, you put 50 cents in the jar on the counter. If there’s only one left in the fridge, IT IS NOT FOR SALE. It’s MINE.
Thankfully, the rule worked. (Source)

One Guy Buys While the Other Cooks

I paid for food and did the dishes when I had a Chinese roommate who was a ridiculously good cook. The thing about good chinese cooks is that they use cheap ass ingredients(usually), so my food bill actually went down even though I was paying for 2 people to eat.
Peng I miss you, you beautiful bastard. (Source)

Whose Cuisine Reigns Supreme?

Live with 4 guys.
Who ever buys groceries, I’ll cook what you want to a reasonable expense (works best because it’s a bunch of hungry college dudes).
If you want me to go store for you, let me use the change for a drink or candy.
You purposely hit someone in the the crouch when joking around. All of us get to tag team you.
We don’t use each others cheating ex’s as a rebuttal in a argument. You’re a dick and that’s a lowblow. You automatically lose that argument. (Source)

We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Rules!

I worked for a place that provided free corporate housing. Having a roommate is awesome when no one is responsible for rent/electricity/utilities. The only rules we had were corporate’s rules: no pets, no smoking, and no one who didn’t work for the company was allowed to stay in the house. We immediately broke every rule, every day, for the duration of our stay. (Source)

Performance Art Revue

“If you having sex wakes anyone else up, we are allowed to stand outside the door of your room and loudly grade your performance out of 10.”
Spoiler: no-one gets a 10, and no-one explains why. (Source)

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