Content edited for clarity. What comes to mind when the words tattoo and crazy are in the same sentence? I can bet some of these would surprise even the most expereinced. And if you have ever wanted some wild tattoo inspiration, look no further!
Expect The Unexpected
1. “We had a guy come in and got his kids’ names. He had them written on a piece of paper. The boy’s name read ‘Conner.’ I told him that it’s spelled ‘Connor’ and he was adamant that his spelling was correct. We asked him to check with his wife and he acted like we were idiots to insist that he might not know how to spell his own son’s name. We finally agreed to do it and just assumed they had gone with a weird spelling. He came back the next day with his wife who was ticked that we spelled it wrong. But we had stapled his handwritten names to his paperwork and his wife’s anger completely redirected to him once she saw it.”
2. “I had just started tattooing, so I was taking any kind of walk-in I could get. This guy would come in every few weeks and get his girlfriend’s name tattooed on him. The same name, all different ways; in a diamond, attached to an infinity symbol, with a ladybug. One day he came in WITH her and I was surprised because I had never seen her and always wanted to know who this muse of bad name tattoos was! She seemed ticked off and unapproachable, the guy was in high spirits though. I skipped the small talk with her, did the tattoo, let them leave. He came in a few weeks later, alone. I finally asked him, ‘Why all the name tattoos?’
He told me he would tattoo her name on himself every time he cheated on her and she found out. He then asked me if I would like to go to dinner after his tattoo. That was our last interaction. I did at least eight. There were other tattoos of her name from different artists though. I don’t know how many.”
3. “As a tattoo artist, there was nothing super weird and usually, it was things I didn’t feel comfortable putting on people, I would turn away. But I had a coworker who would scoop them up and do the tattoo for them. One was a girl who had just turned 18. She wanted a chain around her waist with a lock hanging on it just above her bits and the words ‘property of Dave’ or whatever the heck her boyfriend’s name was. First off, she was 18 so I figured the relationship probably wasn’t going to last so I wouldn’t do it for that reason. Then come to find out, her boyfriend had just been sentenced to life in prison for murder. The girl was making a terrible emotional mistake. I refused but my coworker did do the tattoo. Unfortunately, she was my boss. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of how big of a piece of garbage she is. I stopped tattooing after she tried to sabotage my career for a while. She also happens to be my mother-in-law. We don’t talk to her much anymore.”
They Can’t All Be Good Ones
1. “I’ve been tattooing for almost 10 years. Honestly, everything has been pretty tame.
I tattooed a rubber ducky on my buddy’s butt, with a girl’s name underneath that he met the night before. Not a love affair or anything like that, just some random girl he became friends with and partying the night before. She sadly passed away about seven months after.
I’ve done a few pinups in the resemblance of their wife. With the wife watching me as I do it. A bit nerve-racking honestly.
The worst experience I’ve had was a guy who came in and wanted a Scorpio tattoo near his nether region. Alright, whatever. But when he had to pull his pants down so I could get to the area, it was the worse smell I have ever smelled. I literally gagged. It stunk up the whole shop and lingered after they left.
Also had a guy and girl come in. The girl was getting his name, but he was being a prick about it and was kinda all like boasting like ‘Yeah boy, she’s getting my name.’
I asked her if she was sure she wanted it and said yes. I felt bad about it afterward but felt like there wasn’t much I could do.
I also had a few significant others basically dictate what the other was getting tattooed. I usually respond it’s their body so they can get what they like in a more professional kind manner. I tattooed Cousin It, from Addams Family, giving the double middle finger on a 70-year-old woman.
On my buddy, I tattooed a wasted ‘Where’s Waldo,’ with a black eye, holding a brewski, and a smoke, that says ‘Where the f am I.’ That is still one of my favorite tattoos.”
2. “Back in about 2008 I was an art student, and a bunch of people were at my flat. I met a friend of a friend who wanted a picture drawn of a guy with a bony stump for an arm as if it had been bitten off, sitting on a rocking chair, with a horrified expression on his face. I drew the picture in about two minutes and then forgot about it.
Years later I got tagged on Facebook in a photo of the guy’s arm with the picture tattooed on it. By this point, I couldn’t even remember drawing it (I would 100% not have been sober when I drew it). That was crazy enough.
Then a few months ago (so over ten years since doing the drawing) I was sitting at a busy skateboard spot in my city, talking to someone then I just jumped up and said, ‘HOLY HECK I DREW THAT TATTOO!’
There he was! I wouldn’t have recognized him. I somehow recognized that tattoo even though I’d forgotten all about it. We got talking and he was still super stoked on the tattoo. He’s a sound guy, and I am really stoked that a drawing I did got tattooed on someone.”
3. “One time I had a guy walk into the shop with what I thought had to be ballpoint pen scribbled all over his cheek. It looked like a three-year-old child’s attempt at drawing a palm tree if that child also had chainsaws for arms.
He got it done in a scratcher’s basement, wasted and high. It took up the entire side of his face. His entire cheek, jawline to his eye. It was supposed to be a pot leaf. It did not look like one. The bar was set so low. I tried to talk him into laser removal, but he insisted he wanted it covered now. The only thing we could agree on for a coverup was a better pot leaf.
Solid black, super clean, the best pot leaf I’ve ever tattooed to this day. But it sure was that man’s entire face. Better than the giant carved-out mess I guess? I hope he’s doing okay. Pot leaf face man, power to you.”
Repeat After Me, Tattoos Can’t Fix Relationships
1. “This young man wanted a tattoo on his back. It said something like, ‘Lisa please forgive me.’ I asked him if it was some last-ditch effort to get this girl back. He said yes, and I told him, ‘This is a really bad idea you shouldn’t do this.’
He wanted the tattoo anyway, so he got it. If it worked out with him and the girl she will always remember this terrible thing he did that was so bad he had to go get a tattoo to try and prove how wrong he was. Or if it didn’t work out with them, whoever he dated afterward would ask him what terrible thing he did that was so bad he had to go get a tattoo to try to fix things with his ex. It seemed like a no-win scenario with that tattoo. My advice is if your tattoo artist is telling you that something isn’t a good idea to get, just take a moment and consider why.”
2. “The artist I use has told me several stories. He told me about the lady that wanted cherries tattooed above her lady bits. He said no, he doesn’t do ‘indelicate areas.’
And the guy that wanted a chain, which would have been around his chest and collarbone. The artist kept trying to convince him this was a bad idea, that it was going to hurt like the dickens when he got to the collarbone. The guy was real muscular and swore he wouldn’t feel it. The artist drew up two different pieces. One that looked like what the guy wanted; the second was a piece that had the chains look like they come out of the skin, somewhere where the pain is going to start. The artist started on the chest, then worked his way up to the collarbone. When he got there, of course, the guy was crying like a baby. The artist said, I have an idea, why don’t I do this instead? The guy had to go through a little more pain, but got the second tattoo idea, not knowing it was the plan all along.
Then there was the guy that would come in every so often, wanting the playboy bunnies tattooed on his cheeks. The artist won’t do face tattoos, so he kept telling him no. One day, the guy came in, wanting something else, so the artist went in the back to get some artwork. When he comes back, the guy was walking around, eating KFC, getting it all over the carpet, walking on it. The artist said you know what? I’ll do the bunnies after all. That guy now has those bunnies on his cheeks, and the artist now calls him chicken boy.
Last was the guy that wanted his girlfriend’s name tattooed on him. My artist doesn’t like doing names but was convinced to do it. While he’s working, the guy was on the phone with his girlfriend, crying. The artist didn’t understand why he was crying so much, it couldn’t hurt that much. Then he started paying attention to the conversation. The girlfriend had already dumped him, and the guy thought the tattoo would convince her to take him back.”
Not The Worst, Definitely Not The Best
1. “I had a gentleman come in when I’d only been tattooing for about three years. I was in the middle of a tattoo and somewhat (understandably) distracted. The fella pulls out his knob and shows me a poorly done star on the head. He wants it fixed and wants me to add another star and a crescent moon. If you’re asking yourself ‘why?’ you’re not alone. He told his wife he’d give her the moon and stars.
He made an appointment for the following day, a few hours after we’d opened. I remember feeling like I was waiting for my execution. Then I came to the realization that it was his appendage about to get stabbed, not mine, and I got over it. When he showed up, I gave him a set of gloves and told him he was going to be helping stretch the skin. He was a good sport about it and all went well and fine. Until he told me they were swingers and invited me over to their home to drink crown and bang his wife. I politely declined, which is probably why she got the only ‘tip’ outta the deal. Almost two decades ago and I still remember it vividly.”
2. “When I was about 20 years old I made a bet with the singer in my metal band that he couldn’t shave his beard for a year and if he made it the year I would get ‘property of [his name]” tattooed on my butt cheek.
He made it about three months and then had to shave because he was basically a young Gandalf.
So he has ‘property of [my name]’ tattooed on his left butt cheek.”
3. I had a hook-up with a girl who was covered in home job tats. Before we banged we played Tic Tac Toe on her leg with a tattoo needle. Her idea, not mine. I know it sounds trashy, but I won, even though every move took forever. I was drinking. I put a line through the winning line and then crudely wrote on the side ‘O = [my name].’
I tattooed my name on her because I won and never saw her again. This was over 10 years ago and if you’re reading this I hope you don’t mind in hindsight. I literally tagged this girl because I won a game.’
4. “It was more funny than messed up but I had an Irish bloke come in one day and slap down a piece of paper on the counter which was covered in random signatures, he had lost a bet down the pub and they were of all the people in it and they all chipped in to get all these random people signatures tattooed on his arse cheek. I thought it was funny and liked the fact he kept to his word so we gave it to him free and let him pocket the cash.”
Regrettably
1. “My friend asked his artist when he got his first tattoo. The tattoo artist said he had a totally sober girl come in and asked for the Kum n Go logo tattooed right above her butt. The artist went through and ensured she understood everything the tattoo implied and that it was permanent. She still got it.”
2. “My friend’s dad had a tattoo that covered his entire forearm of two pigs going at it piggy style and it said ‘making bacon’ above it. He was made to cover it up every time we visited but I saw it once and it’s quite graphic.”
3. “I was with a friend getting some regrettable ink laser removed, the tattoo artist was also the removal guy, so he was halfway into his session and there was a pounding on the door and in busts in a crack-head totally tweaking out, saying he needed ink and needed it right then! The laser/tattoo guy seemed to know this guy, and said, ‘What’ll it be this time Spider?’
To which Spider responded, ‘I want TOUGH [s-word] on my knuckles!’
The tattoo artist did the math and said that was too many letters to which Spider replied, ‘Nuh-uh,’ and spelled out T U F F [s-word].’ Which he legitimately believed was the correct spelling, the tattoo artist asked my friend if he minded waiting 10 minutes because Spider was relentless when he wanted ink. And my friend and I both said sure because we wanted to watch some poor life decisions, Spider was very pleased and we told him he looked like Tuff Shick!”
“It Was So Crazy”
1. “My artist memorized all the local gang symbols/tattoos so that people don’t accidentally get something that could be affiliated with one of them. I found out because another client in the studio at the same time as me asked for something to be a certain color, and he said no because whatever she was getting in whatever color she asked for was one of the local gang symbols. He asked her to choose another color. It dawned on me how much information like that he had to memorize, stuff I would never have considered otherwise but seems obvious in retrospect.”
2. “My cousin let a wasted friend who never tattooed before tattoo him a house on his rib, like a child drawing. He did that because in french, rib(cote) and coast(cote) are the same word. So now he can say: ‘j’ai une maison sur la cote’ (I have a house on the coast).”
3. “My friend’s husband had an affair, she decided to forgive him and so they got their wedding anniversary tattooed on their wedding fingers to start fresh. She posted pictures of the tattoo all over social media. The next week, the girl he had an affair with had the date they first did the deed tattooed on her finger and put it all over her social media, and of course, my friend who had been stalking her online since she found out saw the photo almost immediately. It was so crazy. This girl started stalking him and his kids in real life and he had to leave his job.”
4. “My first tattoo the 70-year-old or so old woman doing it said it was the weirdest thing she’d ever seen then brought my 20-year-old self around the shop to show it to a bunch of like old bikers and others to laugh about how weird it was. I got the word ‘soap’ tattooed on my right forearm.”
Vicious Cycle
1. “I love telling the story of my mother’s teet-tat adventure. She met Marcus. They fell in love. She got ‘Marcus’ with some flowers tattooed on her chest. After a few months, they broke up.
Enter a dude whose name was James Mark. They fell in love, got married. She had a bad artist do a cover-up, changing ‘Marcus’ to ‘Mark’ with a splotchy flower and scratchy something else. They got divorced. She ended back up with the original Marcus.”
2. “I specialize in coverups and some things people get tattooed are crazy. So many name tattoos! Two recently I’ve had (within the past month) we’re a girl that had ‘Big Ted’ in old English across both butt cheeks. The other was a name coverup that she had gotten by another artist in the studio a few days before. She got her EX-husbands name in an attempt to get back with him and spoiler alert: it didn’t work.”
3. “So my girlfriend is a tattoo artist. We had a client come in when she was an apprentice and this huge sweaty dude turned up saying he has a handprint on his arse cheeks that he wants tattooed. He proceeded to take his trousers down and he had this blurry handprint on his arse that he had a girl in Thailand transfer on him before got the plane back to the UK and without having a wash turned up to our studio asking to get it inked for next time he was over there. And because she was an apprentice at the time she had to accept. Halfway through the tattoo, he sat upright saying he was going to pass out then proceed to pass out on her with his trousers down. It was not the highlight of her career.
4. “So, my tattoo artist told me this story because I recently had this conversation with him. This guy came in with his wife demanding his name be tattooed on her in big, bold, letters. A few weeks later he is back again with his wife, demanding once again, that his name ‘JIMMY’ in big letters are tattooed on her once more. Some time passes and the same thing. Finally, the artist telling me this story said he had to ask why he kept doing this. So, apparently, the woman cheated on her man while he was on the road doing cross-country truck driving. Any time he was about to be gone, so there was no question as to whether or not she’d recently had her husband’s name tattooed on her, and was still in fact married, there was a nice fresh tattoo for proof. After learning this, my artist said he was no longer comfortable doing this but the man would basically pay him whatever he asked to do the tattoo. Apparently, it happened once or twice more before my guy finally told him he wouldn’t do it anymore. Tattooing someone’s name on another person, while a bad idea, isn’t inherently wrong. But branding someone as property over and over again is pretty insane.”
“Just Tragic”
1. “A guy I worked with had a failed pregnancy. Stillborn. So he was mourning. I have very high-quality work on my arms that is very visible. So he asked me who and how much. I tried explaining that with portrait work, you get what you pay for. He called and got a price and then confronted me on the number like we were in cahoots. I reminded him that you don’t cheap on portrait work. And he told me he knows a guy who knows a guy. One last time I said don’t, but he fully believed I was in on scamming him.
He went to the guy of the guy and when he returned, I asked if I could see how it turned out. He pulled up his shirt and started to cry. He has what anyone can see is the worst tattoo of his dead baby on his chest. Just crying he said, ‘I just wanted to remember him.’ Just tragic.”
2. “Been tattooing nearly 20 years and honestly most everything has been pretty tame. I’ve had a few very weird quote requests but they never actually follow up on scheduling (or I just outright decline the piece).
The weirdest tattoo I think I’ve ever actually DONE was a portrait of a stillborn baby. I totally get the sentiment and I’ve done countless memorials for stillborn babies, so that in and of itself is not weird, but the photo I was working from in this case was not a nice one. You know how they put little hats and clothes on a stillborn baby to take a photo for the parents? They’d done that here as well but I think the baby had butterfly syndrome or something as the poor thing’s skin was peeling away. I asked as gently as I could if he wanted the photo ‘cleaned up’ for the tattoo. I don’t HAVE to tattoo all those wounds, you know? But he wanted it just as is. I respect that, people heal trauma in many ways. I did the tattoo as requested, he loved it, I did not take a photo for my portfolio.
There were also other strange quote requests (these people did NOT get the tattoo, to be clear, just asked for a price). One was a photo of herself as a little girl, but wanted me to add blood all over her and dripping from her. Another one, a husband and wife wanted to come in together, and have me tattoo a photo of themselves engaged in an adult act (I assume they wanted a threesome afterward too, it was heavily implied in the email). And human trafficking tattoos, usually an older man trying to schedule for his much younger ‘girlfriend’ to get a random name or word done near the lower area. And of course a couple of requests for sclera tattoos (recoloring the whites of the eyes, google if you dare).”