Well at least the night shift will keep you on your toes.
Graveyard shift at a gas station. Full serve gets shut down after 11:00 pm because there’s only one clerk on site. Traffic cones block the full serve pumps, signs inform the customer. Around midnight a van pulls up with California plates and peace/love signs in the windows. Woman gets out, moves the traffic cones and pulls up to full serve. I use the intercom to tell her that she will have to use self serve if she wants gas. No answer. I go to the door and try to wave her over or call out to her. Can’t see any sign of her. I shrug and go back inside. I’m not allowed to leave the store unattended, so there’s not much I can do. Ten minutes later a woman gets out of the van and comes in. “I’ve been waiting for service for over an hour,” she says. I decide not to argue about the time elapsed and just say: “I’m very sorry ma’am, but we don’t offer full-serve after 11:00. Perhaps you noticed the traffic cones and signs to that effect?” “You expect to pump my own gas?” She says. “Again, I’m sorry. I’d be happy to help you, but I can’t leave the store unattended. I appreciate your understanding.” She snorts and digs a twenty out of her purse and tosses it on the counter. She goes out, moves the van to self-serve, pumps the gas. Then she comes back. “May I use your restroom, please?” She asks. “Absolutely, right back there,” I say, relieved. She goes to the restroom and she’s in there for about 15 minutes. I start to worry. Finally she comes out and comes to the counter. “I know all about you,” she says, “you, you’re the one who brought on the Black Plague. You brought it on all the time forever. It was always you. You caused all those deaths, all that suffering. Did you like hearing the babies wail and scream? I bet you loved it. All the demons love it. That’s you. You’re a demon. You are evil. I can tell. And I’ll tell you something else: you skunk me up, I’ll skunk you back.” I stared at her retreating back speechless. She got in her van and drove away. Skunk her up? Because I didn’t pump her gas? Weird. I went back to fronting shelves for about 30 seconds before I thought, “perhaps I should check the bathroom.” I walked back and push open the door. Shit. Shit everywhere. On the walls, the floor the mirror, the sink. All over the toilet lid and the tank. Shit on the door, clearly smeared by hand. And, oh, the stench. As I turned to get the cleaning supplies, I muttered under my breath, “you skunked me back all right. Yes, you did.” Sigh. (Source)
“Huge guy comes in and asks to use the restroom. No big deal, I’m not one to stand in the way of nature. Well maybe 20 minutes later, guy comes back up and says, “dude, I’m really sorry, I f_cked up your toilet…” “It’s all good man, I’ll get it…” Not really needing spectators while I cleaned shit, I expect the guy to shrug his shoulders and walk off, well he looks back into the back where the restroom is with a look of disgusting and concern and says, “Man it’s really coming out, like it’s coming out into the backroom…” I rush back, thinking I’ve got to at least stop this from becoming some kind of biohazard event. I round the corner and there’s nothing, but I can smell an unholy, overwhelming stench. I continue back, expecting to ruin my shoes at any moment until I reach the mens room, at this point I’ve had to cover my face with my shirt and focus on breathing through my mouth, but I reach the door with no issue. Frustrated from the mind-numbing odor alone, I push the mens room door open, ready for at least an inch of gas station dooks all over the floor. As the door swings forward I see nothing but the water filling my eyes and the black/brown human paint the fat bastard left against the back of the bowl… Pissed to the point of rushing out, fully intending of asking this rotten asshole what the deal was, I round the corner again to see his big sh_t-eating grin spread across his face…”Stinks huh?” (Source)
“So my wife was nagging me about a project that I hadn’t completed. It required a 4 1/2″ hole saw and it was late on a Sunday. I checked the Lowe’s website and the one nearby (approx 30 miles) was open till 9. I live out in the middle of nowhere so every drive is a long haul. I get to Lowe’s and see a guy go back in and lock the door. Well it’s only a few mins after 8. So I go over and the guy says ‘we’re closed.’ I said, but the website says you are open till 9. He looks at me and as I start to ask what is going on, he just walks off. So I was furious at that point. I go over to the other door and start banging. I have some pimply faced kid go get the manager. He comes over and I go round and round with him about how the website shows they are open till 9, and I just drove 30+ miles for a single item. I even know exactly where it’s located. He finally sees that I am furious and just need my one item so he agrees to take me back to the hole saws. I go to grab one and I see that it has the arbor (center piece with the drill bit) and say ‘I don’t need one with the arbor, I just need the outside part’ and reach over to the changeable saws and grab the one I need. I pay him and head home. I go to cut the hole and realize that it’s not the right size. Sure enough, I look at the packaging and I grabbed the 4 1/8″ saw. The stream of obscenities was long followed by a laugh and then almost a tear. I spent another hour enlarging the 4 1/8 hole to 4 1/2 inches with a dremel and sandpaper. Deep in my heart I know that he noticed I grabbed the wrong size drill and just didn’t say anything, because that’s exactly what I would have done with an asshole like me.” (Source)
ISLAM IS THE LIGHT
Story time! In high school I worked at a little Mom and Pop department store. We sold odds and ends at super high prices and they eventually went out of business when I was a couple years into college. Anyway, one night I was working a closing shift and that involves shutting down the registers, turning off all the lights, etc. We had just stocked these baby doll toys on the shelf that day, those motion sensing ones that giggled and cooed when you got close to them. Well, the lights turning off must have triggered them because after the first chunk goes out we hear coos. Second chunk goes out… giggles.. Third chunk goes out and we hear “ISLAM IS THE LIGHT!!!” Needless to say we shipped those suckers back to the manufacturer. They didn’t know about the propaganda babies because they only said that phrase randomly so it must have gotten past whatever testing process they had. Very freaky to hear in a dark store at night.” (Source)
“11:30pm in Australia here and on break working till 4am in a sort of restaurant/fast food store. Last week I saw a woman order 4 burgers but wanted no ingredients other then lettuce, not even any bread. I offered if she would like to just buy the lettuce as a topping and just pay $1.25 for it but she insisted on ordering 4 servings of burger lettuce at full burger price.” (Source)
When In Doubt, Whip It Out
“Had a guy pull up to the pump, unhooked it wanting post-pay. Our policy said not to authorize it between midnight and 5am (pre-pay only). I announce this to the dude over the loudspeaker. I’m pretty sure he was wasted; he continued to get more and more belligerent. When he started beating the pumps with the nozzle/hose, I called the cops. Dude starts banging on the door (locked, no way he would get in), can’t, gets frustrated, and finally just whips his deal out and starts wagging it in the general direction of the store. The CCTV is getting all this, so I just start laughing my ass off. Then the cops pull up, and two deputies put this poor, drunk, deal-wagging man away in the back of a police car. I quit a few months after that.” (Source)
“I had an elderly woman come in in her bathrobe (nothing else) asking if she could eat the flowers outside. I told her that it probably wasn’t a good idea, they might make her sick (there also weren’t any flowers). I then offered to get her a sandwich. There is a little grill and restaurant area in the store. So she took the sandwich and sat at one of the tables watching the tv. About an hour, maybe less, one of the workers from a nursing home down the road (maybe 1/2 a mile) came in asking if I’d seen a woman, matching his description. I just smiled and pointed to where this nice lady was sipping on a coke watching cartoons. As that turned out, she was somewhat notorious for eating the flowers at the nursing home. So much so that they had replaced the flowers to be sure that all of them were edible, just in case. She apparently had gone outside to eat flowers and then just gotten confused and wandered to our store. Which was very dangerous for her, but hopefully everything worked out for her.” (Source)
“I used to work the graveyard at a gas station near my place. Pretty normal night. Clean, stock smokes, clean again, sit behind the counter. A woman came in about mid 30’s with a little boy with her. She was in tears and her clothes were torn a bit. She came up and asked to use the phone. When she got off without getting an answer, she asked to stay here for a bit. I told her it would be no problem. About 20 minutes goes by and I wound up giving her and her kid free drinks and one of the sandwiches we have on the hot rack. She was in the store for about 30 mins until her “boyfriend” came in and found her and her kid. He was pretty calm at first but then started screaming at her and telling her she needs to come with him. Luckily before anything crazy happened, a cruiser pulls up to the front and two cops come in and intervened. He was arrested right there. I guess he had been beating her in front of her kid and she was trying to run away. I’m glad I got to keep her away from harm for at least a little bit. Was a scary night!”(Source)
The Burrito Bandit
“I worked at a small convenience store in the early 1990’s. They had one of those fry delis that had chicken, jojos, corndogs, burritos etc. This particular night I had run out of burritos and chicken. I also shut the thing down and cleaned it all out about an hour before closing. About 5 minutes before I was closing up a guy walked in and asked for some burritos. I told him I was out of them, and that I was just about to close and the fryer was shut down. He walked around the store for a minute (I assumed he was looking for something else to buy) and then he came up to the counter, pulled out a knife and told me if I didn’t cook him some burritos he was going to stab me.
I freaked out, but told him I had none to cook. I showed him the freezer and told him I would happily cook anything he wanted from it, but he will see I was out of burritos. He looked in it for a minute, turned to me and said, “You really are out.” I replied, “Yeah.” He then put the knife away and left the store.” (Source)
Pretty Risky Prank
I used to work at a very small gas station just outside Detroit, and since everyone else who worked there were 90 pound high school students, I always got to work the night shift (yay me!). I was robbed 4 times, mugged 6, shot at probably a dozen times, and had a knife thrown at me once. One night, around 11:30 I’m standing behind the counter watching cars pass under the overpass when 6 guys in ski masks run into the store. Two of them stand either side of me and opposite the counter, but facing towards the back of the store. They are barking orders at the others, telling them what to grab, what drinks and snacks. So for about maybe 5 minutes I’m standing there watching this unfold, wondering when I’m going to actually be robbed, or if all they want is to steal food and sh*t (wouldn’t really surprise me). Finally the ordering about stops, and they all line up between the two guys, who finally turn around to face me. Here it is, I thought, the demands for money or cigarettes or something. Nope, the guys orderly stepped up to the counter, and the two men who had been giving orders took turns paying for the stuff they had grabbed. I have no idea who these men were, and it never happened again after that. (Source)
Way To Go, Buddy
Used to work 3rd shift overnight in a Texaco, (20 years ago). One night this guy in a bright, yellow Mustang comes in to buy gas and beer. I run his credit card and the register flags it for being stolen. So I tell the guy, “uhh, your card won’t work. Says I have to keep it…” So the guy, kind of freaks out, leaves his beer, then hops in his car and speeds off. I call the cops because he already pumped his gas, and left without paying for it. So later I walk home at 6AM, (I lived only a 5 minute walk away). As I’m walking, I see the yellow Mustang parked at an apartment complex across the street from my house! So I go back to work, and call the cops again, explaining that I know where the guy lives. Presumably, after that they found him, and arrested him or whatever. A few days later I had to do a friend a favor and take her to visit her boyfriend, who was in jail at the time. On our way out of the jail, some guy walks up to her to bum a cigarette off of her. IT WAS THE GUY with the yellow mustang!!! (I sped up to walk ahead of them so hopefully, he wouldn’t recognize my face). She gives him a cigarette and he proceeds to complain about how he got arrested cause he found a credit card, so of course he was going to buy some gas and beer with it. He didn’t recognize me, so I remain un-murdered!” (Source)
“I’m not a store clerk but…… I went into a Family Express gas station (if you are from Indiana you know…..) around midnight and I needed condoms….. for….. sex…… I’m not shy at all about buying this stuff, I practice safe sex f*ck me right? I have no reason to be embarrassed. I asked the clerk where the condoms are and he replies,”We don’t carry those, we are a fundamentally Christian Company and don’t support premarital intercourse.” I asked him how he knew if I was married or not. He replied,”Then you shouldn’t be using condoms because it’s against God’s will to prevent pregnancies using man-made means.” At that point he could probably sense that I was about to fly off on him…. So he said: “Nah, I’m just fucking with you pal they are over by the Raman Noodles.” I wasn’t even mad….. that man was a Master Troll.” (Source)
I worked at a dominos in a really sh_tty part of town maybe ten years ago. I was the insider (making the food and answering phones), so I was there the whole time but after 8pm we only delivered, door was locked. Well one night it’s pouring rain… thunder, lightning the whole deal. This massive guy walks up to the door and starts knocking loudly. I go up to see what the hell is going on and he yells through the door to give him some aluminum foil. Well being curious as to why this guy is standing outside of a business in some crazy weather I ask why (also there was a very seedy motel next door… I was thinking drugs). Apparently he wants to make a lightning rod… I look at the only driver who is in the building and he just says f_ck it, walks over rips about 5 feet off the roll, folds it up so it’ll fit through the mail slot and slides it through. This guy unfolds it in the pouring rain as we watch, wraps it once around his head and make the rest into one big rod sticking out the top of his head… looked like a conspiracy theorist with those tin foil hats crossed with a unicorn. Then he ran off down the middle of the street. Ten minutes later some fat lady came by to ask if we had seen someone just like that guy. “The one who made a lightning rod and stuck it on his head? He went that way.” “O god”. Wonder what happened to them.” (Source)
“I worked third shift at a Sheetz. For those of you who don’t know it’s a gas station/convenience store/fast food place. On multiple occasions I have been cussed out because we discontinued pickle chips. I’ve had people tell me to f*ck off, break things, demand to call corporate, etc. Drunk people love pickle chips.” (Source)
The Entire Song
“The place I worked had a monitor/camera that showed you on it as you walked it. It was like ten minutes before closing and a guy walks in and just starts rapping into the camera and acting like he’s shooting a music video. He went through an entire song.” (Source)
Surely There Are Safer Jobs Out There?
“I was just talking to a friend about stuff like this maybe a week ago. For reference, he works 10PM-6AM at a gas station in a really rough neighborhood. Here are some of the things he has told me about. A woman came into the store at 3AM screaming about her boyfriend being an asshole and refused to leave. Heroin sales literally every night. They found foot prints on the toilet seat and a bag of meth in the ceiling tiles. A man came in to use the bathroom at midnight. He was still in there half an hour later and so my friend knocked. He didn’t respond. Paramedics were called when he was found to be near death from a heroin overdose. Cops come in on a regular basis looking for people. Drunk people making threats of violence if they don’t get more beer. He probably told me more things but I can’t remember all of them right now. He makes minimum wage doing this. You couldn’t make me do that job even at gunpoint (which would probably happen in that town.)” (Source)
And All Of That Happened Before 9pm
Not a late night clerk as my store closes at 9, but some pretty strange things have happened. In no particular order.
A women tried to tell me that jesus could talk to her through her eyes and that we were all going to hell. A man came in for no reason other than to take a sh*t in aisle 3. Some guy tried to come in a steal cigarettes from behind our counter and may have gotten away with it if he had not then tried to buy cigarettes with the other ones stuffed down his shirt. Two different people have tried to lock themselves in our bathroom and tell us that that was their home now. Once a week someone will try to buy our entire cereal aisle, just pulling entire displays off the shelf and trying to do it as quickly as possible, like getting into a line is some sort of free pass and we have to let him buy the stuff.
An ex-employee one time came back in after hours, as we were closing down stuff for the night and started to work. She was behind the deli-counter just cutting meat. Talking to invisible customers. We later found out she was high on pills.” (Source)