People will say all sorts of crazy things when they're pulled over by a cop, but it rarely works. Find out what actually does work from these 13 people!
Witty And Polite.
“I was on my way home from a long, BBQ-themed road trip that had taken an unplanned southerly route due to a late-winter storm that also put me pretty far behind schedule, so I wasn’t giving much care for my speed. I was going along at about 80 mph as I came up to Pecos, Texas, after a long stretch of nothing and nobody else on the road to pick up I-20, when just outside of town I saw a sheriff’s car on the side of the road. I knew he had to have seen me coming from a mile off, so I just went ahead and pulled over before he even got his lights on. He didn’t have to do more than make a U-turn across the road to pull up behind me. “I guess I don’t need to tell you that you were speeding.” “No, sir.” “Any reason?” “You looked bored. I thought I’d give you something to do today.” Source
He Can Do All.
The strangest one was the officer to whom I simply tried to start a conversation, “Hey, weren’t you at that event the other day guarding the Dalai Lama?” to which he simply replied, “Oh, you were there too. Well, Namaste Sir, drive safe.” I just looked over at my passenger and said, “Did the Dalai Lama seriously just get me out of a traffic ticket? What can’t that guy do?” Source
Old Man For The Win.
I’m sorry officer, but my wife ran away with a state trooper three weeks ago. I thought you were him, and trying to bring her back. But seriously, I did get pulled over once coming back from my girlfriend’s sorority ball at the Waynesville Country Club, back when we were in college at Western Carolina University. I was hammered and she was tipsy, so she drove us home in my ’58 Chevy, with bench front seats. We were coming down the mountain from the country club, and on come the blue lights. She pulls over and I said let me do the talking. He comes up to her window, and asks, “have you been drinking?” Before she can say a word, I say “She hasn’t officer but I’m sh*tfaced. This is my car and she was driving me home. If she was swerving, it was only because I was sitting too close and trying to be amorous. If you’ll let us go, I promise to slide over and be a perfect gentleman the whole way home.” He looked at us, smiled and said, “Drive careful, young lady.” Source
Working The System.
Don’t waste your time (and the officer’s). If you decide you want to fight a ticket (because the citation has insurance reporting and/or points on your license), the officer is not going to be into giving you any slack when you fight it; because you said something smart, funny, smarmy, snarky, cute, etc. That being said, I had a client who was aware of the above (because I had represented him several times) and said “Officer, I’d rather not waste your time, if you give me a 3111 (a non-points non-insurance reporting PA violation), I’ll just plead guilty and pay it by mail.” According to him, the officer wrote him up for the 3111 and sent him on his way. Client literally negotiated his own ticket. Source
God Bless America.
I stopped a woman who was going about 50 mph in a 35 mph zone. She explained that she had just picked up her husband from the airport after his Army deployment in Iraq and she wanted to get home quickly so they could make love. “Welcome home, sir, and y’all be safe getting to the house….” Source
Cops Can Be Understanding.
I was northbound on Lake Shore Drive in Chicago in May 2010. I used to work on 79th and Cottage Grove and needed to get to Cook County Clerk’s office in the loop. I think the speed limit on Lake Shore Drive is 40 mph. I don’t remember how fast I was going, but I know I was in a hurry. I didn’t see the cop and he put his lights on somewhere between 39th and 31st street. I pulled over as soon as I saw the flashing lights. I can count on one hand the number of interactions I’ve had with law enforcement. He gets out of his cruiser and walks up to my passenger side and I roll down my window. He says “Do you have any idea how fast your going?” “Sorry officer, I just got off work and I’m trying to get my marriage license before the Clerk’s office closes.” He looked at me me and said “No one in the world would make that up. Congratulations and drive safely.” He didn’t even ask to see my ID or check if I had insurance or anything. Some people will slam cops, but I have never had a problem with them. Just give them the facts, realize that they’re at their job and everything will be cool. Even if it goes sideways, nothing good ever comes from arguing with a cop. Source
Kill Them With Laughter.
Many years ago, I was on a long drive home from a social engagement (I was sober) around 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning, and the road was completely empty, so I was going around 85 mph when I was caught by a cop with a radar gun. He and his partner got out of the car, and one was talking to me through the passenger window while the other stood outside the driver window. He asked me why I was going so fast, and all I could do was shrug and say, “because I’m 20?” He laughed. His partner asked, “did he just say he’s speeding because he’s 20 years old,” and the first officer was laughing too hard to answer with anything more than a nod. And I got off with a warning. Self-deprecating honesty has gotten me out of way more tickets than I probably deserve. Source
“Red Mean Go.”
My dad came over to the UK from Greece in the 70’s. He is a typical Greek driver on the road. Even the most mild mannered people turn into lunatics. It’s like the whacky races over there. So one day, he’s driving his car, impatiently trying to dodge traffic. He gets to the light as it turns red and decided to run the light. Inevitably, he was pulled over by a traffic police officer. “Are you aware you have just driven through a red light?” In broken English, even though his English is perfect, “Yes officer.” My dad is looking innocent and perplexed but not as perplexed as the policeman! “Why did you go through the light when you should have stopped? You could cause an accident!” “Red means go. Green means stop?” More innocent and confused head shaking. “No, you stop at a red light.” “Officer me so sorry. Greece, red means go. Green means stop.” The policeman let him go with a warning and a short lecture on the highway rules in England. He must have been feeling very proud of himself that day. After all, he taught that crazy Greek a thing or two. Until he got back to the station. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall that night. Can you imagine? I wonder if that guy ever lived it down. Source
The One Time A Pissed Mother-In-Law Helps.
Our friends got pulled over for speeding. The wife’s mother was in the back seat. When he stopped, the husband got out of the car immediately. (This was back in the 80s, so that wasn’t unusual at that time. And it wasn’t in the US.) He handed all his documentation to the cop. As the cop was looking over them, our friend said, “I’m really in trouble now, my wife is worked up over being stopped.” In reality, the wife was talking to her mom about something completely different, and they weren’t discussing the speeding at all. The cop bent down to look into the car, and saw the wife gesturing as she was speaking to her mom. The cop turned to the husband, and said “I think you have enough to deal with already. Slow down, next time you won’t be getting off” Our friends drove off without the ticket. Source
Get Them To Apologize To You.
It was in morning rush hour traffic. There wasn’t even the slightest opportunity to speed. All of a sudden a cop pulled me over. I had no idea why and told him so. He said that I was speeding on another street and that he was trying to catch me for a while, yet it was difficult in the heavy traffic. I asked which street? He told me. I showed him my work badge and asked to correlate my home address on the driver license with my work address, and asked why would I be on that alleged street at that time, as it would not lead me to work. Not sure what convinced him, yet he apologized (!) and let me go. Source
What’s A Speedometer?
I’m a cop. I stopped a lady for doing 45 in a 30 mph zone…she stoutly denied she had been speeding. I offered to show her the radar gun but she insisted she’d been looking at the speedometer. I looked at her car and asked…”Is this your car?” “No…It’s my son’s”. “Show me the speedometer.” She pointed to the tachometer…she’d been turning a nice, stead 3000 rpm…. Source
Jon Snow Does Know Something.
No one would disagree that being a lead character in a movie or tv show has its perks. But being a lead in the most popular show with uncertainty over your character’s fate has even more advantages. Here’s Kit Harrington’s conversation with Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show: Kit: I was driving home from my parents house and I was driving too fast, actually I was being a bit naughty, I was going over the speed limit. And I feel sirens going off behind me. And this police man comes up and pulls me over and he said, “look, there’s two ways we can do this. You can either follow me back to police station now and I book you in. Or you can tell me whether you live in the next series of “Game of Thrones.” So I look at him and went, “I’m alive the next season” and he goes, “On your way, Lord Commander.” Source
“I successfully extracted myself from a DUI + felony possession with an argument that included ‘if I follow you to the station I will go to jail’ as a component of my logical argument.”
In 1994, driving back from New Orleans’ Bourbon Street after a day-through-night wedding party that started in a small Louisiana town at noon, I was stopped by a cop around 2:3o AM driving 85 MPH heading back to rural Louisiana. So, I step out of a vehicle covered in Grateful Dead stickers, with highly elevated levels of alcohol and amphetamines in my bloodstream. I was wearing sandals, cutoff khaki shorts and a tie-dyed shirt. The officer was instantly in my face with a flashlight on my forehead, reciting the standard field sobriety test before I had both feet on the pavement. “Officer, I have bad ankles and I’m wearing sandals, can I do this in bare feet.” He just stared, open-jawed and said, “Sure.” THEN things got weird…. Officer asks again “How much did you say you’ve been drinking tonight.” Me, “We all started at noon, but I have been pacing myself and cut it off a bit before we left Bourbon Street.” (Not.) Officer, “So, you could pass an exam at the station.” Reply, “I have been drinking, but I could probably pass.” (No, not even close…) Officer, “Your reflexes are fine and you actually passed the field test, but there is SOMETHING wrong with your eyes. I want you to follow me back to the station.” At this point, real panic kicked in and I knew a breathalyzer was a killer and a blood test would be devastating. The ‘funny eyes’ were linked to the ‘rocket fuel’ allowing me to maintain my senses (hell, consciousness) despite massive alcohol consumption…so, I went for broke: Me, “Officer, you said I passed the field test, right?” Officer, “Yes, but something is not right here. Something is going on with your eyes. Get in your vehicle and follow me to the station.” Me, “But….passing the test implies that I am fit to drive and now you are okay with me to drive this car of people (6 passengers) several miles (along a heavily-trafficked, massive bridge to get to the station), right?” Officer, “Yes.” Me, “So, we are agreeing that you are okay with the risk of me driving a vehicle full of people several miles?” Officer, “Uh….yeah.” Me, “Then I could probably make it safely back to the house, right?” Officer, “What difference does it make. You said you can pass the breathalyzer, so let’s just go to the station and check things out.” Me, “Officer, we both know what is going to happen if I go to the station.” Officer, “But you said you could pass.” Reply, ” Yes, I did, but we both know what the result will actually be.” Officer just stares at me for a few seconds, so I continue the momentum: Me, “We established that I passed the field sobriety test AND that you are ok with me driving all these people several miles. Why don’t I just drive them home?” Officer, continues staring (for what seemed like an eternity) and says something I interpreted as: “blah, blah…get in the car and follow me to the station.” Accepting defeat, I turned to open the door, then went for a 2nd ‘Hail Mary!’ Me, “We already established I can drive. How about…” Officer, “Boy, get in the vehicle before you talk your way into jail. This must be your lucky day.” Then he just stood there shaking his head. I think he was completely overloaded by the inconsistency of the field test vs. pupil test, multiplied by a bold, logical argument. When I turned to argue with him that last time, he was actually telling me I could leave and I almost screwed that up. Ecstatic, I jumped in the vehicle and let everyone (that wasn’t passed out) know I just survived a caught-red-handed Causeway stop. The 2 Louisiana natives in the car were totally dumbfounded and thought I must’ve knocked the guy out or something. My stomach then dropped to my toes when I saw the speedometer was passing 85 MPH again. I was a bit excited… I hit the brakes, set cruise control on 55 and slowly limped away. I later returned to college and finished undergrad and law school with honors (while working full-time through both). That was the best and most important oral argument of my life. I would’ve been incarcerated. Source