Most people assume they don't have to worry about peeping toms when they're 40 floors up. That assumption is usually why window washer catch people doing some pretty embarrassing things.
Some Things You Can’t Unsee
“In 2016, I moved to New York for a short period and was fired after a month at the first job I found for not being hip enough or something along those lines. So, I hit Craigslist and found a window-washing trainee position in the Staten Island area and, with a little pickup truck in tow, applied to them first thing. I wasn’t there very long like I said, (am somewhat afraid of heights, but also just a little incapable of flying) and only stuck it out a few months in order to make the money necessary to help make it back off the east coast before winter hit.
So I was somewhere on the second face and finishing off a floor some 40 miles into space, and inching down, always studying the most distant scenery for comfort, hand clasped tightly to the trembling wound steel cable. I heard my trainer cough loudly. I look over and sAW him spitting out his coffee. At first, for just a second, I thought nervously he might be choking or else some kind of a medical emergency I would have to deal with alone, but then came a guffaw and it was apparent that he was laughing. He then pointed, into the glass, guts busting even louder. I looked inward and didn’t see anything at first, only what appeared to be an office space full of empty cubicles and desks. But then in the far back corner, I noticed movement and had to step in close next to my coca companero for better visibility.
At a glance, it looked like crumpled plastic or torn-off wallpaper rippling loosely in a light breeze, but it certainly wasn’t. It was two people completely unclothed, doing it like animals facing the other way.
But the best of all in this exhibit was the additional impression of a struggle or, god forbid, violence. It was the way the clothing was strewn about the floor…but also there was some paper scattered around close by and, get this, an overturned desk with what was likely a printer or fax machine in a tangle of wires just next to it.
If they’d heard us laughing, they either didn’t care or were possibly too embarrassed/startled to acknowledge it. In any case, though we were in mutual agreement to hurry on to the far side before they did.
And that was before I experienced more vertigo and more anxiety than I could handle out there standing on that janky plank.”
Wasp Woman
“I was volunteering for the first time at this small place a while ago because I was in high school, and they gave me a simple job. A bottle of spray and a towel to wipe down the windows.
So I did it obediently, and I was looking through the window. I could see across the road there was a sidewalk and some apartments. On the sidewalk, there’s some trees, not too small or big, just your average tree. I could see this lump dangling on a branch, and I immediately recognized it as a wasp nest because my neighborhood had a lot.
I remember thinking to myself, ‘Man I feel bad for whoever has to take care of that.’
For some reason, I thought people like beekeepers didn’t exist. Lo and behold, a middle-aged woman, kinda chubby, probably in her 50s, was watching from a reasonable distance. She went back into her apartment and comes back out with a metal baseball bat. I stopped wiping the windows and watched with horror, thinking, ‘Uh oh.’ I started heading towards the door to yell stop, but I wasn’t quick enough. She ran up to the nest and took a good hit at it. And I guess she tried to run away from the nest, but sprinting is a bit hard in your 50s, and her weight didn’t help. Yikes. She got stung and she kinda fell on the ground in the process. Wasp stings are no joke. I told the store manager what happened and she called an ambulance. She got whisked off, and that’s the end of the story.”
Money Can’t Buy Happiness
“The weirdest thing to me is a mansion with round the clock staff inside, they even wear uniforms. It’s just this one rich dude, his wife and their two kids. I’m not allowed inside, but I can see the wife. She’s surrounded by the serving staff, but she never talks to any of them, and they don’t talk to her. She seems really sad and lonely.”
The Infamous 3
“I used to be a professional window washer for mostly very high-end houses. Worked on a few celebrity homes, but I really don’t have any interesting stories from them. Here are the top three weird places I remember working.
The first place, wasn’t a single occurrence but a particular client. To picture this guy, imagine a more boring version of Steve Carell.
This dude had a larger house. Probably somewhere in the neighborhood of 3500 square feet. He had the Rolladen shutters around his entire house. For those who don’t know what they are, imaging metal-ish window covers that roll down over the whole window. Something you’d see in a zombie apocalypse movie.
That in and of itself wasn’t that weird. But I still remember the first time those shutters went up. The guy had zero furniture. None. Nada. Nothing except for a very basic queen-sized bed with white sheets in one of the bedrooms. The guy would follow us around from the inside and leer at us the entire time we’d be cleaning the windows.
Then, when we’d do the inside, he’d follow us around with a roll of paper towels and dab up any minor droplet that would hit the ground. Keep in mind, we always used drop cloths when we cleaned inside glass. We were used to working in the nicest of nice homes, so we were always very careful to not get water on the floor. Wasn’t good enough for this dude. He’d literally stand 2 feet behind you with the roll and just stare.
The next place that I can remember that was weird was this nice couple’s house. They were super friendly and perfectly normal for the most part. The inside of their house however, was unsettling.
All the walls were painted either blood-red or black. Pagan and Satanic looking statues, paintings and decorations everywhere. It was unsettling to say the least.
The last was this weird guy with insanely curly hair who had like fifty life-sized statues of children on his property. Dude lived alone. My co-worker joked he was an angry old mage who would turn children to stone for walking on his lawn when they weren’t supposed too.”
Call The Police!
“This was not long after 9/11 – maybe about 12-18 months after.
The building where I work, not very tall, about five stories. We are on the top floor. The building is on a hill that overlooks a river and the other side is a major metropolitan airport. Our building is right under the flight path of the final approach for one of the major runways. Another major runway is about parallel next to it.
A famous person was coming to town. We like to hang out by the windows to watch the plane land. We’re looking out, waiting for the jet when someone notices some activity on the roof of the shorter building across the street.
There were a couple of guys up there and a couple of these odd-looking large tripod devices. There were pretty big (the tripod thingys), as tall or taller than the guys up there, thick rods/legs things, leaning toward the airport. We’re observing, staring really, trying to figure out what the heck those things were. The plane was due to land any minute.
Army Reserve Officer coworker guy comes by and we ask him what he thinks of those tripod things. He stares for a minute and says they look really similar to some sort of Army rocket launcher (he gave the actual name at the time, like ‘the mark 4 anti-ship system,’ something – or something like that, I forget exactly).
Everyone is suddenly very tense – and we’re all now thinking the worst. Bad people on the roof! Planning to shoot down Air Force 1! Oh no! We better call someone NOW! Someone else picks up the phone, dials 9-1… ‘WAIT!’ I shout. ‘It’s freaking window washers.’ (I had moved to try to get a better angle and I could now see the ropes coming down from the tripod things, and one guy was now holding a bucket and squeegee too.) ‘Those things are the rigs for the washers, for the ropes.’
There was a minute or two there where about a dozen of us were convinced there was an imminent attack coming.”
Man In The Mirror
“Myself. No, not my reflection. The guy looked exactly like me.
Let’s go back 27 years to when I was born, my mother was single and unable to raise me so she gave me up for adoption. What I didn’t know was that I was a twin. Unfortunately the kind people who adopted me didn’t have enough money to buy both of us from my mother.
Yeah, I know, you don’t buy kids when you adopt, but you do when it’s illegal so mommy can buy more crack.
Back to the story, I grew up never knowing I had a twin brother. Then one day there I am dangling from a skyscraper, and what do I see inside? A man who looked exactly like me in every way.
We had the same hair, same skin tone, same bone structure, same everything. Well let me tell you that startled me so much I almost jumped right out of my harness and fell to my death.
Good news is this guy seemed to be doing good in life, he had one nice apartment let me tell yuh. So when I finished washing the windows I go upstairs to talk to him.
Super nice guy, super rich, beautiful wife. Truly an amazing experience finding my twin I didn’t know I had.”
Watering The Plants
“My boyfriend has done a lot of high-rise window washing and trust. As he was doing his thing, a man walked into an office, unzipped his pants, proceeded to pee into a potted plant, and walked back out as soon as he was done doing his business. The man was never aware that he had an audience.”
Whoops
“I washed windows once, still not sure if it was on purpose but was washing skylights on a regular house and the daughter walks into the bathroom without any clothes on and starts checking herself out. She was the same age as me, like 20 at the time.
I didn’t know what to do, so I apologized. Her parents heard and made fun of her the rest of the day, I’ve never seen someone turn so red as when her dad said, ‘So you were giving the cleaning boy a show?’
They were getting ready to sell the house and I was there for another eight hours cleaning.”
One Person Was Embarrassed, One Was Not
“I only did the job for about eight or nine months but saw two unexpected things.
Got to the top of the ladder and saw a guy I know is a priest enjoying some adult film. I scurried back down the ladder hoping he would hear me and then slowly went back up. He obviously had heard me because when I got back to the window he was standing up reading a Bible.
The other time I got to the top of the ladder and saw a woman in her 80s sitting on her bed without any clothes. I was sure she saw me, so I gave her a few minutes before going back to the window. When I get there, she’s sitting in exactly the same place, still no clothes on, smiling at me. I got a job in an office soon after.”
Control Freak
“The strangest was a woman who watched me do my work from the other side, pointing at all the streaks and spots as if I were missing it all. Her windows were filthy because we’d had a rainstorm followed by a dust storm (only in Texas). I knew it’d take more than one pass to get it all, so I started with the big squeegee to get the bulk of the dirt off before going at it again with the smaller one that doden’t leave streaks. She was losing her mind tapping during the first pass, tapping on the parts I was going to go over again. She pointed out the wet streaks that dry up almost immediately into nothing but clean window. She pointed at the spots I had to really get at when the squeegee didn’t get them. She pointed at me a lot, and I’m not sure what that was about.
As part of the job, I also remove any spider webs or hornet/wasp’s nests I see. Wasps and hornets aren’t really a big deal if you get the jump on them. You reach up, grab their mud nest, and just smash it in your hands before they get out to bite you. This lady kept freaking out and making barfing faces whenever I did it. She looked completely disgusted. She didn’t ask me to stop cleaning her windows, though, so I don’t know what she expected me to do. Not do what I was contracted to do?
The lady clearly thought I was a neanderthal. She later complained she had to do all the work, pointing it all out to me. I tried to explain I could sit in a bus and point out the route, but that doesn’t change the work the bus driver is doing. She complained that I couldn’t be that smart because I was a window washer and window washers are lazy. I explained it was one of two jobs I was working while taking a full course load at the university.”
He Doesn’t Have The Stomach For It
“Wash windows for a hospital certain operating rooms have windows… the doctor just waved at me as I could see this persons’ midsection cut open on a table. I almost threw up down the side of the building.”
Practice Wave
“Not a window washer, but I was living in this eight-story apartment and I was on the fourth floor. I was talking to this guy who lives in the apartment facing my window. He told me he was going to wave from his window and that I should wait for him. So I was at my window, practicing how I would wave at him and after a good three minutes of looking dumb, I noticed that the window washers of his building (which were cleaning the windows on the much upper level) were laughing and waving at me. I seriously shut my curtains and told the guy I was not feeling well just so I could stay away from the window.
I swear to god those window washers probably thought I was crazy.”
Puppets
“I’m a residential window cleaner in a team of three. We were doing an inside/outside job on this old man’s home. He was a real nice fella, but he had his oddities, as do all elderly folks.
Well, he had puppets. Hundreds of creepy, unblinking puppets. This old man kept them in one room, hanging off his curtains and the curtain rod. I guess they made the curtains very unstable, and my buddy bumped into a few. I was downstairs and heard him scream like a little girl, followed by a loud clatter. It turns out, when he bumped into the puppets, he brought half of the puppet army down on his head and the curtains fell with them.
The old guy and my other partner found it hysterical, he didn’t share the sentiment.”
The Good And The Bad
“I washed windows professionally for three years in college.
The worst thing I saw was a guy beating up on his girlfriend. He stopped when he noticed me. I still called the cops on him. And yes they took my statement as a witness. He was hauled off in cuffs. She was pretty bruised up.
The best thing I saw was a family reading together. Maybe it was the look in the kid’s eyes but man, that really touched me.”
Immediately Soaked
“I didn’t see anything particularly insane or gross except massive spider nests and so on that we had to clear off from time to time, however, I did see one kind of hilarious incident:
First day at a new site. Condo community in a small town. Use a 2 story pole brush to wash 2nd floor windows. Work in teams because its hard on the arms. My partner is on his first day. First window he gets to do, gingerly grabs the pole, turns the water on, lightly sets the brush down on the window and WHAM… Window gets pushed all the way in and this woman sitting at her desk gets absolutely soaked by the nozzle on the end of the brush. She initially lost her mind, but they had been notified to lock their windows ahead of time, so me and the new guy didn’t get in any kind of trouble.”
He’s Just Resting
“About two years ago, I had the opportunity to talk to a man about his experience as a window washer (he was looking for a job) and he said that he got to see three things in his career as a window washer.
The first one was a man proposing to a woman, as he was going up, he saw a man kneeling down on his knee waiting for a door to open, about three minutes later a woman walked in and she said yes.
The second time, he said that he saw a man who was in his office leaning against the glass, he said that he thought the man was resting against the window, it wasn’t until afterward (close to three hours later) that he learned that the man had a heart attack in his office
The last one was a woman who had just done the ‘deed’ with a co-worker, he had seen this woman several times in the past and she looked at him and his crew as she was getting dressed, put her finger in her lips as to say ‘shhh’ and they skipped that window.”
Shoot Your Shot
“In my single lady days, I worked at an office up on the 15th floor of a building. Was in a meeting when all of a sudden, a window washer appeared outside the window. He was an older gentleman, but really cute and the women in the room kept swooning.
After the meeting ended, I scribbled a note that said, ‘We think you are really hot!’ and held it up to the window.
The window washer took a look at it, smiled and blushed a bit, and mouthed ‘thank you.’ You could tell it really threw him off of his guard. The other women in the room went nuts and couldn’t believe I had the guts to do that. Nothing ever came of it, and I never saw him again, but I’d like to think I made his day.”
It’s A Good Thing She Was Found
“When I was about 16, I was doing window cleaning and grass cutting as a little side job for some extra money. When I got to a house where a few people had just newly moved in, I thought I’d get to them before someone else did. Knocked on the door, agreed on the price, and got to work. All was fine till I got to the last window, one of the bedrooms. Two people, a guy and a girl, were in the process of shooting what I’m assuming was some type of substance. The girl was already out of it, the guy was starting to nod off.
The guy was the same dude who answered the door to me, he must have forgotten I was cleaning his windows and maybe I interrupted him. Well, he forgot to close his blinds. But something was off. The girl was foaming at the mouth and I’ve never seen someone nod so quick (hadn’t really seen anyone nod at that point, I was only 16) but the girl was foaming at the mouth. I phoned for an ambulance and found out they had both ODed. Deliberately. Never saw them again till like five years later when I saw the girl. I asked if she remembered anything from that time. Turns out she survived it, found the light and all that stuff. But her fella died that day. Something I’ll never forget. A scary sight to see at 16. She thanked me for saving her life and said she will always be grateful.”
An Awkward Encounter
“The company I work for is partnered with an apartment complex, where we clean all the windows in two buildings each month. We get there early in the morning to take all the screens out of the windows. One morning, apparently, the manager had forgotten to send out the emails telling people we’d be coming that day. I have a master key, so the standard protocol is just to unlock the door and knock as I’m entering, then yell, ‘maintenance!’
Well, one apartment was particularly surprised at my entrance, and quickly spun around on his couch. He asked if I could just come back later and do his windows another day. I was confused but realized why he was so startled after I noticed the hoard of tissues, lotion, and pillows on the coffee table in front of him. I don’t think I ever actually went back to that apartment to do his windows. I wouldn’t know what to say to him if I did.”