He Got His Canine Anatomy All Mixed Up
“The client came in to get an estimate for a canine neuter. He said, ‘So, he won’t pee anymore after the surgery?’ It was one of the rare moments in my life when my mind went completely blank and my eyes might have crossed. I thought I knew where he was going with it, but I just didn’t want to believe. This 45-year-old man thought that urine is held in the nuts.”
“I’VE BEEN TRYING FOR HOURS, HOW’D YOU DO THAT?!”
Dmitry A/Shutterstock
“I used to work in computer sales and repairs. I once had a customer, who was maybe 23 years old, come up to me, saying she couldn’t get her laptop to open something. So I took it, opened it, and casually asked, ‘What is it you can’t get open?’
She looked at me, shocked, as I opened the laptop screen and exclaimed, ‘I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR HOURS TO GET IT TO OPEN, HOW’D YOU DO THAT?’ I looked at her for a moment, not knowing how to respond, then I closed it and opened it again. She took it and walked out saying thank you. I took a long look at my computer I was working on and decided that this was the moment that made me quit that job.”
When Eight Doesn’t Mean Eight
Tyler Olson/Shutterstock
“I used to work at a grocery store deli. My coworker, for some reason, got more stupid questions than anyone else, but one went a little like this:
Coworker: ‘Hi, what can I get you?’
Customer: ‘The 8 piece chicken… how many pieces are in it?’
Coworker: ‘How…how many pieces are in the 8 piece chicken? Um. There are eight pieces in the 8 piece chicken…’
Customer: ‘Ok, I’ll have that, please!’
To be fair, the lady was awfully polite but, ‘How many pieces are in the 8 piece chicken,’ is still a stupid question.”
So That’s Why Construction Projects Take So Long!
LightField Studios/Shutterstock
“I was renovating a major hospital when the owner changes their mind (again) and wanted to change the plan after we’d started construction:
‘You guys can take care of that, right? With no extra cost? Oh, and the end date won’t change, will it?’
We sure as heck can’t Steve, and it sure as heck will! Those changes are gonna cost another $100,000! And now we need to go buy completely different materials and figure out what the heck you’re talking about. The schedule is ruined now.
This is why construction never ends on the first given end date.”
That Little Blue Pill Could Have Caused Some Serious Issues
Craig Stocks Arts/Shutterstock
“I was working in the back of an ambulance on a patient with a serious need of nitroglycerin to lower their blood pressure.
Me: ‘Sir, before I give this medication to you, I need to triple check that you have not taken any ED medication in the last 72 hours, like Cialis. If you have taken it and I give you this nitroglycerin, your blood pressure could drop dangerously low. Have you taken any of these meds?’
Him: ‘Oh no, never.’
Me: ‘Are you certain?’
Him: ‘Oh yes, of course, I am.’
I ran through potential deadly side effects again.
Him: ‘No, never.’
Me: ‘OK, hold this pill under your tongue.’
Him: ‘Does generic Cialis count?’
GAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! Why do you do this?”
Her “Allergy” Was Causing Him A Headache
CREATISTA/Shutterstock
“I work at an electronics store:
Customer: ‘Hi, where are the large non-smart TV’s?’
Me: ‘Well, most companies don’t make large TVs without smart features.’
Customer: ‘It can’t have WiFi!’
Me: ‘Well, it’s not really a cost factor, you can get a large TV and not use the features.’
Customer: ‘No, it still transmits signals, I’m allergic to WiFi.’
Me: ‘You’re kidding right?’
Customer: ‘No, I’m serious! I’ll get deathly ill just being around anything wireless.’
Me: ‘Do you use a cell phone?’
Customer: ‘Yes.’
Me: ‘Laptop?’
Customer: ‘Yes.’
Me: ‘Are you feeling alright right now?’
Customer: ‘Yes.’
Me: ‘Ma’am, I don’t think you’re allergic to WiFi. Everything in this store is connected to WiFi, hundreds of people have cell phones and you seem just fine.’
Customer: ‘So you don’t want my money? This is why [redacted] is going out of business.'”
These Cats Are Getting Hooked On The Good Stuff
Real Moment/Shutterstock
“I work at an independent pet store. We sell mostly dog supplies, but there’s a small section of cat toys/catnip/etc. A newer, pretty gimmicky item we brought in is a line of catnip that is packaged to look like medicinal weed; there’re the ‘prescription’ bottles and pre-rolled ‘joints.’
Now, the people know these are catnip products, but I’ve had multiple people ask, after puzzling over the pack of Raw paper-rolled catnip joints, ‘….but…how does the cat smoke it?’ Or, ‘How can they even hold the lighter, they’ve got paws…’
I never do quite know how to reply besides muddled laughter.”
Between A Fence And A Dumb Place
“This woman wanted to paint her fence, so I gave her advice and explained to her how to prepare the surface. She then asked, ‘Do I need anything to apply the paint?’
I was like, ‘Yeah, a roller or a brush…’
She was like, “Oh, I can’t just splash the paint on the fence?’
She was dead serious.
Woman, this is not Looney Tunes, this is the real world!”
She Didn’t Think Anyone Could Be This Dumb
Tyler Olson/Shutterstock
“I get too many dumb questions to remember them all. Here’s a dumb encounter that happened just yesterday. When sending confidential documentation, we would encrypt it and put a password on it. It’s common practice to send the document and the password in two separate emails. I got a message from this guy saying he couldn’t open the document I sent him.
Me: ‘Did you use the password?’
Client: ‘Yes. It said there was an error.’
Me: ‘What password did you use?’
Client: ‘I just hit OK and it said that I had the wrong password.’
Me: ‘Wait…so did you type anything in?’
Client: ‘Well, no.’
Me: ‘Could you use the password that we provided you?’
Client: ‘I didn’t think it would work so I deleted the email.’
Me: ‘….'”
She Had The Hardest Time Explaining This To Him
Lisa F. Young/Shutterstock
“I worked at Wendy’s through high school and part of college. One day, a man in his 50s and wearing a bright magenta suit walked in and ordered a burger. I asked him, ‘Do you want a combo or just the sandwich?’
He asked, ‘What is a combo?’ I explained to him that it was a sandwich with fries and a drink, but somehow he didn’t understand. He looked at me blankly and asked, ‘I want fries and a drink, but what is the combo?’
We went back and forth on this for like FIVE MINUTES. I don’t even remember if he ever got what a combo was, or if he ended up getting it. I do remember, however, that I saw him two weeks later in a different city at my other job training political canvassers. He was wearing the same magenta suit. I was in such shock that I just stared at him, saying nothing, thinking, ‘It’s the combo guy.'”
“So Why Call Them HDTVs In The First Place?!”
Ambrophoto/Shutterstock
“I worked at Best Buy and the two dumbest ones are these:
Dude: ‘Where are your heavy duty TVs at?’
Me: ‘Is it going in a business?’ I was thinking he meant it’d be on at all times, like at a bar.
Dude: ‘No, it’s going in my living room.’
Me: ‘…What are you planning to use it for?’
Dude: ‘For watching! What else?!’
Me: ‘Sorry, I’m just confused why it needs to be “heavy duty” then.’
Dude: ‘Well, I dunno, you tell me! You all are the ones advertising these HDTVs!’
Second one:
Dude: ‘These the LED TVs?’
Me: ‘Yep!’
Dude: ‘They run on electricity?’
Me: ‘As opposed to…?’
Dude: ‘…I dunno.’
Me: ‘…Yes sir, they still need electricity.'”
He Was Genuinely Confused
Gumirova Elvira/Shutterstock
“‘Is your chicken noodle soup vegan?’
Then there was also the guy who ordered four milkshakes: three chocolate, one strawberry. They came in clear cups and were marked clearly on the lid, CS for the chocolate shake and SS for the strawberry shake.
He looked at me and asked, ‘Which one is the strawberry one?’ I gave him the benefit of doubt, thinking he may be colorblind. However, the strawberry shake had huge chunks of strawberry in it as well, and, again, they were marked.”
This Apple Genius Got Stuck With A Real Dunce
Dean Drobot/Shutterstock
“I worked for Apple for five years at the Genius Bar while I got my undergrad degree and also during the first year of my masters. One day, a woman came in with a brand new Apple TV and said, ‘It’s not working.’ She handed me the Apple TV and I placed it on the bar. Before asking basic troubleshooting questions, I simply wanted to know if she brought her HDMI cord and power cord with her. Otherwise, I would have to go get ours to plug it in.
I asked, ‘Did you bring your cables?’
She responded with, ‘What are you talking about? It’s wireless.’
She thought it literally had no wires and thus didn’t plug in the power cable or HDMI.”
The Math Was Too Hard To Handle
“I used to be a manager at Gamestop. One morning, I was working alone and this dude came in with two DVDs he wanted to trade in. I scanned them and told him this one is worth $1, and this one is worth $4.
‘What’s that come to?’
No, I’m not making that up and I’m not exaggerating or changing anything. A grown adult, seemingly not mentally disabled man at Gamestop asked me what 1 + 4 was.”
“That’s The Whole Point To A Laptop!”
Kaspars Grinvalds/Shutterstock
“I worked at a computer repair shop. I once had a lady return a laptop she said was broken and wouldn’t power on. She left it with us to look at. It was dead, so I charged it a little and turned it on. It came right on and I couldn’t find anything wrong with it.
So we returned it to her, but she came back the next day again. Something to the order of, ‘It worked great when I got it home and I used it for a while, then it died again and won’t come on anymore.’
I noticed the battery was dead again, so I told her she needed to plug it in, and she responded, ‘It’s a laptop, you don’t have to plug it in like a desktop, that’s the whole point to a laptop!’
So I spent 30 minutes explaining to her that it has a battery that has to be charged, like a cell phone.”
Banks Are Supposed To Give You Money, Right?
Africa Studio/Shutterstock
“I used to work as a bank teller. A lady came up to me and asked to withdraw money. I informed her that she couldn’t withdraw money because her account was overdrawn. She was immediately upset, so I had her account checked for fraud. She then explained that all those charges were hers and she wasn’t expecting any payments. She was spending money she knew she didn’t have.
She then asked me why we couldn’t just give her more money.”
This Guy Was A Real Winner
“Customer: ‘My football goals are falling apart.’
Us: ‘Did you tighten all the bolts?’
Customer: ‘Yes, I did them all personally by hand.’
Us: ‘By hand, you mean with a spanner or ratchet, right?’
Customer: ‘No, by hand.’
These were full sized goals you see on TV during the World Cup. This guy was a groundsman for a fairly famous club, but I’m not saying which.”
“How Could I Possibly Help You With That?!”
Karpova/Shutterstock
“I used to work in a call center for a large bank. A customer phoned while he was in one of the branches and said the queue was too long, so he wanted me to help him. I asked what his query was and he said the ATM was broke so he had to withdraw cash. I asked how I could possibly help him withdraw cash from the bank over the phone and he said, ‘Why can’t you just fax it to me?'”
He Wanted To Know Where His Free “Weefee” Was
India Picture/Shutterstock
“In high school, I worked at a Tim Horton’s and we were advertising that we had just put in free Wi-Fi. An old guy at the drive-thru asked for a free ‘weefee.’ We asked him again and he repeated himself. It wasn’t for a few seconds we realized he didn’t know what Wi-Fi was and thought it was some sort of free promotional item.”
“It’s The One The Mice Sell!”
Pamela Au/Shutterstock
“Me: ‘Smith Honda Parts. This is Patrick, how can I help you?’
A woman in her 50s: ‘Hi. I, uhh, I need a part for my car.’
Me: ‘Ok, what kind of car do you have?’
Woman: ‘Uhh…it’s ahh…’
Me: ‘Civic?’
Woman: ‘Uhh, no? It’s more like an SUV.’
Me: ‘CRV?’
Woman: ‘No, it’s more like a car.’
Me: ‘Uh…Fit, maybe?’
Woman: ‘No, it’s that’s one the mice sell.’
Me: ‘The mice? I don’t think Honda uses any mice in their ads. There were animals in the Element ads several years ago…’
Woman: ‘No, these ads are new. I bought the car last year. From you guys.’
Me: ‘Are you sure they are mice? Could they be hamsters?’
Woman: ‘Maybe? I don’t know.’
Me: ‘Do they look like rappers? Gold chains and colorful clothes?’
Woman: ‘Yes! Exactly!’
Me: ‘Ma’am, you have a Kia Soul. The number for the local Kia dealer is 555-5555.’
Sorry Kia, your expected demographic is not buying your cars. Did you learn nothing from the Scion Xa?”
In All Her Years Of Teaching, No Other Student Has Topped This Stupidity
wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock
“While showing Apollo 13 to my astronomy class, I had a student ask me the dumbest question I have heard as a teacher.
During the ‘Houston, we have a problem’ scene, this student raised their hand in the back of the room. The friend next to them told them to put their hand down and said it was ‘a stupid question.’
I went back and asked them what their question was, and this was their answer:
‘Are all of the guys there named Houston?’
Think of this:
- How many guys have you ever met named Houston?
- What are the odds that there are 30 guys named Houston, all in the same room?
I have taught for nearly 10 years now, and that one is still the winner.”
She Wanted To Know About “Ionizing Radiation” In The Water
Dean Drobot/Shutterstock
“I used to work on a restaurant that was quite popular with the organic/healthy lifestyle crowd. This particular lady asked me if we tested our water for ionizing radiation, and made it clear that if we didn’t she would leave. Out of sinister curiosity, I told her, ‘Of course we do! In fact, I’ll test it right in front of you, just let me get my Geiger counter from the back.’ I downloaded a mock Geiger counter app and tested a glass of tap water in front of her. She completely bought it and proceeded to order a fruit salad and a water bottle.
I told the manager and we had a good laugh. I still can’t believe I got away with it.”