While going to the local zoo may offer an enjoyable bit of leisure for many, it's the zookeepers who work behind the scenes that deal with the many ups and downs of helping various animals. That is, some of the critters these men and women handle are either a blast or a nightmare on every scope.
A Close Call With A Sedated Tiger
“Lots of stories, but this one is the one that pops to mind. We were transporting a sedated tiger to the veterinary clinic in the back of a van. During the transport, the “sedated” tiger raised his head, placed his mouth around a keeper’s lower leg, then fell back asleep. A good solid 20 seconds of “did that just f–king happen?” before the vets pushed another bump of propofol to keep him down until we got him onto the anesthesia machine.” Source
They Called It…Clayton
“I work at a Safari Park and we have a bat cave. They’re all Egyptian fruit bats in there and for the most part, they’re perfectly fine around humans, bar a little anxiousness if I try to get too close to them while they’re sleeping.
One bat however is a right pain in my ass. His name is Clayton, and he’s constantly hanging on the exit which means I have to get him off it so people can leave safely. Unlike all his fellow bats, he doesn’t fly away the moment I get close to him. Instead I have to literally poke him until he goes away. Yesterday he was chilling in his usual spot by the exit while eating a piece of pear. I poke him to get him to move as usual and the little shit squeaks at me which is bat for ‘p-ss off.’
F–king Clayton, man.” Source
Gators & Crocs
“I worked at a zoo and chatted with the keepers a lot. Apparently the alligator was a super chill bro who would waddle up to them and wait patiently for his food that they fed him on the end of a stick. The crocodile on the other hand, was a murderous rage beast and would lunge at them. They basically open the door, toss the food in and run like hell.” Source
Chimps Are To Be Feared
“My sister is a zookeeper. We asked her and her keeper friends which animal they would least like to be trapped in a room with. They all immediately, unanimously, agreed on one animal: Chimp. As one keeper put it: ‘If a lion gets out of a cage, I would run and help the public and other keepers. If a chimp got out of it’s cage, I would run to my car and drive away.'” Source
Beware Of The Deadly Fossa
“I know the people who run the Capital of Texas Zoo, they have Lions, Cougars, monkeys, birds of prey, kangaroos, you name it. The ones everyone is scared of? The Fossas. Fast, violent, with sharp teeth and long claws. I’ve seen them feed the Cougars with their bare hands, they feed the Fossas with a claw grabber and don’t get within three feet of the cage.” Source
A Gang Of Giant Tortoises
“Got a friend that says the Giant Tortoises are dicks. Once he goes into the enclosure, they block the doorway so he can’t get out. All while nipping at him.” Source
That Rabbit’s Dynamite
“I’m a vet student who’s worked everywhere from cats/dogs at your standard small animal practice, to petting zoos, stables, and even big cats and monkeys in wildlife centres in Bolivia and Ecuador. Only animal I’ve ever feared working with were the f–king rabbits at the petting zoo. They got handled by so many children they had developed a rabid hatred of anyone who went into their enclosure because they knew what came next. Was only there for a couple of weeks but got bitten more times than I can remember.” Source
Geese vs. Swans
“Not a keeper, but I had an internship at a wildlife hospital for years. We treated a bunch of New England native animals and surprisingly, Canadian geese were the best patients. Sure, they would hiss when you pulled back the sheet that was covering their cage, but they never snapped at you and once you had picked them up or restrained them, they were pretty docile. They ate their food if they could, were quiet, and never made too much of a mess. Swans, on the other hand, are nasty motherf’ers. They are giant animals (bigger than you think), perpetually in a sh—y mood, and feisty as all hell. I would frequently be called upon to sit on them (I was the smallest, 5’1 and 120lb) just so we could administer medications or feeding tubes. And the smell, holy s–t. I would not wish the cleaning of a swan cage on my worst enemy.” Source
The Wrath Of Bill The Parakeet
“I did a couple months unpaid work experience at a zoo, before I realised I hated zoos. I don’t like seeing wild animals in cages, I don’t like seeing the conditioned behaviours that some of them picked up. The pay is absolutely atrocious, too. Look up some job listings at zoo’s. When I was looking into it, they were looking to recruit heads of section with a degree and ten years experience and were offering £20k. Definitely a labour of love – if you loved it.
The worst animal to look after was a parakeet named Bill. Bill was sweet as pie to visitors and full time zookeepers – and work experience volunteers, when anybody else was around. Sitting on shoulders, affectionate nibbles on ear etc.
Bill apparently hated volunteers. Whenever you were in the jungle enclosure he lived in by yourself, Bill would wait till you were bent over cleaning something and then fly over and land exactly on the middle of your back, just below your shoulder blades. Right where you couldn’t get to him. He would then proceed to try and scratch and peck his way through your spine. First few times, I had to take my shirt off to get him away from me.
If you mentioned Bill’s habits to one of the full time keepers, they wouldn’t believe you. “Bill? When I’m in there by myself, he just sits on my shoulder and watches me work!”
I worked there over the summer, but it got to the point where when I went into that enclosure, I would wear a big puffy high vis work jacket as armour against Bill. The keepers when they were working in there with me would laugh. It was kept in the feed prep room for the jungle enclosure.
One day, I noticed that the Bill torn hole just below the shoulder blades had been repaired with multiple layers of duct tape. I asked, none of the keepers had done it. It was then I figured it must have been the other work experience guy, who I never actually met. We split the week between us, working on different days.
I got his number from one of the keepers. He’d recently started doing some work in the enclosure Bill was in (the zoo were quite good in letting you pick what you worked with, only the large primates and the big cats were off limits) and he’d initially wanted to work with the elephants before changing his mind (I was interested in the small primates, some of which were in with Bill), so he’d never been into Bill’s enclosure before… His second day in there, he started wearing my Bill armour.” Source
Fanged Deer And Large Birds Are Too Much For Comfort
“I worked at a small private zoo for a while. The worst animal was the fanged deer. You don’t expect much since it’s only a foot or two tall, but it took a nice chunk out of my calf muscle on my first day working there. The large birds (sandhill cranes, especially) were a bit spooky, since there were in large free roam pens with a lot of vegetation, and most importantly, were tall enough to stare you in the eye more or less. Serious ‘clever girl’ vibes with those.” Source
A Love/Hate Feeling For Walruses
“Walruses for both. Love them for their personalities and hate how much they eat – and they always have poop parties right after you clean their pools/decks.” Source
Cassowaries Are To Be Feared
“The zoo I worked at, I liked the lemurs and tortoises the most… Lemurs are the only primates we had that would just chill and let you give them pet pets…. The tortoises have a lot more personality than you’d expect, and their labored enthusiasm to see you was quite charming…
F–K baboons and spider monkeys…. So much s–t, so much piss, so much anger and hatred for everyone and everything…Got too close to the cage once and a spider monkey ripped out a chunk of my hair, and pissed on it before throwing it back at me.
And then there’s the cassowary… They’re f–king velociraptors. It’s just watching and calculating your every move, waiting for it’s chance spill your intestines on the ground. Granted there were also big cats and s–t like that that might feel like killing you given the opportunity, but at least you understand each other… But cassowaries have pure evil pumping through their veins.” Source
Lemurs Roaming Free
“I did a behind the scenes article on a zoo once and spent time with zookeepers and vets. A really chilled conservation trust in Jersey, Channel Islands.
The lemurs were not kept in cages because they needed space to roam from tree to tree. The zoo figured out that they had their area, that was home, but they were free to leave anytime they wanted. There was nothing to stop them wandering off.
They didn’t leave, they were happy there, apart from the father of the group who would – about once a month – decide he needed a break from the family and head over, about 400 yards, down the road to the pub.
They would get a call from the pub saying that the furry little guy is hanging out in their garden again. Most of the time he’d just wander back.” Source
A Turkey Vulture Isn’t Having It Any Longer
“I worked at a museum that kept a large turkey vulture tethered to a perch in the center of an ‘animal room..’
Children would tease this poor bird mercilessly despite the many signs and warnings.
The bird sat in stoic silence.
But almost once a day, at the perfect moment, he would hop down as one of the little chumps walked off, and he’d grab them with his huge bill just above the belt line by their pasty fat little french-fry infused love handles, clamp down hard, and then SNAP IT BACK. Imagine someone grabbing you by the soft parts with a pair of Channel Lock pliers. Their scream, and the nasty welt, was always the same.
By the time parents, teachers , and staff arrived he would always be back on the perch…just staring, still stoic.
Best part of that job.” Source
Birds Of A Feather
“I volunteer weekly at a rescue center for birds of prey.
I avoid the Bald Eagles unless absolutely necessary. Even our resident birds which are non-releasable and some of whom have been in our care their entire lives are the worst. They are scared of everything and very finicky. We spent 6 weeks last summer adjusting one to a cart. It wasn’t just when it rolled by, he couldn’t stand any of the new carts just sitting there across from his mew.*
(*we used a grant to update supplies including 8 new great collapsible rolling carts. We use them a lot, especially when we take birds offsite. Apparently “a bird thinks your product is a rolling death machine” isn’t a suitable reason to return something.)
Other things bald eagles hate: -water hoses (being carried or unraveled) -the sound of rakes on gravel -buckets up until 5 gallons. Those are fine. -plastic bags -unfolding newspaper -shoelaces -key rings with 6 to 15 keys. Under/over seems to be ok.
Birds I love: Peregrine falcons are straight up baller. Maybe we just have some amazing ones but damn if these guys aren’t the greatest. Nothing spooks them, not overly aggressive and tolerate A LOT (especially during camp season). Also incredibly smart. They learn routines very well and seem to be very perceptive. We try and train all resident birds for their safety and our own. For example most of our animals have to go to a specific perch and display a desired set of behavior (equivalent to sitting quietly) before we drop food. By far these guys are the fastest to pick this (and other behaviors usually) and the best at complying.
Barn owls: We don’t get too many and only have two resident birds but I love these guys. Very quiet and pretty tidy compared to others who destroy everything (cough bald eagles cough).
Bonuses: Cheetahs are the most disgusting off all the big cats. They destroy everything in their enclosures and will sit and roll around in their own mess.
Zebras are dicks.” Source